My Journey Out of the Darkness

The last time I posted was December 10, 2013.  The time since were the darkest days of my life to date...and I hope they will never be surpassed!

I was diagnosed with depression by my Gynecologist, whom I've seen since moving back to Chattanooga in 1998.  After the prodding of many close friends and family, I started taking a prescription anti-depressant.  It seemed to be helping for awhile, but on a subsequent follow-up visit, the doctor determined I needed more.  I didn't disagree with him, because I was truly drowning in a darkness so heavy and thick I really didn't see ever being able to come out of it.

With no end in sight for the circumstances I was living, I was believing in this pharmaceutical to at least help me cope...and I was really hoping it would make me numb and oblivious to what was happening around me and to me.

With the increased dosage came increased side effects.  My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't even take a clear picture with my phone or apply eyeliner or mascara without poking myself in the eye.  I woke up one morning with my thigh covered in bruises, even though I hadn't fallen or bumped into any furniture.  The bruises were an ugly reminder of the bruising going on in my heart.

I wanted to walk out.  I wanted to leave my marriage.  I wanted to stop being a mother, a daughter, a friend.  I wanted to quit.

Crying.  Wailing.  Slamming my fists on the floor in anguish and anger.  Falling apart in public and having to be practically carried to the car.   Hyperventilating.  Friends had to remind me to breathe. In such hopeless despair at times I would claw at the skin on my face.  Sometimes it would last for hours.  Finding myself driving somewhere, turning off my phone and location services and crying until there was nothing left in me.  This is not abundant life.

It eventually got so bad, I started googling ways to commit suicide that didn't require pain or a gun, because I'm not a fan of physical pain and we don't own any guns.  The majority of my waking hours were spent thinking of how death would be a sweet escape.  The only thing that kept me from it were the consistent texts, calls and visits from dear friends and my family, whom I didn't want to leave with that kind of scar.

Who was this person?  I certainly didn't recognize her AT ALL.  I felt like a foreigner had evaded my body and my thoughts.  Although I never questioned God's love for me, I did question the healing I  had experienced through Him.  Was it all a joke?  Was the ministry I had led others in for almost 6 years a joke?

I knew all the "right" things to say to someone in my position.  To be honest, they all sounded fake and pointless on this side of the curtain.

On an unusual day of clarity I realized the medication was not working, in fact, it was making me sick.  Prior to the medication I hadn't dreamed of dying.  Killing myself had never been an option.  I am normally a quite grounded person, even in the midst of conflict.  I usually can think and think well.  I realized I had to come off of this poison I was putting inside me.  Much to my hubby's chagrin, I didn't call the doctor, but went to google.  I researched the best way to wean myself from the particular anti-depressant I was taking.

It was through the detox process I realized just how poisonous this medication was to me.  I experienced full on drug withdrawal symptoms.  The shakes became worse, not just my hands, but my legs too.  I had headaches and vertigo and nausea and panic attacks.  Just when I thought I could go a day without a pill I'd have to resort to quartering one, just to make it stop.

At the tail end of my weaning process I had an appointment with my primary care physician.  The reason I chose him was because of his stance on pharmaceuticals.  Instead of writing a script as the first course of action, he writes them as a last resort.  His philosophy is if you give the body what it needs to come into balance, it most likely will.  I like that!  As I sat in his office and described the last 4 months of my life he immediately recognized I was dealing with a hormonal issue.  I am, after all, a  42 year old woman...some changes were inevitable.  He diagnosed me as peri-menopausal and was quite confident that with the right balance of hormones, I would be my old self again soon.  He also congratulated me on how I had weaned off the drug, he said I did it text book perfect:)  Although I do not recommend anyone come off their meds (of any kind) without a doctor or pharmacist's counsel;)

After I finish this blog I will be going for my follow-up appointment.  It's been a little over 4 weeks since I started hormone treatment.  I feel emotionally amazing!  The only trace of depression left is in my physical body.  My physical body still hasn't caught up yet and from what I've read in my research that could be a process that could take up to a year or more.  Most days I need to lay down around 3:00 and I still have trouble staying asleep at night, which is typical when your body is trying to rid itself of excess cortisol.

This post isn't an advertisement for essential oils, but most of you know I have fallen in love with Young Living's oils.  Instead of using the compounded progesterone cream my doctor prescribed, I am using a naturally derived serum.  Since using it, no night sweats, no hot flashes and no panic attacks out in public (or in private, for that matter:)  I swear by the benefits of Frankincense for balancing the mind and emotional center of the brain!  I inhale it often throughout the day.

Now, time for disclaimer!  I'm not in any way bashing pharmaceutical treatment of depression.  I have seen people need them in order to cooperate in their healing process.  My doctor even said, if we need to try a different anti-depressant we will, but let's try hormones first.  It's just my experience with the meds was so horrible, to be honest I would have had a hard time even experimenting with another...thankful it didn't come to that.

A couple weeks ago I sent a message to my prayer support group saying, "I am back!"  I wanted to wait a little longer before proclaiming that here, but it is safe to say, "I AM BACK!"  I know without any doubt, the inner healing I have received from my Papa God over the course of the last 9 years has been 100% legit!  I have no guilt and have shut the door to condemnation for not believing in His healing for me over the last few months.

Have my circumstances changed?  No.  Almost daily I come face to face with things that could cause great pain.  It is my choice to remain in my Papa's love for me and although these things sometimes shake me, I'm able to come back and rest in His arms.

If I've said it once, I've said it hundreds of times...I do NOT believe God sends sickness, but oh how I believe He turns EVERYTHING meant for my harm, for my good.  Through this process I have a much greater understanding of unconditional love.  I hope going forward when put in the place of counselor to someone who has walked through what I walked through that I will ooze the compassion and mercy of my Jesus.  No more trite answers from the books, but true compassion and love.  LISTENING.  Oh, how I've learned, listening is the greatest gift you can give to someone who is suffering from depression.  You don't have to fix them or give them answers.  Just be there.

So thankful that my soul is once again singing!  And ever so thankful for HORMONES!!!!

I'm not ok...

This post is going to be raw.  It's going to be real.  I know I preface many posts with that disclaimer, but really, I mean it this time:)

I have a confession to make.  I'm.  Not.  Ok.  There, I said it, I'm not ok.

Yes, I have Jesus.  Yes, I know the joy of the Lord is my strength.  Yes, in my weakness, He is strong.  Yes, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  Yes, I know them.  All of them.  But what if reciting all the scriptures in the Book on the subject of joy don't "do" anything to change how you feel inside?  I'm there.  And it's time I shared with you, especially those of you who feel like you're there too.  There is NO SHAME for the believer who is suffering from depression!  It's ok that I'm not ok.

I can not go into my circumstances, but truth be told I've been depressed for several months.  I just recently came to grips with it in the last few weeks.  My husband has known and hasn't said a word.  My 13 year old daughter is constantly telling me to smile, apparently, according to her, I always look sad.  I'm not trying to look sad, I'm just not very good at hiding what is on the inside.  Crying is almost a daily occurrence and I've NEVER been one to cry.

"How are you doing?"  Such a common question upon greeting someone, especially here in the south.  It's not a question I ask very often.  So, if you are reading this and I ask you this question, IT IS BECAUSE I TRULY WANT TO KNOW and I'm willing to wait around and hear your answer...good, bad or ugly!  Here lately, I've not been good with giving the expected reply, "I'm good, how are you?"  Depending on the depth of our relationship, I've been honest in my response from, "I'm ok, but not great" to "I'm not so good."

If you know me, you know I'm passionate about helping people see who they are in Christ.  I am passionate about Grace, freedom in Christ and living in our identities as sons or daughters.  Let me tell you, it's really easy to have faith when there is nothing in your life requiring you to have it...but, when you need it the most, your faith all of sudden FEELS very inadequate and weak.  A good friend reminded me a couple of weeks ago where my faith comes from...and you know what, it doesn't come from me...and that's a good thing!

Life is hard.  This is true. But at the end of the day, I know in my heart these things are the greater truths:  God is good.  God loves me...unconditionally...period.  God is NOT disappointed in me.  This current me is NOT who I am.

Why am I sharing with you this very personal struggle?  Because I know many of you struggle with it too.  God has given me a voice, it's part of my calling and I can't stand by and keep silent about this subject because so many believers struggle with depression.  Unfortunately there is such a stigma attached to being depressed for the believer.  Aren't we suppose to have it all together?  Maybe the religious think so, believe so and are so deceived into believing that they do...but I'm here to tell you, you don't.  You don't have to have it all together.

So, what's my plan?  I am focusing on wellness; body, soul and spirit.  Jesus already paid for my wholeness on the cross.  In reality, I am WHOLE.  But until the natural lines up with what is already true in the spiritual I will focus on taking care of myself...through holistic approaches and medical ones.

I am truly thankful for those of you who have showed up on my doorstep within minutes of receiving a disturbing text/call from me.  Those who have given of your time just to come sit with me and encourage me and listen to me.  Those of you who have held me as I weep, snot and all...reminding me to breath.  Without the help of several dedicated friends, I doubt I'd have a larger than life Christmas tree lit and decorated in my great room!

I would love your prayers.  I'm ready to be well again.  I'm ready for my soul to sing again.

Receiving an Abundance of Grace

There's a lot of fuss over the resurgence of the Gospel of Grace these days.  Titles such as "Radical Grace," "Hyper Grace," "Greasy Grace," and "Sloppy Agape" have been assigned to the Grace message to warn people of the danger...well, I have some opinions on this topic, but instead of refuting the message of Grace (I'll leave that to the Apostle Paul, which you can find in the book of Galatians;) I want to share with you how Abundant Grace has transformed my thinking and how I will never be the same because of it.

A verse I am keeping ever before me in this current season of life is Romans 5:17, let's take a look at it:

"For if by the one man's offense death reigned through the one, much more those who RECEIVE ABUNDANCE of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ." (emphasis mine)

There's much going on this verse, but for today I want to focus on the word "abundance."  Let's look at this word in the Greek.  It is the Greek word "perisseia" pronounced "per-is-si'-ah."  

According to AMG Publishers "Hebrew-Greek Study Bible" this word is defined as "super abundance, abundance, superfluity."  One of the synonyms for the word is defined as "huperbole" where we get the word "hyper" from.  It is defined as a "throwing beyond others, supereminence, pre-eminently-abundance (far more) exceeding, excellency, more excellent, beyond (out of) measure."

I don't know about you, but sign me up for hyper Grace!  

The other word that is standing out to me in Romans 5:17 is "receive."  Now, I could list the definition of the word in the Greek, but it's lengthy...for the purpose of this post let's leave it as "to take."  

I am absolutely UNDONE at the revelation in this verse...if we want to reign in life we are to RECEIVE ABUNDANT GRACE!!!  It's not something I do, or you do; it's something Jesus already did on our behalf!!!

You know what else Jesus took care of on our behalf?  Sin.  Yet, we still struggle, don't we?  I'm currently struggling with the sins of worry and fear.  What replaces fear?  Perfect love.  Who is perfect love?  Jesus.  So, let's filter that through Romans 5:17.  What is my position in order to reign in life?  Receive abundance of His Grace and in my particular situation, His perfect love.

I love the late Dallas Willard's definition of Grace.  He says, "Grace is God acting in our lives to accomplish what we cannot do on our own."  Here's another Willard definition of Grace, "Grace is the personal presence of Jesus, enabling or empowering you to be and to do-All that He called you to be, All that He called you to do."

In my strength, I can strive all day long to overcome fear and it will NEVER happen...how do I know?  I've tried.  I've tried as recently as yesterday!  I come up short every time and back to where I started, actually, usually worse than when I started.

Grace doesn't just barely cover it, Grace covers it abundantly...more than enough!  He is a "more than enough" Papa!!!

Do you want to reign in life?  I do.  There's Grace for that...do you receive it?  I am convinced that right believing leads to right living.

Pray with me, "Papa, I thank You for the gift of Your Son, Jesus.  I thank You that because He sacrificed in my place I can reign in life.  I thank You that because of Jesus, I am righteous.  As I become more aware of this truth, I am empowered by Grace to be all that You created me to be.  I thank You for being a generous Papa, there is no lack in You.  I thank You for the divine exchange, it's more than just life for eternity, it's life here and now.  Today I choose to RECEIVE Your abundant Grace and receive the promise of reigning in life. In the name of Jesus, AMEN!"

Katy Perry, I See Jesus in You!

This past Sunday I had the pleasure of hearing Paul Manwaring speak in Atlanta.  He posed a thought provoking question, "If you've been born for such a time as this; what time is it?"

His message had many points, but he made one statement, in particular, I just can not get away from and it is this:  "If we (the Church) remain silent, people will find relief from somewhere else."

For the last several years I've been on a journey of discovering the heart of Papa God.  I've said it before on this blog, I think His heart has been grossly misunderstood by His children.  We then have turned around and mis-represented His heart to the world...the world who so desperately needs to know the unconditional love of the Father.

Through this journey, I have learned to challenge the status quo as defined by the Church.  Just because I've heard something taught for years and through multiple sources doesn't mean I take it as truth anymore.  I have become a student of Holy Spirit, viewing the Word through the lens of Jesus.   I now look at the Word of God looking for Jesus and He is in every word, both Old Testament and New and I must say, He is BEAUTIFUL!

If your my Facebook friend you may know I recently posted a link to one of Katy Perry's new songs, "Unconditionally."  I hear the heart of Papa in it and I know that although Katy is very confused about many things, this song was inspired by Holy Spirit.  It is full of truth.  So, I bought her latest album on iTunes.

Some of the songs I automatically hit skip, because quite honestly they are full of sexual innuendo and just don't make me feel good.  Not judging anyone who listens to them; they're just not for me:)

There are three songs which have my attention on this album and I want to focus on one of them in this post.  This post is going to be lengthy, hope you stay with me.

The name of the song is "It Takes Two."  Let's take a look at the lyrics:

"Is Mercury in retrograde or is that the excuse I've always made
'cause I wanna blame you,
But I can only blame myself

Yeah, it's easy to throw you under the bus
I'll call you crazy, while I'm filling my cup
I say these things to hurt you
But I only hurt myself

Oh, I can only take responsibility for me
It takes two, two sides to every story
Not just you
I can't keep ignoring
I admit half of it, I'm not that innocent, oh yeah

It take two, two sides to every story
Not just me
You can't keep ignoring
But let me be first baby to say "I'm sorry"

I face my demons, yeah, I paid my dues
I had to grow up, I wish you could too
I wanted to save you, but I can only save myself

Oh, I can only be the changing one to see
Yeah, I can see

I point my finger but it does me no good
I look in the mirror & it tells me truth
Why all these lessons always learned the hard way
Is it too late to change"

Ok, here is where my opinion is probably going to be different than most.  I don't know Katy, but I have a sense she is a believer in Jesus.  I think she bought into lies that led her down a path of destruction and poor choices.  What I see in some of her songs is a young woman coming back to what is true and who she really is, a much loved daughter of Father God.

Is her life messy?  No doubt.  Has she bought into the Hollywood scene and fast life that comes with it?  I think that is obvious.  Unlike most of us, she doesn't have the luxury of anonymity.  Her journey is out there for all the world to see.  Instead of looking at what Katy is not, I choose to look at her how heaven sees her.

If I want to see Christians bashing other Christians, current pop stars, entertainers and even ministers of the Gospel, I don't have to go any further than Facebook.  I think it's time we look at those who have influence in a different light.  Instead of bashing them and saying they are going to burn in Hell, why don't we choose to see them as Father God sees them, because my Bible tells me He loves them!  And, gasp, dare I say it, pray for them?

Let me tie this back into my opening quote from Paul.  Our children and our teenagers are looking.  They are seeking and unless they are living in a cave (good luck with that, btw) they are most likely looking to Hollywood for their direction.  Looking at what will make them acceptable among their peers and even looking for counsel through song lyrics (yeah, that's scary, isn't it?)

"If we (the Church) remain silent, people will find relief from somewhere else."  Silent about what?  Silent about the goodness of God, redemption, forgiveness, life, to name a few.  Oh, Christians are plenty vocal, but it's time we use our voice to speak and impart LIFE!

I want to dissect the above lyrics a little.  I'm not going to go into each line, but a few that stand out to me.

"I wanna blame you, but I can only blame myself."  Katy, how about we don't blame anybody?  Instead why don't we take responsibility for our words & actions and clean up our messes?

"I say these things to hurt you, but I only hurt myself."  This is truth.  When we hold onto unforgiveness, hate and bitterness, they eat away at our souls.  They weigh us down, not the one we harbor the feelings toward.

"Oh, I can only take responsibility for me."  Truth!  Truth!  Truth!  On your very best day, you have control of you.  You can not take responsibility for anyone else, unless you want to be co-dependent, which I don't suggest at all.

"But let me be first baby to say "I'm sorry."  Good advice.  I often tell engaged couples that is the best marriage advice I have to give them.  Say you're sorry even when it's not your fault!

"I wanted to save you, but I can only save myself."  Yes, you only have the power to save yourself by choosing to believe in what Jesus did for you.  You don't have the power to fix or save anyone else, but you can show them Jesus by your words and actions, making Him lovely to those who need Him.

"Is it too late to change?"  NEVER!  You, reading this that believe it's too late for you, let me be the one to share with you, it's NEVER too late with Jesus.  And, you get bonus, because He promises to use what was meant for your harm to your good.  Want proof of that?  Go read Romans 8:28.

Bottom line, the Katy Perrys of this world are influencing our children, we can either criticize and turn up our religious noses; or we can believe for her return.  Like the father in the Prodigal Son, I want to throw her a party!

Hmmm...Miley, you are next!

The Gospel of Grace has radically changed me.  I hope to share more about that with you soon...in the meantime, I encourage you to look for Jesus everywhere...He's not limited to the pages of the Book and this is just one more reason, My Soul Sings!

He. Still. Moved.

I can not pass up the opportunity to sit down this afternoon and write a short blog, sharing with you how my Daddy God blessed me with a realization this morning. 

Last week I asked a person this question, "What's more important, your commitment to Christ or Christ's commitment to you?"  In my opinion, Christ's commitment to me is far more important than my commitment to Him.  Religion would teach us our commitment is of most importance.  Personally, I don't want anything to do with something that is dependent upon my performance or lack there of.

Like most of you, I have issues in my life I am laying before the Father.  One area in particular I seem to volley back and forth with trusting God and picking up the worry/concern and trying to bear it in my own way.  When it is at His feet, I am at peace.  When I try to control or fix it, peace is far from me.  I place a high value on peace, so its' absent strongly impacts many areas of my life.

Aside from the one area I am continually having to surrender to Daddy, less weighty issues (in my estimation they are less weighty) pop up from time to time.  Such a situation arose this past week.  In all honesty the situation was a frustration to me.  I prayed about it and even thought it might be an area in which He was refining me.  Not wanting to miss the opportunity for an upgrade in my thinking, I told Him what was on my heart.

I'd like to say my attitude was all peachy, sunshine and roses, but it wasn't and you know what?  He.  Still.  Moved.  Not only did He move, He moved in the way I asked for Him to move...stinky attitude and everything.

As I was laying in bed this morning, He gently reminded me He was completely trustworthy and faithful.  It was then I realized He was building my faith in Him, to be able to trust Him with greater things in my life...you know, the one I keep laying down, picking up, laying down, picking up!  My heart filled with thankfulness and love for my Daddy God!

He's totally able to move in that situation too...after all, His commitment to me is far stronger than my commitment to Him...BUT, the more I realize His commitment to me, the more I rest in it and the more I rest in the finished works of the Cross and Grace, the more fruitful my walk becomes...not because of me, but all because of Him.  Resting in Him today, awed by His faithfulness and this is why My Soul Sings!

Parenting and The Gift of Time

"The greatest gift our Father gives us is His presence. The greatest gift we can give our children is ours." 

Parenting.  It's a sensitive subject and there are a vast number of opinions on the topic.  I've shared my opinions and parenting style of choice in blog posts past.  

I've made my fair share of parenting blunders.  I've done a lot wrong, but I would like to think I've done more right.    There will always be areas I wish I had handled a situation differently, spoken a little more softly, reacted a little less abruptly, etc.  But I don't believe in living in regret.  Regret will eat you up, rob you of today, the present, and the gift of the now in front of you.  Don't live in regrets.  Trust me on that one.

So, instead of regret, I look at how I can do things differently going forward.  This is where the opening quote struck me right between the eyes.

How many times has one of my girls wanted my undivided attention and I responded to them, "just a minute, I'm busy," "I need to make this phone call," "we'll do that tomorrow,"  "you can tell me later," or "not right now, I've got laundry, dishes, dinner, etc to do."  My younger daughter often asks me to watch a show with her.  I oblige her request with my physical presence, but I sit there and scroll through social media sites on my phone or answer e-mails from my laptop.  She comments.  I make excuses.  Eventually she stopped asking.  Sigh.

When my girls were younger, I was a fanatic about my house being clean.  If it wasn't clean I got grouchy (ok, some things haven't changed)...having a clean house and everything in order was my priority.  In hindsight I wish I would've ignored the sink full of dishes, dusty baseboards and piles of laundry and spent a little more time on the floor coloring, playing Polly Pockets, Thomas the Train, and dress up.

I heard a statistic (I don't know the source)  this generation of teens is the loneliest, most depressed generation ever.  After spending some time with this generation, I can testify to these facts.  In our busyness we've left behind the fundamentals of family time, dinner around the table and other relational family activities.  We've lost our relational connectedness as a result.

Father God is always available.  He doesn't have to check His calendar or pencil us in.  If I have something I want to share with Him or talk about, He is there and the best listener I know!  As I have stated in previous posts on parenting, I want Father God to be my parenting model.  

I want to listen more to my girls and comment less.  I want to disconnect from social media, ministry and the "to-do list" long enough to be completely and totally PRESENT for them.  I want to give them the gift of my time...because let's be honest, time is a gift, not a commodity we can buy.  

No matter what your parenting style, I think we can agree, time is something all children need.  Are you giving your children the gift of your presence?  If not, start today!

In the Shower with Jesus

Hopefully the title of this post doesn't offend anyone, because if truth be told; and you are a believer, you are IN CHRIST and there's no where you go that He doesn't;)  I had a shower epiphany this morning.  Now, you guys can count yourself blessed I don't share all my shower 'epiphanies' in blog posts.  The shower seems to be the place where He speaks to me the most often.  Occasionally, He will awaken me from sleep during the night, but I don't always get up and listen.  He knows me well; so, in the shower it is:)

This morning's insight was so seemingly random.  I suppose the timing might become clearer to me in the days to come, but if it doesn't, I'll just count it as an insight He wanted to show me 'just because.'  He can do that, ya know?  Just because He loves talking to us!

He took me back to the junior high lunch table and some remarks a boy a year older than me said to me, more than once.  The comments were rude, degrading, explicit, sexual and a direct assault on my physical body.

This wasn't a totally new memory for me to re-visit.  When I went through inner healing this memory surfaced and I forgave the boy for his disparaging remarks.  It's a healed memory; I can know this because the thought of it doesn't bring any pain.  It remains part of my history, but it no longer defines who I am.

As I was picturing the setting in my imagination the question struck me, "why did I continue to sit at lunch with this group of people?"  I honestly can't remember any of the other 'players,' just this one offensive (older) boy and his remarks to me.  I can only assume we had mutual friends, which placed us at the same table, because I know for certain there were no assigned seats.

It was like Jesus was showing me this picture, but He wasn't really saying anything about it.  This is when I realized I would not put myself in that situation currently.  I wouldn't continue to expose myself to someone who didn't respect me.  Would I be kind to them?  Yes.  Would I go out of my way to reach out to them?  In the words of my 16 year old, 'probs not.'  Would I sit at the lunch table with them?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I think Jesus wanted me to see how far I've come, from self-hatred and no value or respect for myself, to healthy boundaries with those who don't see me for who I really am.  From a victim mindset to one of an overcomer.

A victim doesn't see their worth.  They don't expect to be respected by others; because, quite frankly, they don't respect themselves.  I've said this many times, but it bears repeating...one sets the standard for which one can receive love/respect/honor.  To the degree you love/respect/honor yourself is the degree others will love, respect and honor you.

In the case of this boy at the lunch table, for years his remarks rang through my head and I believed them to be true.  In reality, they were quite false.  From his remarks I formed the belief of many other lies, escalating in depth from the one he spoke over me.  Do I blame him?  Nope.  You see, we choose what to believe.  Sure, as a young teenage girl I was more vulnerable to deception than I am now, but still, it was my choice.

Not really sure why I'm sharing this with you today.  It's always my prayer that what I share will bring hope to someone currently struggling with where I've been.  It's just another way I relish in trampling on the work of the enemy:)  What he (satan) meant for my harm and destruction, Papa God turned into a platform for me to share truth.  Oh, the redemption and restoration of my Papa God makes MY SOUL SING!

Known for Love

I've been thinking about something.  Uh-oh, there she goes thinking again:)  As I realize God's perfect love more and more, I just can't get away from it's simplicity, yet complexity.  Obviously, we've made it very complex, because if the body of Christ had an accurate and deep understanding of God's love I am convinced we would be living differently.

The Gospel of Christ is ridiculously good news!  So good, I think we have a hard time embracing just how good it is.  God's love comes with no strings or stipulations, why do we add them???  We go back to religious mindsets and mix old covenant law with new covenant reality.  There is such a burning desire in my heart to teach and impart the good news of the new covenant to everyone I know.

As I've written previously, the body of Christ impaling the body of Christ grieves me...DEEPLY!!!!  Honestly, there's not a day goes by I don't think of it and pray about it and look for ways to bring about reconciliation.  There are times I have considered taking a sabbatical from Facebook, merely because of posts that I feel are grossly misrepresenting my Jesus to a broken world.

What if, just what if, your only job as a follower of Christ was to love people?  I can hear the question now, what about the Truth?  What about what we stand for on topics such as same sex marriage, abortion, etc?  I get that, people.  I really, really do!  I believe marriage is one man and one woman.  I believe that abortion is murder.  But, seriously, it's not my place to impose my standards (which are derived from the Bible) on those who don't even believe in my God.  To quote the Bible at a person who doesn't believe in Jesus is utterly silly.

I go back to Romans 2:4 that it is His kindness that leads to repentance.  Repentance isn't wailing and crying for hours and hours proclaiming how sinful you are before the Lord, begging for His mercy.  Repentance is changing the way you think.  Turning from your worldly or sinful thought/belief in exchange for His.  Something like, "Father, I have believed a lie and I have made bad choices based on this belief.  I am truly sorry.  I receive Your forgiveness.  I choose to believe Your truth today."

Here lately, I can not get away from the Gandhi quote, "I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

You know what?  The Ten Commandments are still valid.  We are no longer under the law, but that doesn't make the law invalid.  Instead of worrying about people keeping the laws, what if we focused on the one law Jesus said was most important?  The law of love which is; love God, love others as you love yourself.

Henry Lewis Drummond wrote the following in 1890:

'If you love, you will unconsciously fulfill the whole law.  You can readily see for yourselves how that must be so.  Take any of the commandments. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."  If a man loves God, you will not need to tell him to put away other gods.  Love is the fulfilling of that law.  "Take not the Lord's name in vain."  Would a man ever dream of taking the Lord's name in vain if he loved Him? "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy."  Wouldn't a man be glad to have one day in seven to dedicate more exclusively to the object of his affection?  Love would fulfill all these laws regarding God.

In the same way, if a man loves others, you would never think of telling him to honor his father and mother.  He could not do anything else.  It would be preposterous to tell him not to kill.  He could not do anything else.  You could only insult him if you suggested that he should not steal-how could he steal from those he loved?  It would be superfluous to beg him not to bear false witness against his neighbor.  If he loved him it would be the last thing he would do.  And you would never dream of urging him not to covet what his neighbor had.  He would rather they processed it than himself.  In this way "love is the fulfilling of the law."  It is the rule for fulfilling all rules, the new commandment for keeping all the old commandments, Christ's one secret of the Christian life.'


Jonathan Welton says, "the difficultly of developing this type of lifestyle is that we must have our eyes focused not on a list of rules, but upon walking in love in our relationships."


The deeper I go in God's love the less I am tempted to break one of these laws.  Does that mean I am sinless?  NO!  When I do sin it's because I have left the truth of God's love.  Sin is a counterfeit way to get a need met.  When sin is present it is just an indication of an area where God's love needs to be received.  The grace of God empowers us to walk free from sin!

So, what's my point of this blog post?  Simple.  As believers I think we should take the words of Jesus to heart and start loving others.  If we were truly and accurately representing our Savior our churches would be full to max capacity.  The lost would be flocking to Jesus.

Body of Christ, it's time to stop hating and debating.  It's time to start representing our Father with excellence.  It's time to get over our divisions and disagreements and focus on the one thing that matters.  Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, Your love is amazing!

So, the next time you are tempted at work, on social media or wherever else you find yourself 'taking a stand for Jesus' by proclaiming what you are against perhaps try developing a relationship with someone who needs Jesus.  That girl who just had abortion, she doesn't need to hear how wrong it was.  She needs to know the love and forgiveness of Jesus so she won't make the same choice again.

My Soul Sings because I live in the new covenant and the Gospel of grace is such good news!!!!!  Help us, Jesus, become a people of relationship.  I want to be known for love and representing You well!

Lesson from my Teenager

It's been awhile since I've written a post about a life lesson with spiritual application.  Oh, do I have one for you today!

My daughter, Rachel, has been driving for a few months now.   Everyday she drives herself and her sister to school, then she drives herself to and from swim practice six days a week.  She knows two ways to get to swim practice, but any deviation from her departure or arrival location and she has no clue what way to go.  Both her father and I have impeccable sense of direction, so we are unsure where her lack of direction comes from ;)

Today she ran an errand after school and on her way home she came across stand still traffic.  Mind you, she was a mere two miles away from home, so she was definitely on her own turf.  Patience is a fruit she has yet to manifest consistently.  Instead of waiting through the traffic she decides to turn off onto another road.

Now that's all well and good with one slight problem, she doesn't know where she is going!  Should she?  Yes.  Remember, she was only two miles from home.

My phone rings.  "Mom, there's a wreck and traffic wasn't moving, so I turned off and now I don't know how to get home."  Hmmm...I didn't hold back my frustration, unfortunately, I slammed her with it...you see, this happens more often than I would like...we get a phone call with her lost and us having to talk her through directions to get back to a point of reference she is familiar.

Ok, so you're probably thinking a GPS would be a perfect Christmas gift.  I agree, but back to the spiritual lesson Holy Spirit showed me from this.

How many of us in our Christian walk find ourselves on the path being directed by Him?  We know we are going the right direction, we can hear and see Him beckoning us forward.  We have vision.  Inevitably somewhere along the road we can count on a few bumps, a few obstacles, challenges, distractions, etc.  The truth is He has not moved, He is still calling us forward, but because of the "bump" we lose our focus and for any number of reasons we decide to take a different path.  Problem is without vision (direction) we don't know where we are going and get lost.

Thankfully, Holy Spirit is always there to help us get back on the right path.  Just as I was on the other end of the phone directing Rachel back home.

I shared this analogy with Rachel and she laughed and said, "that's so me!"  I encouraged her to slow down, think things through and just because she comes across traffic congestion doesn't mean she needs to turn and go another way, especially if she doesn't know another way!

In our Christian walk I think the "bumps" are opportunities.  Opportunities to encounter and know Him, trusting Him to guide our steps.  Through this process comes maturity.

Have you gotten off the path?  No reason to panic.  Simply ask Him where to go from here.  He'll show you what steps to take!

Holy Spirit I thank you for Your direction.  I thank You for Your patience with me when I decide to take a detour.  I thank You for always lovingly pointing me back to the Father.  You are my global positioning system (GPS) and though sometimes I may feel lost, I'm not, because I am secure in the palm of Your hand and this makes MY SOUL SING!

My thoughts on Election 2012

Unless you're living under a rock, you know today is November 6th.  It is Election Day in these great United States of America.  The day we, the people, go to the polls and cast our vote for the man we want to lead our country for the next four years.

I make no claims that what I am about to share is theologically, politically or even socially correct.  I'm not looking for agreement, but merely sharing my heart.

Yes, I voted, early actually, for which I am grateful.  It is not the point of this post to tell you who to vote for...in fact, I hope to write this post with complete impartiality.

My heart is grieved today.  I woke up with a heaviness, a deep sadness.  Not because I fear the outcome of today's election...I am actually quite at peace there.  My heart is grieved because the body of Christ is impaling each other and this time it's over Republicans versus Democrats.

I have lost count of the numerous posts on social media over the last weeks with believers demonizing (for lack of a better word) those on the opposite side.  Many times believers accusing believers.  Posing questions like, "How can a believer vote for a man, when he is for killing babies, anti-Israel and pro same sex marriage?"  Or, "Jesus said to help the poor, my candidate does that."  "I'm voting for the man most consistent with Biblical values."  Of course they go on to claim that God's man is their man.

Now, I've been nice with these examples.  I've seen far more vitriolic posts than these.  Some posts are finger pointing, some are angry, some are sarcastic, some are arrogant, but the underlying current in much of them is fear.  Fear that if their man is not elected their future is less than secure.

Do you fear your future?  If I look at the current economic and moral culture around me, I might fear my future, too.  So, instead, I choose to look to the kingdom of heaven, believing 'on earth as it is in heaven'...my eyes focused on Jesus.  I can assure you He's not a Republican or a Democrat.  He's also not wringing His hands in heaven, wondering if us silly people will get it right.

Body of Christ, are our tirades, accusations and such doing anything to influence people or are they just making them bitter toward the God we are suppose to represent?  Last I checked the best way to influence people is by building a relationship with them and sharing our hearts, without an agenda.  When unbelievers see us going at each other, judging one another for their party affiliation, they want no part of our God.

Like I stated in the beginning, I'm merely sharing my heart.  I believe loving and honoring one another doesn't come with a pre-requisite of agreement...that's the point of this post.  As the body of Christ we need to focus on loving each other, I don't think demonizing people for their beliefs is a very effective means of communicating love.

My Soul Sings because I have peace that is not of this world.  My Savior was put into office over 2000 years ago and He never changes.  His ways are just and His law is love.  He has assured me of my victory, my hope in Him is secure.  He is for me.  No man can separate me from my identity in Christ. There can be chaos and confusion around me, but within me there is a peace that calms the fiercest of storms.  I serve a good and perfect King, His name is Jesus.  I hope you know Him.  He loves you very much!

Get out there and vote!  Personally, I look forward to tomorrow morning when all this tension is hopefully behind us.  I will pray for whomever is elected to lead this country...cause he's going to need them!

I want MORE, Lord!

I've been listening to a song by Cory Asbury and Jaye Thomas called "Shekinah."  At the end of this post I will add a link where you can listen to it.  The song is quite simple, with repetitive lyrics...which I've grown quite fond of for several reasons.... but, that's another topic for another day...

Here's a sampling of the lyrics, "You move and we want more.  You speak and we want more.  We want the fullness."

More.  In my circles it's a common request in prayer to ask the Lord for more.  More of Him.  More of His presence.  More of His power.  More of His goodness.  More of His love.  Just simply, more of anything and everything pertaining to Him.

I can see how someone not knowing the context of this request, or that is unfamiliar with the quest for more of the Lord, could come to the conclusion this is a selfish request.  I wanted to take the opportunity to journal, I mean blog, about what this heart cry means to me.

When a person believes and accepts Christ as their Savior, He makes His home inside of them.   You get all of Him.  So, when I ask for more, I'm never insinuating that one has been cheated a part of God.

I fully believe God is so vast and mysterious I will spend my lifetime getting to know Him.  Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter." It's part of our adventure with God, the romance... the intimacy of getting to KNOW Him!  We are told in both Proverbs and Jeremiah that if we seek Him, we will find Him.

Usually spiritual laws mimic natural laws, but there is one in my opinion that does not.  Eating.  In the natural the more you eat the fuller you get.  In the spiritual the more you eat, the hungrier you become.  The more time I spend in the presence of Jesus, the more I want!  The more I worship Him, the more I want to worship!  The more time I spend in His Word, the more time I want to read and learn about Him!

During intimate times of worship (usually in the privacy of my home with no one else watching) I feel His presence so tangibly I feel I will explode inside from the fullness!

I've also heard it compared to a marriage relationship.  In a healthy marriage it's probable you love your spouse more today than the day you said, "I do."  Why?  Because you've grown together and you're love has also grown.  I love my husband more today than I did twenty years ago.  There are probably many reasons, but one is maturity.  Through maturity my ability to love and receive love has increased in capacity.

As you receive the "more" of God something else happens...He increases and you decrease.  It's all part of becoming more like Him.  As you decrease and He increases you can be trusted with more without pride or selfish motives getting in the way.

So, why doesn't God just reveal Himself fully and completely upon salvation?  My personal opinion is I don't think we could live!  I believe that's what is meant in Exodus 33:20 which states no man can see Him and live.  I don't interpret this to mean if you see the face of God you die a physical death, because we are told numerous times in scripture to seek His face and turn our eyes to Him.  I interpret it to mean no human can encompass all His glory and remain the same...you would cease to be human!

I hope just reading this post has been an appetizer for you to seek more of God!  Just writing it has made me hungry for more of Him!  I can't seem to get enough of His kindness and goodness...it's just overwhelming!

As promised here is the link to "Shekinah."  Turn your eyes and heart toward Jesus and take a listen. Invite Him to reveal Himself in a deeper way to you.  Ask for MORE, LORD!  My Soul Sings because I have a living relationship with the Lover of my soul, a limitless supply of His perfect love and He has made me FREE!!!!!

Living to Die or Dying to Live?

Today I want to share some thoughts running through my mind that have come from responses to my decision to eat for life, instead of living to eat.

People are curious as to why I have chosen to make radical changes to my diet.  When I tell them weight loss was just a benefit of the changes and not the reason for them, they are perplexed.  I want to live healed and whole.  If what I eat empowers my body to fight disease, prevent disease, etc., I'm all for it.  Why?  Because I want to live many days on this earth as an offering to the One who lives inside of me.

I have been surprised at people's responses; especially believers, who don't want to live past 75-80 years of age.  Let me add here, I do not judge anyone.  This post is sharing my personal convictions, which I do not impose on ANYONE else.

Now, honestly, I don't want to live to see 100 if it means I'm holed up in a nursing home, with someone wiping drool from my face 24/7.  But if I can live to see 100 and live it abundantly, count me in!

Why?  Because I believe as believers we shouldn't be so singularly focused on going to heaven that we miss what He put us here on earth to do.  If this was every believer's mentality who would be spreading the Good News?  No, friends, your salvation is so much MORE than a get out of hell free card.  It's a call on your life to go be light in a dark world!

As a believer if my goal is just to make it through another day so I am one day closer to heaven that's NOT abundant life.  That's living in survival mode.  God's plan for you is abundant life (see John 10:10, 3 John 2.)

When you accept Jesus as Savior the old you dies.  This is what the act of baptism symbolizes.  Buried with Christ, raised to walk in newness of life (Romans 6:4.)  We die in order to LIVE!

Which brings me to the question the title of this post poses.  Living to die or dying to live?  My Soul Sings because it is no longer the old me who lives, but Christ in me!  This world is not my eternal home, but it is my mission field, my assignment.  I will embrace each day I live on this earth as a gift from heaven!

Papa God, I am sorry for the times I have wished my days away.  For the times when things got hard and instead of turning to You for strength I prayed for You to take the adversity away from me.  I was focused on my comfort and not the greater good You had in store for me.  I am sorry for times I haven't honored my body as the temple of Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19-20.)  Continue to help me steward this body You have given me so that we can co-labor to bring heaven to earth for all my days here (I Corinthians 3:9, Matthew 6:10.)  Help me to see people as You see them.  Break my heart for what breaks Yours and then give me the courage and boldness to take action.  Thank You, Papa, for preparing a place for me.  I look forward to the day when heaven becomes my permanent home, but for now, teach me how to remain aware that I am seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6.)  You are such a good Papa.  I want to tell the world about Your goodness and represent Jesus well.  I love You and I thank You!  In the name of Jesus I pray, AMEN!

True Freedom

I've had some thoughts mulling around in my head the last couple of weeks.  I think they are worthy of a quick blog post :)  

I love freedom.  I love freedom in Christ.  I love teaching others about freedom in Christ.  It's a subject very dear to me.  When a subject is dear to me I want to protect it.  Likewise it also grieves me when I  see a subject dear to my heart misunderstood or abused.

What does the term freedom in Christ mean to you?  

To some radical, "you can't chain me to anything," believers it is a license to do whatever they please all in the name of grace.  This saddens me because I think it cheapens grace.  Go read Romans 6 and you will quickly see how Paul addressed the subject.  

As someone who was once chained to religious bondage, I have had many paradigm shifts on the topic of freedom and grace...including a very brief season in the radical group I just mentioned.  As I grew in relationship with my loving Abba Father, He gently reminded me; that although I am completely free because of His Son, holiness is not optional.  

I recently heard freedom defined this way, "Freedom, it's not permission to do what I want, but permission to do what is right."  

When we are in love our desires change.  Because I am in love with Jesus, I want to please Him.  It's not out of fear of punishment or the wrath of God (I believe Jesus satisfied those on the cross) that I desire to do what is holy and good.  It's because I value my relationship with my heavenly Father and will do anything to protect His heart.  Do I always get it right?  Absolutely not....and that is where grace enters...which makes My Soul Sing!

Warfare, Rest and Relationship

Today I want to share my thoughts on a very familiar passage of scripture, Psalm 23.  I would venture to say Psalm 23 is one of the most well known passages among pre-believers (sounds better than unbelievers, don't you agree?)

Most of us probably associate Psalm 23 with physical death as this passage is read at many funerals.  In today's blog I would like to propose to you it's not really about physical death at all, but who God is.

Let's start by reading it:

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (NIV)

Let's start with verse two, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters..."  What do you think of when you think of the color green?  I think of life, abundance, fertility and growth to name a few.  David, being a shepherd himself, can relate to the significance of green pastures.  Green pastures to me represent those seasons of our lives where everything is healthy and thriving.

What visual does quiet waters give you?  Again I think of life and I am reminded of Ezekiel 47:9, "where the river flows everything will live."

When I read verse two I hear permission to be at rest.  Lie down.  Enjoy.  Contemplate the goodness of God.  Be refreshed and revived.  Live!  Take a cool drink of Him and allow Him to restore your soul.  Oh, I could just camp out here and go on and on...but let's keep moving:)

Jumping to verse four, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

When you read verse four what do you think of?  What is the shadow of death to you?  For me I think of darkness, bondage, entrapment...basically any area the enemy has his hand on.  What I really what to point out here is His instruction.  What do you do when you are in the valley?  You walk.  Keep moving, there is nothing to fear.

Do you get that?  In the good times (v2) you rest and in the bad times, you walk...in other words, you don't have to camp out there!!!!  While you are walking you choose to believe the Truth...you are not alone; He is with you!!!  Holy Spirit is in you and He is the source of all comfort!

Next time you are facing the darkness remember to keep moving.  Anybody else hearing the tune from the Disney movie Finding Nemo?  "Just keep swimming.  Just keep swimming.  Just keep swimming."  Change it to "just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking."  If you have no clue what I'm talking about listen to the clip on youtube here...after you've finished reading this blog post, of course;)

Are you getting this?  It's so good and my favorite part is next.  Verse five, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."  Let's focus on the first part of verse five.  What does a prepared table remind you of?  Food, of course!

In most cultures what does a table of food represent?  It represents fellowship!  Let's do lunch...potluck...dinner...meet over coffee?  We eat.  We laugh.  We talk.  We share.  We grow.  We live life together...at the table.  Are you following me?

Take note of who is not invited to sit at the table...your enemies.  Satan lost his place at the table.  He can only watch from a distance!

When I first realized spiritual warfare was real I went all out.  I drew the line at painting my face with war paint, but I was real close;)  My prayers were more like shouts and they were focused on the enemy.  All in the name of Jesus, of course; but, wow, was I exhausted!  Not saying that's wrong, but I think there's a more excellent way to battle and that's through fellowship with my Papa...at rest, in Him and in who He makes me.  This is warfare through relationship and intimacy!

At the table with Him you can learn who He makes you.  Face to face.  You can even recline if you wish!  When you know who He is, you know that He is bigger than any circumstance, any situation, any crisis, any problem, any opposition, any devil and any enemy!!!!!

And, as a bonus, you are promised goodness and love will follow you around all the days of your life here on this earth and dwelling place with the Lord for eternity (v6.) You are a target of His goodness!  That deserves a SHOUT of praise right there!!!!

In summary, bask in the good times with a heart ever thankful before God.  Keep walking with Him when things look scary and/or dark.  Don't neglect feasting at His table daily...spend time with Him, not out of obligation or duty, but because you are madly, deeply, crazy in love with Him and lovers spend time together!

I hope you see this passage of scripture in a brand new way.  It's not just for funerals, people!

Father God, thank You!  Thank you for providing an abiding place where I am not only safe, but equipped and restored.  Thank You for walking with me through the storms of life.  Please remind my heart of this truth when it feels like the darkness will consume me.  Thank You for being a good Daddy who enjoys my company.  Thank You for laughter.  Thank You for rest.  Thank You for making me a target of Your goodness and love!  My Soul Sings because I no longer need to battle alone or as an orphan!  Papa, I love You!  Amen!

If you enjoy reading My Soul Sings please become a follower and share it with your friends:)  God bless YOU!

Sounds fruity to me!

As I sit on my sofa this morning I can hear the contractor in our master bathroom.  We are a little over a week into a remodel and I'm already anxious to see it complete.  

Last month I went to hear one of my all time favorite speakers in Knoxville, Graham Cooke.  I've referenced him before in several blogs, but mainly this one.  

It's important for us to realize God isn't dealing in negatives, because He dealt with sin once, and for all, on the cross (I Peter 3:18.)  He doesn't see what is wrong in your life, He just sees what is missing in your encounter/experience with Him.  

How I long to see myself and others how heaven sees them!  I don't know about you, but the negative about a person is more obvious to me sometimes than the positive.  This is truly an area where we need to line up our thoughts to His and remember, His ways and thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8.)  

Graham had us ask Holy Spirit this question, "which fruit(s) of the Spirit do You want to develop in my life right now?"

Let's take a look at the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law."

What I have come to realize is we often try to manifest the fruits of the Spirit in our own strength, by good behavior or following the rules.  We've missed the most critical aspect...they are FRUIT.  

Fruit can be defined as "anything produced or accruing; product, result or effect; return or profit."  Fruit is produced by abiding in the Spirit.  You don't go to the store and decide today you're going to purchase some love, peace and joy...no, you go to Him and ask, "Father, I want to manifest the fruit of love, peace and joy.  What am I missing in my knowledge (encounter/experience) of You that I need in order to walk in the fruit of love, peace and joy?"  Perhaps you need to experience His deep life changing love for you before you can love the unlovable?

What if your situations and circumstances were designed to develop the fruits in you?  This would certainly require you to seek God, spend time with Him and gain His perspective...requiring fellowship with Him...He wants fellowship with us, it's why He created you and me!

So, back to the question, "which fruit(s) of the Spirit do You want to develop in my life right now?"

When I asked Him this question his response was, "patience."  Not what I wanted to hear...at all.  C'mon, Father, can't we work on developing some more joy, what about love?  Patience?  Seriously?

Well, friends, He obviously knows what He is doing, because patience is definitely an area in which I need an upgrade.  Several situations in my life right now are teaching me patience, but the most obvious (and the least personal) is walking through having our master bathroom remodeled.  Admittedly, I've become accustomed to my roomy bathroom and the convenience of awakening in the night to go to the potty and not having to venture very far to do so.  Currently my toilet is sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor.  Patience.

Remodels hardly ever go off without a hitch...you encounter issues you weren't expecting (perhaps a dead rat under your shower, mold under your floor or uneven walls:/)  Patience.  

If knowing yourself is important, one thing I know about me is this, it probably wouldn't be a great plan for us to build a house or do remodeling very often:)  It's just not my cup of tea.  But, one thing I do know, I'm claiming my upgrade in the patience department...not wasting my opportunity to become more like my Daddy...He is the most patient of ALL!

So, what are you waiting for?  Ask Him the question, "Holy Spirit, which fruit of the Spirit do You want to develop in my life right now?"  He will answer...Holy Spirit is the most excellent Teacher!  Start looking at your current circumstances in light of His answer and watch how much clarity you will receive.  Instead of seeing through a lens of negativity, see through heaven's eyes and watch how He transforms you from glory to glory!

Living a life seeking more of heaven, growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ makes MY SOUL SING!

If you enjoy reading My Soul Sings, please consider following this blog and sharing it with your friends!  Many blessings!

I won't try to fix you

When I stop, seek and listen, He almost always speaks. It's the stopping and seeking part I've struggled with the last few weeks. Feeling disconnected from fellowship with my Maker is not a feeling I like, but alas, I find myself in that place from time to time. I certainly know how to get out, but it sometimes 'feels' like I'm too far gone or the problem I'm facing is too big...there it is, that word 'feels.' Just a reminder we can't navigate this Christian walk based on our feelings...they often misrepresent the truth:)

Yesterday was not a good day for me and it was Easter, so I hated all the more the yuckiness I felt in my heart. I like peace and peace was far from me. Knowing I wasn't going to magically be delivered from my pit of despair without divine intervention (and me purposing to ask Him for help) I sent a close friend a message briefly outlining my woes and asking for prayer.

My short take on Galatians 6:2 is we sometimes need a brother or sister in Christ to bear our burdens when we can't seem to carry them to Jesus on our own. We aren't meant to carry them, but give them to Him in exchange for His easy yoke...but there have been times in my life I haven't had the strength to even bring them to His feet...I have experienced someone taking (bearing) it on my behalf; truly a beautiful experience.

Back to my request for prayer...this was a friend who knows me and knows me well. She has earned the right to speak into my life and I hers. We have trust. We have relationship. She responded, as I would expect from her, with a short message of "got it."

This morning she sent me some advice about the situation. Good advice. I agreed with it, actually the same advice I had given to others in the past. I tried to ignore the fact it was bothering me, but it wasn't going away. After a blissful morning seeking the Lord, I heard Him.

"It bothers you because it feels like she is trying to fix you. You don't need fixing, you need intercession, love and support." There it was...He was right on...Holy Spirit is BRILLIANT, you know;) I made a mental note to be more clear when requesting prayer in the future to state what I need, even prefacing my request with a 'I'm not looking for advice here, I just need your prayers and love.'

Of course the revelation didn't end here! There's always the look in the mirror He seems to ask me to make. In His sweet Daddy God voice, "Amy, you've been the fixer when others needed you to just listen and pray too." Of course I have! OUCH!!!!

Many readers don't know me personally, but many of you do...so, consider this a public apology if I have ever made you feel like I was trying to fix you. It's in my DNA to want to help people. After all it's why I life coach. I have even received a prophetic word that I am a problem solver. Because of this call and strong desire to help others, I have to be diligent not to step over the line from friend/confidant to fixer:) Sometimes people come to me for advice, but many times they just want someone to listen and love them where they are; a safe place, free from judgment and criticism.

As I was pondering this revelation and application to my life personally, I kept hearing the Cold Play song Fix You over and over in my head. I finally pulled it up on YouTube and listened to it several times. I've always liked the song. I know a little of the background of why it was written. Basically, it's about a person who wants to save someone they love from pain. The lyric 'I will try to fix you' reverberated in my spirit all morning.

How many people have I tried to fix? Out of love? Sometimes. Out of a need to control? Possibly. Because I once believed it was my job? Maybe.

He wanted me to share this in a blog. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps someone is reading this and you feel stuck trying to fix someone in your life and you are frustrated because it's not working...friend, it's not suppose to work. It's not my job, or your job, to fix anyone. Our responsibility is us. Work on you and give others the best you, you've got. Work on loving, not fixing, and remember, love listens...are you listening?

My soul is singing as I type this because now I am more free to love and listen. While I'm listening I'm going to purpose to ask others what they need and in turn communicate my needs more plainly. When people come to me with issues, I will ask them, "what do you need?" I've even asked my teen, "are you wanting advice, or for me to just listen?" Sometimes she wants advice, but many times she just wants me to listen. I can do that:)

When others come to me in times of distress I want them to encounter Jesus... because He is the only ONE capable of fixing anybody!

I am smiling as I realize my mountain that seemed larger than life yesterday doesn't seem so big now, I just needed heavenly perspective on it...which came in my quiet time this morning...and, in the process, He gave me an upgrade and revelation on a topic I wasn't even aware I needed an upgrade in...ha! Papa God, you have an amazing sense of humor...oh, how I love YOU!

Food for Life Part Two

So, if you've been waiting for this second post, you've been waiting since the end of January! My life has been FULL, FULL, FULL! I think it's been a good thing, because in the last couple of months I've gotten more information and made some adjustments to my eating habits:) I want to share some of those with you today.

If you haven't read Part One, start there, which is here.

When I first embarked on this new healthier lifestyle I was 99% vegan. Vegans don't eat anything that once had a face or came from a mom and a dad...or anything derived from something that had a face or mom or dad:) For several weeks my exception was honey. Honey isn't vegan and I consumed it several times a week.

In every aspect of my life I believe in balance. I want to steward my body the way God intended for it to be stewarded and there were some disconnects with eating a vegan lifestyle and walking in freedom. I had an inner conflict which asked the question, "if I'm not suppose to eat meat or animal products, why did God make them?" He also made our bodies with enzymes and acids that specifically are there to break down animal protein. This left me in a quandary. The science in documentaries such as Food Inc. and Forks over Knives were contradicting what I felt Holy Spirit was trying to teach me. Science should compliment faith, not talk us out of it. Which led me to some very valuable information I want to share with you today.

The problem with the Standard American Diet (SAD) isn't with our consumption of animal products...it's with how those animals are raised and fed that is the problem. For example, cows were made to consume grass. They have four stomachs to complete this process! Grass fed cows are leaner and meat from them is easily digested by humans. Hmmm....only about 3% of our beef in America is grass fed. This throws a serious wrench in the studies done in Forks Over Knives...one reliable nutritionist I follow states the statistics and study samples in FOK were all done using corn fed beef! Although I am a fan of FOK and have learned much from their program; I don't call that a balanced study.

Now, friends and readers, I'm not trying to stir the pot with this post or start an argument...I just want to present you with information with the goal of being balanced in perspective.

In talking with people I have found the whole prefers corn fed beef for taste. Yes, grass fed beef is blander...but I have never liked fatty meat, so I actually prefer it:) It is just a matter of recalibrating your taste buds...if you detox from processed food and fat, chances are, your taste buds will adjust.

With all this being said, I now have in my weekly diet grass fed beef, hormone free/antibiotic free chicken or wild caught fish. There are days I don't consume any animal protein and others where I have it with both lunch and dinner. Why? Because I believe God made them for us to eat. He never intended for our cows to be fed corn, our chickens to be injected with growth hormones and be housed in cages or our oceans to be toxic waste dumps! God also made our bodies to produce an enzyme with the sole purpose of excreting B-12 from animal protein. In a vegan lifestyle B-12 has to be obtained from a supplement. I'm pretty sure they didn't have supplements back in Bible times:)

I have opted to stay away from dairy products. Through this journey I have discovered dairy is incredibly bloating and hard to digest. It is also mucous producing. Occasionally I will have some cheese on pizza, but I always seem to regret it:) Nutritional yeast has become an excellent replacement for parmesan cheese. You can even create a vegan cheese sauce using tahini and nutritional yeast (along with a few other ingredients.)

The bulk of my food intake still consists of fresh fruits and veggies. If given choice of meat or a vegetable plate, I will go with the veggies every time.

I've lost over 20 pounds since embarking on this journey to health. People want to know what diet I'm doing. I always tell them it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. It's my desire to bust the lie the enemy has told us through the media, the latest diet trend, etc that losing weight is about counting calories, carbs or fat. If you want a temporary solution to weight loss, you can buy into that lie...but if you want a lifetime solution to health, eat nutritionally balanced!

I haven't looked into the science of what I'm about to say, but I firmly believe hunger is the body's way of telling us we need something nutritionally speaking. When we answer our body's cry of hunger with empty calories (such as a 100 calorie snack pack or rice cake) we are only temporarily appeasing it. In a couple of hours you will be hungry again because the nutritional need your body was crying out for wasn't met. Change your focus to eating nutritionally packed foods...I challenge you to try out my theory for two weeks and let me know what you think!

I hope this post has answered some questions or given you some "food" for thought...pun intended!

Good choices in all aspects of life is a goal I have. Stewarding my body is an act of obedience. Walking in complete freedom in Christ in this life He has given me is an absolute PASSION of mine...and this makes MY SOUL SING!

Food for Life-Part One

This blog post stems off of one I wrote a few months ago. If you haven't read Chunking the Junk, here is the link.

First, let me make this blatantly clear...I am NOT an expert. The information I will share with you today is the result of hours of research and practical implementation. It's one girl simply sharing with you her journey to healing, wellness and wholeness of body.

To say I have come to the final conclusion on the topic of healthy eating would be at least, ignorant; and at the most, arrogant. I will present to you some conflicting views and I invite you to do what I did, discover what works best for you and your family.

It all began with the purchase of a high speed blender, which led me to discover green smoothies. With the discovery of green smoothies I started researching different fruits, vegetables and herbs and found there truly was healing in food. Hippocrates said it best, "let thy medicine be thy food." He was on to something and it's time for America to wake up and take nutrition seriously! What we eat is killing us, literally!!!!

Many months ago I inquired of my doctor what could be done about the edema (swelling) in my ankles and fingers. His response was, "Nothing. It just comes with age and let's face it, Amy, you're almost 40." This was not okay with me!!!! Seriously, I'm fine with turning 40. I love wisdom and the wisdom that comes with maturity. 40 is alright with me:) But, I wasn't okay with being told it was just part of age.

Of course you know at some point I'm going to bring Jesus into this story, because He is the reason for my very breath. I take scripture seriously when it tells us Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly. I take it seriously when it said by His stripes we were healed. I take it seriously when it said Jesus became the curse for us and took our punishment. I take it seriously when hanging on the cross Jesus said, "It is FINISHED."

What does all that mean? To me it means I can not blame everything bad in this world to the fact it is fallen. The world might be fallen, but I have accepted the gift of salvation which means IT IS FINISHED. I call this living on this side of the cross...I'm not under the curse anymore and if you are a believer in Jesus, you aren't either. Can I get an AMEN!?!

Which leads me to choices. You and I are free to make our own choices. You have a choice what you put in your mouth. Through this journey I have realized what makes me truly free is the freedom to say no to liberties that lead me to bondage. Yes, I am free to eat cake and ice cream...but am I truly free if it leads me to obesity, diabetes and heart disease? Sounds like bondage to me!

Would you put diet coke in your car instead of gas and expect it to run? Of course not! But the average American does that everyday with their body. What we eat is our bodies' fuel. You can't put in junk and expect optimal performance.

Our bodies have the amazing ability to heal and restore, but they need the proper nutrition to do so.

So, through all this I have discovered we have it all wrong. Counting calories, carbs, fat, etc, is NOT the answer! Yes, you might loss weight using these methods, but are you healthy? I kicked dieting to the curb and made my focus good nutrition. Asking the question, am I giving my body what it needs through what I eat? Amazingly, I'm never starving and have lost about 15 pounds! I even have dessert several times a week (healthy dessert, of course.)

For those of you who exercise like it's a full time profession so you can gorge on donuts and fried chicken, more power to you. An accident in 2000 left me with nerve damage in my left leg, so exercise is more challenging for me. Don't get me wrong, exercise is GREAT and WONDERFUL...I'm just saying good nutrition should be its mate:)

After receiving multiple inquiries about my journey, I decided to write a couple of posts and outline what I've done. If you are interested in this lifestyle I advise you to take it S-L-O-W-L-Y! Make changes gradually. Cleaning out your pantry before you acquire some new options will leave you discouraged and more prone to wander back into old destructive eating habits.

Where to start? I started by eliminating soda and artificial sweeteners. Next, I eliminated processed foods. I started buying organic canned beans with no salt or sea salt. Beans are about the only item I purchase now in a can and I plan to eventually eliminate those and buy dry beans in bulk.

Replace breakfast with a green smoothie. There are other breakfast options, but I find the green smoothie to be filling and easy. Even with children you can throw in some spinach and mask it with fruit such as banana and strawberries. Spinach and romaine are the mildest greens to use.

Water, water and more water! Adding fresh lemon juice to your water is a great way to cleanse the liver and it is alkaline to the body. Having a ph balanced body is optimal for preventing disease and healing it. An acidic body makes it prone to disease!

Replace iodized processed salt with sea salt.

Fall in love with fresh produce. Eat a green salad before lunch and dinner. It's great fiber and will help facilitate digestion of heavier foods to follow. "If your salad ain't big enough for two, it ain't big enough for you!" At home I eat my salads from a serving dish:)

To avoid boredom with your salads make sure to have a variety of greens to rotate...anything but iceberg makes for a healthy, vitamin packed salad. Romaine, kale and mixed baby greens are my three favorites. I also use spinach and cabbage. Make your own salad dressing using little to no oil. My favorite right now is lemon juice, pure maple syrup and freshly grated ginger. Sometimes I add some Bragg's Liquid Aminos. Goes especially well on mixed baby greens or kale with plenty of sesame or sunflower seeds sprinkled throughout!

Organic vs Conventional. I use mostly organic greens. There are certain fruits and vegetables you want to buy organic, if possible. If using conventional and it's an item you can peel, you should do so. An example would be cucumbers and apples. The peeling holds so much nutrition, but the chemicals and wax used in conventional produce aren't worth the toxic risk. Here is a list called the dirty dozen.

Ok, so try some of these changes. I don't want to make this post too long, because nobody would want to read it:) I will come back and give you more tips...I promise not to wait too long!

In the meantime here are some great resources you should check out:

Forks Over Knives (documentary and book with recipes)

www.youngonrawfood.com (I'm not 100% raw, but her recipes are really good.)

www.kimberlysynder.net (Her book the Beauty Detox Solution is fabulous.)

Food Inc.

I, personally, have decided to eat very little meat or animal protein in general. I have an occasional piece of fish, hormone free chicken or grass fed beef. There is a study on eating by your blood type. I am type A and according to this study I do best eating a vegetarian diet. In looking at the research presented in The China Study and Forks over Knives it's hard for me to conclude that eating meat is the best for our overall health, with the statistics on heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc and the mortality rates associated with these diseases. I'll let you decide for yourself. If you do eat meat, remember smaller portions and grass fed beef are better choices.

What have I seen as a result of these lifestyle changes? Weight loss, edema is gone and I can wear my wedding rings again, heartburn gone, no headaches, better sleep, clear head (will talk about this in a future post,) and no more constipation!!! Prior diagnosis of osteoporosis has been downgraded to osteopenia (pre stages of osteoporosis.) Yes, I have had medical treatment for this, but I'm convinced it will continue to improve with my diet changes (more on this later too.)

I found it encouraging to realize once I detoxed from sugar, salt and processed junk my taste buds awakened to the wonders of real food. This stuff simply tastes amazing! Creator God is an awesome chef, a culinary genius! Why did we ever mess with His design? Hmmm.....

Guess I should give you the surgeon general's warning before I sign off...this lifestyle is a personal choice. You can't and shouldn't force it on anyone. My older daughter has chosen to adopt it with me. My husband and younger daughter have not. That's okay! I can still present them with healthier alternatives when cooking at home without violating their right to choose:) Some people don't understand. They see it as rigid and legalistic. Each person has to come to revelation on their own. My purpose in sharing is to simply give you some tools for success should you decide to make some changes.

Because popping a pill for this and that, IS NOT OKAY WITH ME! How about you? Want to get healthy in 2012? Equipping my body to bring glory to Him through Life! It makes my soul sing!