It hit me Sunday morning while sitting at my daughter's swim meet. I am exhausted. Not just physically tired, but spiritually and emotionally spent to the point I was feeling it in my physical body. I wanted to weep, but how could I in front of all these people? Surely they would think I am crazy if they asked if I was okay and all I said was, "I'm just tired." After all, it's not uncommon to see swimmers break down into emotion because they didn't "perform" to their expectation...yes, a swim meet has it's potential for many adolescent hormonal displays of emotion:) But, that's not me and my onslaught of weepiness was not remotely tied to swimming.
In the midst of it all, I decided when I got home I was unplugging from life...or as Jack Bauer in the former Fox TV series, "24" would say, "I'm going dark." Yes, I went dark Sunday afternoon and evening and it was delightful! Turned my cell phone off, didn't check Facebook and after both of our girls were home for the day, we even unplugged our house phone. And, I rested.
As I awakened this morning I suspected I would feel completely revived and recharged, but that's not the case. Of course I immediately started to access the situation and my conclusion is this...boundaries...I broke Amy's unwritten rule of living life from a place of rest. I've lived my life the past few weeks with little to no room for time to recharge...leaving not only my body tired, but my mind and heart as well.
I have blogged before about ministering from a place of rest and this is crucial in preventing ministry burn out. I broke my own "rule." Well, I'm not real fond of having a lot of "rules" so maybe it's more of a boundary or guideline than it is a rule. After all, even though we live in the New Covenant under God's grace, His "rules" are there in order to protect us, not restrict us. I don't look at the "rules" of scripture as there to keep me from having fun, no, quite the opposite, they are there to keep me safe.
This summer has been insanely busy...mostly coming from having an active 15 year old in the house. Maybe this summer is God's way of preparing my heart to let her drive next year...something that if I ponder too long makes me slightly anxious at the thought:)
Hmmm, I really don't know. But, one thing I do know is this...our bodies were made to need rest, as much as they were made to need food and water. God even modeled resting to us on the 7th day of creation. So, in the midst of the crazy summer schedule I am going to re-evaluate my boundaries and carve out more time for rest.
This past Saturday night at our home church, Joy shared with us about stewardship. Stewardship is about more than just our finances. We will steward well what we have value for...if I'm not stewarding my body well, I'm not only not taking care of God's temple, I'm not honoring my family with the best of me. When I am weary in body, soul and spirit I am not going to be the best wife, mother or friend. Stewarding our bodies well is also an act of worship to God!
I believe I was created to share and be transparent, which is the purpose of this blog post. Somehow, just processing this on "paper" has relieved my soul of a burden...thanks for listening and I hope this will speak to many other "weary" ones.
Exchanging weariness and fatigue for His yoke makes MY SOUL SING! Now, where is my pillow and soft praise music?????
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