Love is the Key

The Beatles were really onto something with their song "All We Need is Love." But, "Whose love?" would be the question I would pose.

Have you ever had someone in your life that was just plain broken? Messed up? Hopeless? Helpless? No matter what you say or do, nothing is ever enough to pull them out of the pit of despair they find themselves perpetually living. Have you ever thought if I could just love them to wholeness everything would be so much better?

Yes, I believe love is the key and love is everything, but not necessarily human love, but divine love. Until we experience God's love, nothing and no one can fill the hole or holes in our heart.

If you follow me on Twitter or if you are my friend on Facebook you will see me often post about my love for Jesus and His love for me. Friends, these exclamations of my love for Him are more than just beautiful words to me. They are deep and they are real...because I have been forever changed by His love.

I am passionate about leading others into the same healing and freedom I have found through my relationship with Jesus. I have shared my story over coffee, lunch and through Facebook messaging. Some accept what I have to offer, others do not...and that's okay, it's their journey, my obligation is just to share when He says share:)

There are others who ask for help in walking out their journey to wholeness and freedom...inevitably, along the way there are those who don't seem to be able to get over the hurdle of their past, be it sin or shame, they just seem stuck.

I rejoice with those who walk on to victory, as I believe it is the will of the Father for each of us to walk in complete victory...but I am saddened by those who choose (yes, it is ALWAYS a choice) to go backwards...which led me to ask Papa God the question...Why? Papa, why do some embrace Your healing and others do not?

The list of obstacles is lengthy. Shame, unworthiness, guilt, fear and control are a few things standing in the way of true freedom. Each of these have to be dealt with on their own, but there is one key that unlocks them all...Love, God's love.

One of my all time favorite scriptures is I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."

Perfect love isn't a feeling or emotion; it is a person, JESUS.

Sounds so simple, yet it is so difficult for many to grasp. Papa was giving me the antidote and the answer to my question and it is love, His love. How can one get past the obstacles forming a wall around their heart, preventing themselves from being hurt, abused or taken advantage of? These walls have protected them from bad stuff, but they have also blocked the love capable of setting them free! The process to healing starts with receiving God's love.

Have you ever met someone who seemed unlovable or hard to love? Perhaps even feeling like you didn't like them too much, but you couldn't put your finger on why. Odds are, they don't love themselves and they project a "I'm not lovable" vibe. In actuality, they are dying on the inside from lack of love.

When I realized I couldn't love anyone to wholeness until they were ready to receive it, my perspective shifted. I realized I can not be more zealous about pursuing their healing than they are. So, what do you do until they are ready? You love, you surrender the person to God and pray for them how you would want them to pray for you. Ask Papa to fill them with His love, making His love real to them, filling every place in their heart where there is pain or void with His perfect love that casts out fear. He will. Loving us is His speciality and no one is excluded!

If you are reading this and the person needing to experience God's love is you, I pray you would have the courage and desire to move forward in your pursuit of our loving God. I pray you would become a target for all the goodness and love Papa God has for you! He has been waiting to lavish you with His love. The first step to walking out a path to wholeness and healing is allowing Him to love you. Let Him use the key of love to unlock your heart, you can trust Him with it!

There are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe the love of God. I am thankful He loves me with an abundant, never ending, furious, extravagant, lavish, all consuming, passionate, perfect, luscious, unconditional, marvelous, amazing, brilliant and radiant LOVE...my soul will forever sing of His love for me and for YOU! I pray your soul is singing too!

If you enjoy reading My Soul Sings, please, become a follower of this blog and consider sharing it with a friend! Blessings on you!

Ready for a Divine Upgrade? Embrace the Process!

This post is closely related to my previous post, "Grace for the Process." If you haven't read it, I invite you to scroll on down and do so.

Have you ever heard the saying, "a leopard can't change his spots?" Basically we believe one or two things to be true...you either believe a person can't change, maybe believing "they were born that way." Or, if you subscribe to the ultimate truth of God's Word, you know when one accepts the gift of salvation they become a new creation in Christ (see II Cor. 5:17.)

I 100%, adamantly, without exception or apology, believe the second statement! Upon salvation I became a new creation and will spend my entire life embracing the process to look more and more like Jesus with each passing day! Which brings me to the topic of this post...divine upgrades.

Graham Cooke (yes, I am quite fond of his teachings:) says there are unclaimed upgrades lying all around us. When difficult times come including trials, temptations, battles, etc. we can take a defeated attitude, accept things as is, wallow in self pity or hopelessness...or we can focus our thoughts and eyes on Jesus and allow Him to show us the "upgrade" available through the process! Although I am hesitant at times in submitting to the process (aka, refining) I am always looking for an upgrade...because I have learned the upgrades are well worth the "fire" to get there!

History almost always repeats itself, unless the cycle is broken. Many times we fall into the habit of doing things as usual, the way it's always been done in our families, perhaps our churches or even our denomination...finding ourselves in the same situations, with the only difference being the cast list. It was Albert Einstein who said, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Maybe it is time for us to change perspectives?

I want to share with you how you could apply this concept to your spiritual walk while merging it with the concept of heavenly upgrades.

I believe God gives us tests. I also believe He has given us EVERYTHING we need to pass these tests. There are no failures, just as many retests as needed in order to pass on to the next one, thus stepping into your upgrade in that area of your life.

Let's take offense as an example...this happens to be a common problem for all of us, after all, it was Jesus who said, "WHEN offense comes." He didn't say "IF."

How we respond to offense is a crucial step in growing up in the Lord. Offense involves relationships, rather they be friendship, family or business oriented.

I must admit my goal use to be when offense took place to make it go away as soon as possible. Sadly, this usually didn't involve seeking a solution or common ground or even agreeing to disagree...no, it meant my goal was to separate or run away from the issue...almost always without resolution. Instead of acknowledging my part in the situation, taking responsibility for my actions I would also be quick to proclaim it was spiritual warfare.

Friends, we need to be careful what we blame the devil for...taking responsibility for seeds you sow is an important first step to walking in your divine inheritance as a son or daughter of the Most High. Blame shifting, rather it be toward other people or a "the devil is after me" mentality won't get you anywhere but the pit...I know, I've been there!

Now, when offense comes I ask the Lord to search my heart according to Psalm 139:23. If I have sinned or acted in a way not pleasing to the Lord I deal with it through repentance and when necessary apologizing to those who I have hurt. I take the pain in my heart to Jesus and get His perspective...trusting Him to meet my needs and releasing those who have hurt me from any expectation I have of them to change or meet my needs...only He can do that anyway!

You have heard me say on this blog many times before and if you hang around you will continue to hear me say it again and again..."You are only responsible for you!" You can not change anybody else and if you wait on those around you to change or if you think they are the problem and your life would be better if they would only (fill in the blank) you might be waiting a very long time...and in the meantime you could have been experiencing a more joy filled, abundant relationship with Jesus as you allow Him to refine YOU! And, of course, during this time you will be presented with more opportunities to pass the test I was referring to earlier. I don't know about you, but I'm not fond of tests and don't like having to take them over and over...I want to pass the first time (although, FYI, I'm not there yet:)

If you are reading this and realize history is repeating itself over and over again in your life...I would suggest you ask Jesus a question. "Jesus, what area in my life are You exposing through Your light, in order to equip me to pass the test and receive my upgrade?"

Friends, I promise He reveals the yuck in our hearts without condemnation. He isn't mad at you or frowning at you...no, quite the opposite...He is yearning for you to come to Him, like any good father, so He can lavish you with more of Him and His solutions. Any area of your life that doesn't line up with the truth of how heaven sees you is a prime target for an heavenly upgrade! So, what are you waiting for?

Learning to seek Him for His solutions, cleaning up my own messes (instead of begging Him to make them go away) and taking responsibility for myself has led me into a more fulfilling and empowering relationship with Papa God...which always makes MY SOUL SING!

If you enjoy reading My Soul Sings, I invite you to become a follower of this blog and consider sharing it with a friend! Blessings on you!

Revelation through Duck Poo

Like the title? A little colorful for this blog, I realize, but it was so accurate I couldn't resist!

My 15 year old purchased two baby ducklings a little over two weeks ago. Her plan is to release them when they are fully grown, as we do not have a pond or place for them once they are bigger.

I conceded to her purchase; after much hesitation, because she may be an animal lover, but I am NOT. I think animals are stinky and messy. They are most cute when they are behind a fence or plexiglass at the zoo. What I wasn't prepared for was how fascinated I would become with these two baby ducklings. I have found myself sitting for minutes at a time watching them, taking pictures and video of them on my phone.

Google has become like a Bible for me when it comes to all things about pekin ducks. I have researched about feeding habits, mating habits, moulting, gender identification...you name it. The most intriguing thing I have learned about them is how fast they grow. Two weeks ago you could hold them in the palm of your hand...TINY! Now, they are over half way to fully grown! Which leads me to the reason for my blog title...they poop constantly!

My daughter cleans out their cage at least twice a day. When they are outside playing every few steps they take they poop. I have duck poo all over my driveway and in the grass! The water hose and I have become fast friends. Of course, they eat as much as they poop...but the growth, on my stars!!!! I thought human babies grew fast...these ducks grow literally overnight.

One of my favorite speakers, Larry Randolph, talks about "poo" in the church. He gives the example of the church nursery. There's plenty of poo in the nursery, but what is also there? Growth. The two go together. Newborn babies eat every 2-4 hours and they poop just about as much...but look at how fast they grow!

So, Amy, all this talk about poo is making me ill...I'm sorry, stay with me. I heard Larry give this analogy over a year ago, but the visual raising two ducks provided made it even more profound to me. Which brings me to some questions for you...

Is the church (I'm referring to the body of Christ, not the building) more concerned with looking clean and polished where it makes the poo go away (like me with my water hose) or is the church embracing the "messes" people create and seeing them as an opportunity for great growth and an avenue to maturity through the process?

Let's make this example even more real for those of you who are parents. Do you look at the "messes" your children (think especially pre-teen/teens) make as things you need to fix, cover-up or make go away...or do you look at them as learning and growing opportunities?

I pose that question to myself as well. A few years ago I measured my success as a mother on how well my girls "appeared" to behave. Their behavior was my grading scale...but behavior isn't an accurate assessment and it isn't how God measures us. The church needs to worry less about conformity to the rules and focus more on the condition of people's hearts. In this process of healing and transformation there will be messes, but hopefully they will lead to more maturity and wisdom.

What about in your own life? Do you feel stuck in failures or disappointments? Do they cripple you? I have learned, through experience, I always have choices. I don't always make the right choices...sometimes this effects only me and sometimes it effects those around me. It is my prayer you each have a "safe" environment where things can get "messy" and those around you will extend you grace and mercy just as they have received grace and mercy for themselves. We all need to be constantly "growing up" in the Lord...and friends, messes are part of the process:)

How and what God will use to speak revelation to my heart never ceases to AMAZE me and this is just another reason MY SOUL SINGS!

White as Snow, or Grey as Sludge?

I promise to return to the series I started last week. Writing conditions for me are not the best when I have people (aka my children) running in and out from playing in the snow. It usually takes me several focused, uninterrupted hours to knock out a blog post with references, etc.

As I have been stuck in the snow the last three days I have thought about the significance of snow. Many friends on Facebook have made references to the verses in scripture that speak of how Jesus washed us white as snow. I have heard references to how everyone's home and landscaping looks good under a blanket of white, fluffy snow. The snow does have a way of "leveling" the playing field. It doesn't matter what is underneath, it all looks beautiful under the pureness of white.

I always want to get up the morning after a nightime snowfall and see the roads, yards, trees, etc. covered in snow, before any activity occurs outside. Anyone else do this? Once those first shoe prints and tire tracks get made it's not the same.

So here we are late into day three of our "blizzard." Plenty of shoe prints surround my house where the girls have been playing. The roads are covered in slush, with a thin, but dangerous layer of ice underneath. Which got me to thinking...once the roads are sanded or salted, the sand/salt mixes in with oil from cars and other road debris and it creates this grey looking slush on the sides of the roads...kind of like our lives as Christians...

When we accept Jesus as our Savior His blood washed away our sins, nothing can change the fact, we are forgiven and we are sealed...but, this doesn't mean we live a perfect life, without flaws, bumps, stains...the "slush on the side of the road" so to speak.

Now, in a couple of more days the sun is going to come out and the temperatures are going to rise and this beautiful white snow will be history, until the next one. This is the question I want to pose to you. Have you allowed the "slush" of life to mix in and eventually take over the covering of Christ's blood over you? Please hear me, nothing and nobody can take away the covering of the blood of Christ, but, you can certainly live like it is gone.

There have been many times in my life when I felt less than pure, less than clean and less than covered. I allowed lies to dictate who I was and how I lived my life...the "slush" took over my thought life and the last way I saw myself was as "white as snow."

I want to encourage anyone who feels life, bad choices, sin, lies, or circumstances have overshadowed the truth "though your sins be as scarlet, you are made white as snow" there is no better time than right here, right now to allow the blood of Jesus to wash over you again...covered and beautiful in the eyes of God! He sees us ALL THE SAME AND WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL AND PURE IN HIS EYES! Thank You, Daddy! Woo-Hoo, this makes My Soul Sing!

Complaints Not Welcomed Here

"Complaining is to the devil what praise is to God." When I saw this quote from Bill Johnson, I knew there was great truth in it.

Praise is our way of acknowledging God, of keeping Him on the throne of our life. Praise is one way we show our love and thankfulness to God. Praise keeps us mindful of His presence and focused on His heart.

In His presence we find peace, strength, rest, love, comfort, joy and much more! Living from His presence equips us to live a Spirit filled life, bringing heaven to earth, advancing His kingdom. This is the will of God...and praise is the key to unlocking all of it! Just writing about it sets my heart on fire... Praise, Presence and Peace...my three favorite words beginning with the letter "p!" I might just tuck that away for a title of a future blog post;)

I guess you know where this is going...if praise empowers God in our lives, what or Who does complaining empower? Keep in mind the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Jesus came to give us abundant life (see John 10:10.) Praise leads to abundance and fulfillment. Complaining sets your eyes on the work of the enemy...actually, complaining comes into agreement with the enemy.

Now, I'm not saying there isn't room for constructive criticism. Constructive criticism has its place to bring about betterment of ourselves and others. Constructive criticism should offer a plan of action, something you can do to make the situation better. Please do not confuse the two:)

Complaining can be driven by a critical spirit, jealousy, or rejection, to name a few sources. A chronic complainer most likely is not living a life of fulfillment, joy or peace in Christ. I know. I was one.

Let's take a look at some scriptures first about the tongue in a negative sense:

Proverbs 4:24 "Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."

Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

Proverbs 12:16 "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult."

Proverbs 13:3 "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."

Proverbs 21:23 "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."

Philippians 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing."

WOW! There's more where those came from...if you want more conviction camp out in Proverbs for awhile... WARNING: Wear closed toe shoes!

On a more positive note, let's take a glance at some verses on praise and words of life:

Psalms 34:8-9 from the Message, "Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see-how good God is. Blessed are you who run to Him. Worship God if you want the best, worship opens doors to all His goodness."

Proverbs 10:11 "The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life!"

Proverbs 15:15b "A cheerful heart has a continual feast."

Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

I could continue, but I think you get the concept.

I posed a challenge on my Facebook yesterday to go the entire day without complaining. Many of my Facebook friends participated. Some shared they were successful with not speaking complaints aloud, but still struggled to take the thoughts captive. That's awesome! The first step is learning to recognize it before it leaves your lips!

At one point in the day I realized I had talked less, not wanting a complaint or critical comment to leave my mouth. Guess there is much wisdom in Proverbs 10:19 about when words are many, sin is not absent:) Lesson learned...talk less!

Having success in the challenge was empowering to me. I felt wonderful and my spirit was uplifted. Our words really do carry much power, either to bless or to curse. I want to bless.

You might be thinking, "Amy, this all sounds good, but really, no complaining...I think I might explode!" God knows our humanness and His Word is full of instruction. Let's take a peek at some:

Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, O' people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

Psalm 142:1 "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble."

I am so thankful for David! Don't you just love how honest he is? He doesn't try to sugar coat or downplay what's bothering him. He just tells God exactly what he is feeling. What an awesome example for us! There have been many times when I have gone into my bedroom closet and beat the floor with my fist because I was mad at God. He's God and, trust me, He can handle it. By pouring my heart out to Him I was able to express the deep emotions of my heart, as ugly as they were, in the safety of His presence. The wonderful thing about it was I left the "ugly" at His feet and came out the other side of the rant session with His perspective and peace.

Honestly, when I back-up my truckload of complaints and dump them on a friend or, more likely, my husband I might feel better temporarily, but without addressing the root of what feeds my need to complain, any relief is fleeting. Have you ever listened to someone rant and rave? Ever felt slimed by it? It is very draining to be in relationship with a chronic complainer or critical person...again I know...I was one.

There are times when you need to share your heart with a friend or spouse in order to get Godly counsel or perspective...but hopefully your "venting" doesn't sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown, "wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah."

I have heard it takes 21 days to form a new habit. It is my desire to live a complaint free lifestyle. I am purposing for 21 days to not complain in hopes of it becoming a habit!

If you are interested in learning more about the important connection between our emotions and our health I suggest you read "Deadly Emotions" by Don Colbert, M.D. For more on speaking blessings check out "Blessing Your Spirit" by Sylvia Gunter and Arthur Burk.

If you are interested in participating in "21 days to a complaint free lifestyle" join with me in this prayer.

Dear Daddy, I am so thankful You have empowered me to change. You are taking me from glory to glory and I am being transformed into the likeness of Jesus. I want to live a life in complete surrender and praise to You. I want my words, thoughts and actions to reflect Your heart. I want to empower You, Daddy, to move in my life and the lives of those around me. I want my life to reflect Your heart to a broken and dying world. I want others to see the difference You have made in me and are continuing to make in me. Teach me, Holy Spirit, to talk and live like Jesus did. May I know the difference between complaining and Godly rebuke and correction. May my words be spirit as Your words are Spirit, spirit that brings life, not death. Daddy forgive me for the many times my words have spoken death and criticism that has been destructive. I break agreement with the power I have given the enemy through my ungodly words. I purpose to pour out my heart like water before You and bring my complaints to You. Instruct me Lord. Give me Your perspective, align my heart with Your heart. I want to reflect You! I love You, Daddy. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I praise You! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Empowered, Free and Walking in Victory

When I first discovered there was more to this Christian walk than just accepting Christ so I would spend eternity with Him I started reading...and read I did. Of course, I dove head first into the Word of God and then I started reading books on freedom, deliverance, spiritual warfare, and walking in the resurrection power of Jesus Christ...to name but a few topics I studied.


One of the first books I read that put me a little outside my comfort zone was "The Three Battlegrounds" (An in-depth view of the three arenas of spiritual warfare; The mind, the church and the heavenly places) by Francis Frangipane. Extra points if you can pronounce the author's last name correctly...oh wait, I can't even pronounce it correctly:)


This is a great book to open your eyes to the fact we are at war, not with each other, but with the forces of darkness Paul writes of in Ephesians 6:10-20.


From the beginning of my journey to where I am today I've taken all kinds of turns. At first, I must admit, I was a little in awe of the kingdom of darkness and the power it has here on the earth. Now, please hear me...I was never interested in dallying with the kingdom of darkness, but I did find myself looking for a demon behind every bush. The "devil made me do it" and "the devil is after me" mentality. I was giving him way more credit than he was due!


Thank God, I didn't stay in that camp for long! The Lord has shown me, although the kingdom of darkness and the devil are very real, they are also a defeated foe. He also taught me the Kingdom of God is much stronger than the kingdom of darkness! I realized what I placed my focus on I would empower. I was faced with a choice...focus on God and empower His truth in my life or focus on the work of the enemy and stay in a constant state of defeat and a never ending battle.


When we focus on the works of the enemy we are in essence making the devil really big and our God really small...when the fact is they are not equally matched opponents. Think about that for a moment and ask yourself the question, "Am I or have I made the devil bigger than my God?" Be honest with yourself. It's okay to admit it. I did. Confess, repent and turn to God and start empowering His truth in your life.


It's been over five years since I first read "The Three Battlegrounds." I decided recently to go back and re-read it. It's like I'm reading it with new eyes and a new mind (a renewed mind.) Many points are speaking to me, but I'm especially drawn to a paragraph on page 31, under the section "Repentance Precedes Deliverance." I want to quote this section for you:


"If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you have already had many strongholds broken in your life. These were broken when you repented and came to Jesus. Deliverance is often just that simple when a soul is willing. Yet, without some measure of repentance, deliverance is almost always impossible, for although a spirit may be commanded to leave, if the structure of the individuals thoughts has not been changed, his wrong attitude toward sin will welcome that spirit back."

Now, at this point, this post could take several different paths, deliverance being one of them. We could explore the house being swept clean, but not replaced with truth taught in Luke 11:21-26. Or we could explore how repentance proceeds deliverance as taught in Mark 6:12. But I want to take it a somewhat different direction, although in the end it all comes back to the same point.

Can you think of a time, place, service, retreat, etc. where you really connected with God? Maybe it was a revival, a secluded weekend retreat or perhaps your salvation experience. The power of the Holy Spirit moved and worked through the speakers, the worship and the environment. You left the moment having received a deposit into your heart directly from the heart of the Father. The feeling was amazing and you felt invincible...there was nothing you couldn't accomplish with Jesus by your side.

Then...life intruded and interupted your utopia, the unexpected happened, tragedy struck, circumstances changed and your sense of security was brought into question and at the very root, your faith was challenged...or maybe none of the above took place but you slipped back into a life of mediocrity. You were left wanting the "high" of your divine mountain top moment back...and maybe you even sought it.

I see this some in the inner healing ministry. People coming in wanting an encounter with God, wanting their junk gone, wanting a quick fix and some even wanting to fix their spouse (we won't go there:)..."make my problems go away" or "fix this mess I've found myself in." Kind of a sense of drive-thru Jesus. They might find themselves going from program to program, ministry to ministry, church to church seeking a feeling or a quick solution to life's problems...only to complete the process and still walk away without lasting change.


As I read the above passage from the book I was drawn to this conclusion. Our freedom and deliverance is our choice, first and foremost. We can't expect to confess a little, cry a little and receive a touch from God than go back to doing the same sins, having the same ungodly thoughts or believing the same lies and expect to walk in freedom. Sure, grace is abundant and we can continue to sin/confess all we want, but if we do so we are choosing an inferior life. As a Christian there is more and let me tell you from experience, there is freedom and victory!


We can't have actions or thoughts that come into agreement with the kingdom of darkness and expect to walk in victory in that area. Let's face it our thoughts and/or actions either agree with the Kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness.


As I walk this journey I am asking God to reveal those thoughts not in agreement with His. He is gracious and does so gently. In the past I have been discouraged when He brings up something negative to address, but as I grow I look forward to those things rising to the surface so that I can enter into the pruning process and come out the other side looking a little more like Jesus. (see II Corinthians 3:16-18)


Friends, don't be discouraged, it is a process and a journey we will find ourselves on until we meet our Savior face to face...the Christianese word for it is sanctification. Being a Christian doesn't make us perfect. It doesn't mean life will be all roses. It certainly doesn't mean we will not sin.


To me being a Christian means I'm so in love with my Savior I want to imitate Him in everything I do and say. I want to walk freely in all Jesus' death and resurrection secured for me. I don't want to waste a moment of grace. I want to be all He made me to be. It means receiving grace, love and mercy and freely giving it away to others. I simply can not afford to have thoughts not in alignment with His...not so I can be perfect, but so I can live fully and freely. I've tried a life of keeping the "rules." It didn't work for me and it was absolutely exhausting.

Today I choose life, I choose to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and I choose Jesus...the freedom this brings makes my soul sing!

I'm Not Who I Was

This isn't a new post, but an article I wrote in December of 2008 for Growing in Grace Ministries website. I have several articles posted on GGM's website and you can read them by going here.

I've had recent conversations with friends who have known me for several years. One in particular met me at the lowest point of my life. She has watched me go from a bitter, empty woman to a Spirit filled, transformed, work of God. It was good talking with her about who I was and who I've become because I never want to take for granted who I am today and the grace of God to get me here. It was painful, cost me dearly and was not at all easy....BUT, it has been so worth every minute!

When women come to me wanting to know what I did to get "here" I share with them how I had to come before the Lord completely broken. For those looking for a quick fix, I'm sorry there is no such thing. Being healed and changed by Papa God takes time and it takes looking into your heart at things that are ugly. But if you allow Him to take you there I promise He does it so gently. You will never be the same once you've encountered the sweet love of Jesus. IT'S A LIFE LONG PROCESS and I'm still on the journey:) But once I started the process I realized I was to far into it to turn back to old ways...it simply was too costly to go back.

One thing I desperately need you to hear me say is this...I have not arrived, I am far from perfect, my transformation is on going. I only share my story in hopes of helping other women (or men) discover who they are in Christ. If my breakthrough can bring someone else into their breakthrough it is worth every minute of transparency to me. I believe it's my very purpose in life...or at the very least, my passion!

I'm Not Who I Was

originally published 12-08

Some recent events in my life have led me to ponder the concept of change. There is a song coming to mind by Christian artist Brandon Heath called "I'm Not Who I Was." If you get a chance you can listen to the song here.

Who was I ten years ago? I was a stay at home mom of a toddler and a newborn. I was a wife, daughter, a sister, a friend and a child of God who didn't know her identity in Christ. I was an occasional pew warmer. I was barely existing...and I didn't even realize it. Being created for a purpose never even crossed my mind. I was also wounded and you, my friend, at some point in your journey have experienced woundedness too...and what do wounded people do? They wound. I've been wounded, but I've also wounded...and so have you.

By this point you're thinking, "wait a minute! I come here for words of encouragement, not to be told I'm wounded and I wound!" I'm getting to that, just stay with me a little while.

It was recently revealed to me why a relationship in my past came to an abrupt end. I went several years without knowing what I had said or done to cause this friend to completely disconnect from me. When I found out what her reason was for ending the friendship I was devastated.

Without going into great detail, let's just say I was an extremely negative person. I didn't even know it, being negative was so much a part of my identity. Do you know anyone like that? They just aren't fun, are they? I loved, but my definition of love was so limited. I had religion, (which we've talked about before) but what I was missing was relationship. It's through relationship with Christ where we experience love, we in turn can give love. Simply put...you can't give what you don't possess.

In looking back we both wounded each other. I wounded her simply by reacting to life out of my pain. She, in turn, wounded me by rejecting and abadoning me. What's sad in this situation is she isn't open to reconciliation. I have tried, in the only way I can, to ask her forgiveness. Unless circumstances change she will never know this side of heaven I have changed. I'm not who I was.

Okay, so we've established we aren't the same. It doesn't matter if you go back 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, or 5 months chances are there have been changes and; hopefully, if you are living a surrendered life, they are changes for the better.

Consider II Corinthians 3:18, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." The King James uses the word changed instead of transformed. The text indicates it is a process of being transformed or changed, meaning it is ongoing.

There's a life lesson here...when isn't there?! In my state of pondering...hmmm...let's change that to processing, I was seeking the Lord. The wound had been reopened and it stung. I knew the Lord would bring about something good from this pain, if I would only give it to Him. Remember, it always requires action on our part. I cried out to Him (literally), "I don't want this, it's ugly and it hurts and your Son died on the cross for it. It's not mine! Take it!" He gently led me to repentance and forgiveness...again! His words to me were sweet comfort. He said, "Amy, Amy, Amy don't go back to that way of thinking. You've come too far to go back to old ways. I don't see you as a negative person. I've called you to be an encourager, to bring about restoration and healing to the broken hearted. I've made beauty from ashes and my gifts to you are irrevocable. I loved you far too much to leave you the way you were. Everything I've done for you is because I love you dearly."

I processed His words and more revelation came. You see when we are still and we listen, He speaks! Again He was gentle, not condemning. I imagine He had a smile on His face and a laugh in His voice when He asked me this, "How many people have you judged based on who they were 20, 10, or 5 years ago?" There's the ouch! You knew it was coming, didn't you?

I've recently started a Facebook. Those of you familiar with Facebook know it's a great networking tool. It enables you to connect with peers, friends, family and old classmates. As you build your network it will suggest friends you might know based on your current connections, school affiliations, etc. Within a few days high school classmates starting popping up on my "people you may know list." It's amazing at what you remember about people..."he was a drunk, she was popular, he was really nerdy, she was really quiet, he was fat, she was homely, he was a jock, and so on." What I had failed to consider was how people have changed...Papa God was merely pointing it out to me. Amy, you aren't the only one who has changed! DUH! I was looking at the list of names based on who they were eighteen (now twenty) years ago!

I'm not who I was! Can I get an AMEN? I bet most of us can humbly claim we aren't who we use to be. I am extremely grateful my Savior loves me so much He can't leave me where I was! I praise Him for training me to see people how He sees them. He sees beyond the pain, the bitterness, the wounds and negativity. He sees the person they can become! He sees the person His Son hung on the cross, bled, died and rose victoriously for! When we look at people through His eyes we are not only reminded of where we've been and how far we've come, but on their potential too! Maybe all they need to start their journey of transformation is a kind word from you.

I pray as you've read this the Holy Spirit has brought someone to your mind and reminded you they aren't who they were and neither are you!

END OF ORIGINAL ARTICLE

I share this post with you because it lays a foundation for future topics we will discuss on My Soul Sings. You can't fully understand who I am today, until you know where I've been. I'm not who I was and this certainly makes My Soul Sing!