Yesterday was not a good day for me and it was Easter, so I hated all the more the yuckiness I felt in my heart. I like peace and peace was far from me. Knowing I wasn't going to magically be delivered from my pit of despair without divine intervention (and me purposing to ask Him for help) I sent a close friend a message briefly outlining my woes and asking for prayer.
My short take on Galatians 6:2 is we sometimes need a brother or sister in Christ to bear our burdens when we can't seem to carry them to Jesus on our own. We aren't meant to carry them, but give them to Him in exchange for His easy yoke...but there have been times in my life I haven't had the strength to even bring them to His feet...I have experienced someone taking (bearing) it on my behalf; truly a beautiful experience.
Back to my request for prayer...this was a friend who knows me and knows me well. She has earned the right to speak into my life and I hers. We have trust. We have relationship. She responded, as I would expect from her, with a short message of "got it."
This morning she sent me some advice about the situation. Good advice. I agreed with it, actually the same advice I had given to others in the past. I tried to ignore the fact it was bothering me, but it wasn't going away. After a blissful morning seeking the Lord, I heard Him.
"It bothers you because it feels like she is trying to fix you. You don't need fixing, you need intercession, love and support." There it was...He was right on...Holy Spirit is BRILLIANT, you know;) I made a mental note to be more clear when requesting prayer in the future to state what I need, even prefacing my request with a 'I'm not looking for advice here, I just need your prayers and love.'
Of course the revelation didn't end here! There's always the look in the mirror He seems to ask me to make. In His sweet Daddy God voice, "Amy, you've been the fixer when others needed you to just listen and pray too." Of course I have! OUCH!!!!
Many readers don't know me personally, but many of you do...so, consider this a public apology if I have ever made you feel like I was trying to fix you. It's in my DNA to want to help people. After all it's why I life coach. I have even received a prophetic word that I am a problem solver. Because of this call and strong desire to help others, I have to be diligent not to step over the line from friend/confidant to fixer:) Sometimes people come to me for advice, but many times they just want someone to listen and love them where they are; a safe place, free from judgment and criticism.
As I was pondering this revelation and application to my life personally, I kept hearing the Cold Play song Fix You over and over in my head. I finally pulled it up on YouTube and listened to it several times. I've always liked the song. I know a little of the background of why it was written. Basically, it's about a person who wants to save someone they love from pain. The lyric 'I will try to fix you' reverberated in my spirit all morning.
How many people have I tried to fix? Out of love? Sometimes. Out of a need to control? Possibly. Because I once believed it was my job? Maybe.
He wanted me to share this in a blog. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps someone is reading this and you feel stuck trying to fix someone in your life and you are frustrated because it's not working...friend, it's not suppose to work. It's not my job, or your job, to fix anyone. Our responsibility is us. Work on you and give others the best you, you've got. Work on loving, not fixing, and remember, love listens...are you listening?
My soul is singing as I type this because now I am more free to love and listen. While I'm listening I'm going to purpose to ask others what they need and in turn communicate my needs more plainly. When people come to me with issues, I will ask them, "what do you need?" I've even asked my teen, "are you wanting advice, or for me to just listen?" Sometimes she wants advice, but many times she just wants me to listen. I can do that:)
When others come to me in times of distress I want them to encounter Jesus... because He is the only ONE capable of fixing anybody!
I am smiling as I realize my mountain that seemed larger than life yesterday doesn't seem so big now, I just needed heavenly perspective on it...which came in my quiet time this morning...and, in the process, He gave me an upgrade and revelation on a topic I wasn't even aware I needed an upgrade in...ha! Papa God, you have an amazing sense of humor...oh, how I love YOU!
I've always been a "fixer". God has gone out of his way, these last several months, to teach me that my "savior complex" HAD to be changed to a "gently LEAD them to THE Savior Complex". I've always been SO BAD about wanting to "help" people that I tend to go so far in my "fixing" that I end up offering parts of ME that I am unable to stand (& that only tend to hurt them worse, in the long run). It's quite sobering to finally realize that all of the good intentions in the world will NEVER do what an ounce of Our Savior can!!! I'm apparently a slow learner, as that issue tends to run more deep than we can ever begin to realize... it's a good thing that our God is SO SUPER patient! He's still working on me! I even just posted a quote that He allowed to cross my path yesterday (on FB)on it! The fact that I found this today tells me that I should prob be paying CLOSE attn! Thanks for sharing! =)
ReplyDelete-Melanie Royse-