I won't try to fix you

When I stop, seek and listen, He almost always speaks. It's the stopping and seeking part I've struggled with the last few weeks. Feeling disconnected from fellowship with my Maker is not a feeling I like, but alas, I find myself in that place from time to time. I certainly know how to get out, but it sometimes 'feels' like I'm too far gone or the problem I'm facing is too big...there it is, that word 'feels.' Just a reminder we can't navigate this Christian walk based on our feelings...they often misrepresent the truth:)

Yesterday was not a good day for me and it was Easter, so I hated all the more the yuckiness I felt in my heart. I like peace and peace was far from me. Knowing I wasn't going to magically be delivered from my pit of despair without divine intervention (and me purposing to ask Him for help) I sent a close friend a message briefly outlining my woes and asking for prayer.

My short take on Galatians 6:2 is we sometimes need a brother or sister in Christ to bear our burdens when we can't seem to carry them to Jesus on our own. We aren't meant to carry them, but give them to Him in exchange for His easy yoke...but there have been times in my life I haven't had the strength to even bring them to His feet...I have experienced someone taking (bearing) it on my behalf; truly a beautiful experience.

Back to my request for prayer...this was a friend who knows me and knows me well. She has earned the right to speak into my life and I hers. We have trust. We have relationship. She responded, as I would expect from her, with a short message of "got it."

This morning she sent me some advice about the situation. Good advice. I agreed with it, actually the same advice I had given to others in the past. I tried to ignore the fact it was bothering me, but it wasn't going away. After a blissful morning seeking the Lord, I heard Him.

"It bothers you because it feels like she is trying to fix you. You don't need fixing, you need intercession, love and support." There it was...He was right on...Holy Spirit is BRILLIANT, you know;) I made a mental note to be more clear when requesting prayer in the future to state what I need, even prefacing my request with a 'I'm not looking for advice here, I just need your prayers and love.'

Of course the revelation didn't end here! There's always the look in the mirror He seems to ask me to make. In His sweet Daddy God voice, "Amy, you've been the fixer when others needed you to just listen and pray too." Of course I have! OUCH!!!!

Many readers don't know me personally, but many of you do...so, consider this a public apology if I have ever made you feel like I was trying to fix you. It's in my DNA to want to help people. After all it's why I life coach. I have even received a prophetic word that I am a problem solver. Because of this call and strong desire to help others, I have to be diligent not to step over the line from friend/confidant to fixer:) Sometimes people come to me for advice, but many times they just want someone to listen and love them where they are; a safe place, free from judgment and criticism.

As I was pondering this revelation and application to my life personally, I kept hearing the Cold Play song Fix You over and over in my head. I finally pulled it up on YouTube and listened to it several times. I've always liked the song. I know a little of the background of why it was written. Basically, it's about a person who wants to save someone they love from pain. The lyric 'I will try to fix you' reverberated in my spirit all morning.

How many people have I tried to fix? Out of love? Sometimes. Out of a need to control? Possibly. Because I once believed it was my job? Maybe.

He wanted me to share this in a blog. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps someone is reading this and you feel stuck trying to fix someone in your life and you are frustrated because it's not working...friend, it's not suppose to work. It's not my job, or your job, to fix anyone. Our responsibility is us. Work on you and give others the best you, you've got. Work on loving, not fixing, and remember, love listens...are you listening?

My soul is singing as I type this because now I am more free to love and listen. While I'm listening I'm going to purpose to ask others what they need and in turn communicate my needs more plainly. When people come to me with issues, I will ask them, "what do you need?" I've even asked my teen, "are you wanting advice, or for me to just listen?" Sometimes she wants advice, but many times she just wants me to listen. I can do that:)

When others come to me in times of distress I want them to encounter Jesus... because He is the only ONE capable of fixing anybody!

I am smiling as I realize my mountain that seemed larger than life yesterday doesn't seem so big now, I just needed heavenly perspective on it...which came in my quiet time this morning...and, in the process, He gave me an upgrade and revelation on a topic I wasn't even aware I needed an upgrade in...ha! Papa God, you have an amazing sense of humor...oh, how I love YOU!

Sarcasm Exposed

"Ever been engaged in a conversation with someone and you were attempting to disclose your deepest feelings only to have them deflect your sincerity with sarcasm? Their response to your disclosure was exposure."

This quote is taken from a blog post I read yesterday by Randall Worley. It spoke to my heart so poignantly I shared a link to it on my Facebook. I have been mulling it over in my heart and mind ever since. I wanted to share with you what Holy Spirit has revealed to me through the words given to Randall.

Someday I hope to blog about a concept I will refer to as spiritual mirrors. In short a spiritual mirror is something the Lord uses to reveal to you something about you that needs refining to look more like Jesus. It is a mirror because it is usually revealed to me through another person. What you find most aggravating about someone's personality is sometimes a mirror to something you also do. OUCH! Yes, I know, it hurts.

Randall's post on incessant sarcasm is a spiritual mirror for me. Allow me to explain. I have often been hurt by sarcasm. Maybe you have thick skin and aren't effected by sarcasm. Not me. I am a feeler and my vulnerability and transparency can often leave me as a target for what Randall refers to in the opening quote as "disclosure exposure."

I could end this post here and it would be enough, but there is more and I would be remiss not to be vulnerable and transparent with you. I would like to be able to write that I had only been a victim of sarcasm, but alas, I am afraid this is the "mirror" part...I have also been guilty of dealing out my fair share of incessant sarcasm. Yes, I have hurt others in an attempt to make myself more comfortable. OUCH!

To those of you reading this post that know me, if I have hurt or offended you with sarcasm, please except my sincerest, most heart-felt apologies. This is an area I have now submitted to the Lord for refining and pruning. It is never acceptable to use sarcasm to bring pain, one-upmanship or to avoid being "real."

A friend shared with me the Greek word from which we derive the word sarcasm from:

σαρκάζω (sarkazo) which means 'to tear flesh.'

Has your heart ever been torn by sarcastic comments? Have you been guilty of wielding such comments that tear flesh? I think most of us could answer yes to both questions, although some have more of a struggle in this area than others.

Randall is the type of blogger I hope to become someday...he blogs almost daily and his blogs most always invite me to contemplate deeper things with God. I invite you to check out his blog, but be advised he isn't your mainstream pastor/writer. He goes deep into the things of God...often times making one question theology so readily accepted in the mainstream church.

Going deeper with God makes My Soul Sing! Now, if you dare, go read the post that inspired this one here.