First, a little background

As I was taking a shower this morning I received divine inspiration for a blog post. Yes, in the shower, He actually talks to me quite a bit during showers or baths...maybe it's because I am a captive audience, not much multi-tasking can be done while bathing:) I also like to think it's symbolic of Him raining down on me, perhaps washing over me and cleansing me of my thoughts and replacing them with His...call it whatever you wish, I love these moments where it's just Him and me!

Before I write the new posts He gave me, I think it's appropriate to share the article below I wrote a couple of years ago. He reminded me in our "shower time" it all began when I realized the role of Holy Spirit was filled, and in this particular case, in my husband's life:)

The article you are about to read was first posted to www.iggm.org, it can be found under articles of interest. I have revised it somewhat to fit the blog, however, the content has remained the same...which I find ironic, because usually when I look back on something I wrote I see how I've grown and after more revelation I would write something differently...but, nope, not in this one!

I pray this post speaks to you.

Oh, and just to spark your interest in the upcoming posts, the title will be "Mediocre to Magnificent." It will most likely be a two part series and the subject is marriage...although it will not exclude those who are single, as these principles can be applied to other relationships!


Without further rambling, the article which chronicles where it all began for me...



Ungodly Belief: I am responsible for my husband’s spiritual growth.

What did I just say? Did I really just write that statement for all creation to read?

Let me clarify one thing right here at the beginning. If two years ago you had asked me if the above statement was true I would have looked at you like you were one noodle short of a full bowl of spaghetti! But, (isn’t there always a “but?”) I sure was acting like his spiritual maturity was my responsibility.

How? Surely none of you God fearing, Proverbs 31 women out there can relate! Oh please!

Have you ever questioned your husband’s prayer life or lack thereof? Have you ever tried to hook him up with an older, wiser, more spiritually mature man as an “accountability” partner? Have you ever tried to get him to worship the way you think he should worship? After you have encountered or experienced God in a new way do you expect him to jump on board with you as if he had the same experience (even though he did not?)

Was there ever a season of your life where you have been the spiritual head of the house and you have subtly hinted, begged or groveled for him to take up that yoke? Then maybe the time came, Praise God, where he took his proper role as spiritual head and then you questioned how he went about things? Perhaps, you gave him an outline of what you expected of him in that role?

Okay, before you start sending my husband condolences in the mail, please know I have not done all of the above...only a few of them! After all, the outline was in my head, I never actually typed it out and printed it! (Insert evil laugh here)

Have you ever prayed a prayer something like this? “Dear Heavenly Father, I bring before you today my husband, bless his wretched soul, forgive his sins and wash him clean. Please mold him into a better husband, a more dedicated father, make him see he needs to be the spiritual head of our house. Convict him Lord! Convict him of neglecting me and the children. Convict him of his lack of prayer and study of your Word. Convict him to get into a small group of men who will disciple him and hold him accountable. Send men into his life to be an example of what a Godly man looks like.” I think you get the idea...

While not all of this prayer is wrong, it isn’t exactly what the Lord has in mind. Yes, it’s probably exaggerated slightly, or is it? I’ve prayed similar “I want” prayers in regard to my husband. Basically, change him prayers. What about change me prayers? Ouch! There it is, another confession of mine. Yes, I was praying for the Lord to do all the things I thought He needed to do in my husband in order to be on track to a more spiritual family.

When the Holy Spirit revealed this to me I had to change my thinking and come into alignment with the Father’s will. You see I had been praying from my flesh. Praying from the flesh, or old nature as we often refer to it, is a topic all to itself. In short, praying from our flesh is useless. When we pray it should come from a direct download from Father God. Praying the Father’s will is the only effective way to pray. (And, I will add here, our spiritual growth is always in the Father's will.)

The Lord asked me, “who are you responsible for?” I knew the answer was me. It was then I started asking the Lord to reveal to me what needed changing in my heart. The prayer went something like this: “Dear Papa, Thank you for loving me so much that you can’t leave me the way I am. I want to share your heartbeat. Dig up and get out the dirt, sin and shame in my heart. Reveal to me your perfect plan for me. Bust open the lies I have believed and replace them with Your truth. Mold me into the wife, mother and daughter you designed me to be. Let Your light shine through me so words won’t be necessary. I want to hear Your voice more clearly. I want to fall in love with Your Word. Place an unquenchable desire in my heart for more of You and less of me. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.”

My daily prayer for my husband simply is this, “Bless him Lord and show him Your favor.” I do pray other ways for my husband, but no longer do I pray “change him” prayers, where I give the Lord a list of my wants. Because really the truth is this, the Lord loves my husband more than I can possibly imagine. He has plans to prosper him and give him hope for his future (Jer. 29:11). The reality is this, if your husband is a believer the role of Holy Spirit is filled (well, it's filled even if he is an unbeliever too.) There are no vacancies in that department...so GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Since I stopped praying change him prayers and I relinquished the role of Holy Spirit (I was failing miserably anyway) I have seen a dramatic change in my husband. He is in an accountability group. One he sought out, not one I picked for him. They meet once a week for Bible study, prayer and encouragement. He has taken on the role of spiritual head. I am expectantly waiting for more and I know my Papa is not going to disappoint me.

I have talked with ladies whose husbands have taken up the spiritual headship and they are left resentful. They wanted it to happen, but when it finally did, they didn’t know how to respond. They were so accustomed to the role and they felt stripped of something. If that is you, I would urge you to seek Godly counsel. These feelings are rooted in something deeper. Maybe you found your identity in filling this role God created your husband to fill. It’s time to replace that false identity with truth. God has a very special role for you to fill as a women and a wife. I encourage you to discover it and reach fulfillment like you never thought possible!

Original article ends here...

Check back soon and see how God can redeem your marriage and take it from mediocre to magnificent! Warning: IT WILL TAKE EFFORT ON YOUR PART AND DYING TO SELF...if you are looking for a quick fix, this is NOT it!