I am starting to wonder if the name of this blog should have been "Confession Central." Seems like I do quite a bit of soul sharing and confessing on here and this post is no different.
I lost my focus. Never fear, I found it, if I hadn't I wouldn't be writing this post.
Some of you may or may not know what your focus is. I have blogged before about my priorities. To sum them up again they go in this order, God, my husband, my children, friends and ministry.
Focus and priorities for me are related, but not necessarily one in the same. For the last few years my focus has been on God and my relationship with the Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. When I am in right relationship with the Godhead my priorities and other relationships come into order as well.
When I say I lost my focus I mean I took my eyes off God. You may be asking what exactly does that look like? For me to be focused on God is to constantly view things through Kingdom lenses. The circumstances in the natural often look bleak, discouraging and hopeless. When we focus on what we see in the natural we empower lies to work, as we lose sight of God's truth. It is my desire to filter circumstances in my life and the lives of those I love through the eyes of God.
This can mean I seek a precedent from scripture or it can be as simple as asking Him how He views a situation. Viewing life through Kingdom lenses has empowered me to walk in victory, satisfaction and peace; as well as, providing Kingdom solutions to the trials and problems I face in day to day life.
As a friend told me today I have an addictive personality...thanks sister, I felt so edified by this comment:) Just kidding...she is right. I've never had a substance addiction, but when I am passionate about something it usually turns into an obsession/addiction...it becomes what I live and breath for.
Now, before you go and assume this is a negative trait of mine I invite you to look at how this can be a good attribute. Followers of this blog should know by now I am constantly looking for the redemptive value in EVERYTHING!
As I have grown in my relationship with God I have become absolutely obsessed with Him. This has effected me in a wonderful way as I am now living in great freedom. I am obsessed with worship, prayer, study and ministry. My passion and love for Jesus drives me to share my relationship with others, hopefully imparting a little piece of the Kingdom to those who are seeking it...and hopefully without spiritually throwing up on them uninvited...if I have crossed this boundary with anybody reading this please accept my apologies...I just get excited sometimes:) Most of the time my God obsession is a good obsession!
But, when I lose my focus I can easily fall into a snare of the enemy, becoming obsessed with other things that aren't healthy for me or my family. Before we go any further in this post I want you to hear me say this is my story, and it may be quite different from yours.
I want to confess and explain what it looks like when I lose my focus...not that I'm proud of it, I am not.
When I take my eyes off God I always get incredibly grumpy, highly agitated and easily frustrated. The peace I am accustomed to walking in goes right out the window.
Isaiah 26:3 from the Message, "People with their minds set on You, You keep completely whole, steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don't quit."
When I lose my focus and my eyes aren't on Him my life turns into a whirlwind and chaos reigns in my home. When I am on a focus sabbatical (tee-hee) I don't spend much time with God, my prayer life is brief and self-centered, and I hardly open the Word. What happens when you don't water a plant? It withers. Visual learners that was for you:) What happens when you go a long time without talking with a friend? You lose contact.
Fast forward to this morning. I knew I had lost my focus. I also realized I had some pretty intense repentance I needed to do. In my circles we call this "doing kingdom business." Nailed down and simply put I had placed other obsessions over my relationship with God and that, my friends, is idolatry.
As I sat on my bed with my Bible and journal in front of me I closed my eyes and tried to connect with the Father...nothing...silence...hello God, are you there? Now I know good and well He is there, He never leaves...dang it, I knew it was serious business when I had to start confessing and repenting before I even felt Him close. You people know how much I love His presence, to not be able to immediately connect with Him for me is pure torture.
He has already revealed to me the redemptive side of me temporarily experiencing the break in connection...because, He is, after all, ridiculously redemptive and doesn't waste the opportunity to use anything to teach us and grow us up in the faith.
Stay tuned for a blog post soon about restoring your heart to heart connection with Father God. Until next time I hope your soul sings because the Father passionately loves you and longs for an intimate relationship with you!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I'm still here
Just wanted to pop in and say hi to all my blog peeps. This is the longest I have gone without posting. Life just happens and sometimes blogging has to take a back seat. God is speaking to me about several topics, which I hope to have time to blog about soon.
Love you all! Blessings abundant on each of you!
Love you all! Blessings abundant on each of you!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
No More Counterfeits!
What does the title of this post make you think of? Counterfeit money? Counterfeit art? Counterfeit people? Counterfeit designer handbags sold in flea markets?
I use to work in the security area of the banking business. The most intriguing part of my job was working with federal law enforcement agencies. Counterfeit money is under the jurisdiction of the Secret Service.
When one of our tellers would accept a counterfeit bill it was my job to fill out the paperwork and send it in to the Secret Service. The Secret Service would also send me notices of counterfeit bills circulating in the area, with lists of phony serial numbers, etc. So, when I hear the word counterfeit, money use to be the first thing to pop into my mind. Now, however, when I hear the word my mind first goes to thinking of the ultimate counterfeiter, Satan.
Satan counterfeits everything...I mean EVERYTHING! Sadly, many of his counterfeits are a really good looking version of something legit. Just as many of the $50 and $100 dollar bills I processed were really good "fakes" of the real thing...so good many of them would pass the counterfeit pen test.
What would be some examples of Satan's counterfeits? The list is lengthy. Relationships, spiritual gifts, pleasures and comforts are a few coming to my mind.
My revelation on this subject came when I realized the depth of God as Creator.
El-Elohim is the name of God which means Creator. On an elementary level when we think of Creator God we think of Genesis 1:1 where God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1 goes on to tell of God's creation of plants, water, animals and man.
When we view His creation as being limited to the universe and everything in it we can actually miss the vastness of His creativity! The purpose of this post is to invite you to search a little deeper into the depths of His creativity.
God is always good. What He creates is always good. Genesis 1:31 states, "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good."
Which brings me to my next question...what have we been missing by confusing God given gifts with counterfeits of the enemy? I can only speak from my personal experience, so I will share with you a little of what I was missing.
Now would be a good time to tell you I believe in ALL the gifts of the Spirit. I believe they are for the here and now. They are available to every believer to work in accordance with God's purpose to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to earth, to destroy the works of darkness and bring glory to the King.
I haven't always believed in the gifts and I'm not here today to convince you into believing in them. I am just sharing my journey and would be remiss if I left out this part of it.
You may be wondering how spiritual gifts tie into a post on counterfeits. Remember, the enemy is NOT creative. He is using the same lies, the same cons, the same snares he has used for generations. Bottom line is they still work, he doesn't need to change his mode of operation!
Once the Light has exposed an area of deception in our life we sometimes can't believe how gullible we were. I can think of countless times I would actually be annoyed with myself for falling for such blatant lies. How could I be so stupid? But that's the thing about deception...the deceived have no clue they are being hoodwinked.
When I first realized I had been shunning part of my inheritance by not validating my God given gifts I was angry. Angry at former teachings in which I now believe were not accurate. I had to process these feelings with the Lord and then seek what He was wanting to reveal to me. My revelation went something like this as I spoke to God aloud all that was on my heart:
Wow, God, you are the Creator! Satan doesn't have the ability to create anything new or good. He only distorts and perverts something You created. The New Age movement, witchcraft, etc. is a perversion of what You designed every believer to walk in...supernatural power. Supernatural power to expose the kingdom of darkness, drawing others to a life with You, to walk in victory and take dominion over the earth! As believers we are missing out on all the fun, believing You are a cosmic kill joy with a list of do nots. For years I served a God I didn't even really know. Sure, my head was full of knowledge from Your Word, but I wasn't walking in the power of any of it. Your Truth wasn't permeating every fiber of my being. I didn't believe in the Amy you said I was...there were too many lies in the way of me receiving all You had for me. I didn't believe Your Word in John 14:12 when Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." Or in I Corinthians 4:20, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." You have given Your power to every believer to advance Your kingdom! Show me Lord, show me what I've missed because all I saw was the counterfeit and it made Your gift look evil! Forgive me Lord for my unbelief! I want all You have for me. I want it all so I can glorify You, praise You, worship You, serve You, know You, draw others into a fuller relationship with You.
He simply said to me, "it is My desire to give you the Kingdom!"
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I've come to understand this verse more in the last year or two. I think it is possible to so know the heart of God that His heart becomes your heart...when your heart becomes so entwined with the heart of God, what you want is what He wants and He will give it to YOU! That just blows me AWAY!
So, in what areas have you accepted the counterfeits? What are you denying yourself because you don't think it is of God? Ask God these questions...He is waiting to reveal the mysteries of Himself to you!
You may be wondering what some examples would look like. God desires us to be full of His Spirit and never ending JOY! The enemy counterfeits this with drugs, alcohol, food and various other addictions. We go to these substances because we desire a feeling of euphoria, escape and comfort.
I'm going to share with you how I used alcohol, in the past, to escape. I don't believe it is wrong to enjoy an alcoholic drink. I know there are people with dependencies on alcohol and they have to practice total abstinence. I also believe scripture is clear when it says "do not be drunk on wine, but be filled with the Spirit."
Before you make any conclusions about me and alcohol I want to assure you I have never had a drinking problem. But there was a time in my life I used alcohol to make me more comfortable in social situations. I wasn't happy with who I was and didn't feel I belonged anywhere. I would drink a couple of drinks in order to loosen up and become the life of the party. I was a "fun" drinker. It made me silly and giddy...which I now realize is part of my God given personality, no wonder I desired to be that way and accepted the counterfeit in order to "get there."
When I started seriously walking with the Lord I was convicted of this behavior and gave it up without argument. There have been times I have enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner, but overall I have felt the Lord has asked me to abstain from the use of alcohol. This is a personal conviction and not one I impose on A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y else:)
I shared this to set up the rest of the story. I now am fully aware of what it means to be "filled with the Spirit." Quite frankly it surpasses any "high" I ever had from wine! It's the same feeling of freedom I would get after a couple of drinks, but without a headache the next morning!
When I'm "drunk in the Spirit" I'm absolutely rocked with JOY. I will laugh myself to tears...and it's always more fun with a group:) During times of intercession with my fellow prayer team members and friends we have entered into His presence and have been overcome with laughter and unexplainable peace. I LOVE it! There really is no substitute for the Real Deal!
As I sit back and observe the trend of our youth, I see a generation who knows deep in their spirits there has to be something more. They aren't content with their parents' religion...and, quite frankly, they shouldn't be. Sadly, many of them are turning away from God in search of something else, something that gives them power, something seemingly more exciting than the God of their parents.
They are in search of deep meaningful relationship with something or someone who fulfills the God given desire in them to excel and rise above the status quo...and, many times, they accept the enemy's counterfeits.
Kris Vallotton explains what is happening in this excerpt from "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty; Discovering your rights and privileges of being a son or daughter of God."
"I am convinced that many people who are caught up in witchcraft are the "unpaid bills" of the church. A lot of these folks have experienced spiritual realities and come to our churches to find an explanation for this dimension of life, but only find a powerless religion. It is sad but true that most people wouldn't know whether God showed up in church or not, because so little of modern Christianity requires Heaven's intervention. Jesus never expected people to believe in a gospel absent of power. Therefore Jesus said, "If I don't do the works of My Father, do not believe in Me." (John 10:37.) The people who can't find power in church visit a seance or a cult meeting and find the enemy's counterfeit power. Although it's the dark side, it is real, and they turn to it. If they cannot find supernatural power in the church, they will sadly go to where they can. Proverbs 27:7 says, "To a famished man any bitter thing is sweet." (end quote)
This post has probably posed more questions than it has given answers...and that's okay. I encourage you, as I always do, to search out the answers with God yourself. I love Jeremiah 33:3, "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
He is waiting to reveal His mysteries to you and to me. I'm ready! Let's go on the journey of a lifetime. Indescribable JOY, Holy laughter and personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe makes my soul unapologetically SING, SING, SING...and, that, my friends, can not be counterfeited!
I use to work in the security area of the banking business. The most intriguing part of my job was working with federal law enforcement agencies. Counterfeit money is under the jurisdiction of the Secret Service.
When one of our tellers would accept a counterfeit bill it was my job to fill out the paperwork and send it in to the Secret Service. The Secret Service would also send me notices of counterfeit bills circulating in the area, with lists of phony serial numbers, etc. So, when I hear the word counterfeit, money use to be the first thing to pop into my mind. Now, however, when I hear the word my mind first goes to thinking of the ultimate counterfeiter, Satan.
Satan counterfeits everything...I mean EVERYTHING! Sadly, many of his counterfeits are a really good looking version of something legit. Just as many of the $50 and $100 dollar bills I processed were really good "fakes" of the real thing...so good many of them would pass the counterfeit pen test.
What would be some examples of Satan's counterfeits? The list is lengthy. Relationships, spiritual gifts, pleasures and comforts are a few coming to my mind.
My revelation on this subject came when I realized the depth of God as Creator.
El-Elohim is the name of God which means Creator. On an elementary level when we think of Creator God we think of Genesis 1:1 where God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1 goes on to tell of God's creation of plants, water, animals and man.
When we view His creation as being limited to the universe and everything in it we can actually miss the vastness of His creativity! The purpose of this post is to invite you to search a little deeper into the depths of His creativity.
God is always good. What He creates is always good. Genesis 1:31 states, "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good."
Which brings me to my next question...what have we been missing by confusing God given gifts with counterfeits of the enemy? I can only speak from my personal experience, so I will share with you a little of what I was missing.
Now would be a good time to tell you I believe in ALL the gifts of the Spirit. I believe they are for the here and now. They are available to every believer to work in accordance with God's purpose to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to earth, to destroy the works of darkness and bring glory to the King.
I haven't always believed in the gifts and I'm not here today to convince you into believing in them. I am just sharing my journey and would be remiss if I left out this part of it.
You may be wondering how spiritual gifts tie into a post on counterfeits. Remember, the enemy is NOT creative. He is using the same lies, the same cons, the same snares he has used for generations. Bottom line is they still work, he doesn't need to change his mode of operation!
Once the Light has exposed an area of deception in our life we sometimes can't believe how gullible we were. I can think of countless times I would actually be annoyed with myself for falling for such blatant lies. How could I be so stupid? But that's the thing about deception...the deceived have no clue they are being hoodwinked.
When I first realized I had been shunning part of my inheritance by not validating my God given gifts I was angry. Angry at former teachings in which I now believe were not accurate. I had to process these feelings with the Lord and then seek what He was wanting to reveal to me. My revelation went something like this as I spoke to God aloud all that was on my heart:
Wow, God, you are the Creator! Satan doesn't have the ability to create anything new or good. He only distorts and perverts something You created. The New Age movement, witchcraft, etc. is a perversion of what You designed every believer to walk in...supernatural power. Supernatural power to expose the kingdom of darkness, drawing others to a life with You, to walk in victory and take dominion over the earth! As believers we are missing out on all the fun, believing You are a cosmic kill joy with a list of do nots. For years I served a God I didn't even really know. Sure, my head was full of knowledge from Your Word, but I wasn't walking in the power of any of it. Your Truth wasn't permeating every fiber of my being. I didn't believe in the Amy you said I was...there were too many lies in the way of me receiving all You had for me. I didn't believe Your Word in John 14:12 when Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." Or in I Corinthians 4:20, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." You have given Your power to every believer to advance Your kingdom! Show me Lord, show me what I've missed because all I saw was the counterfeit and it made Your gift look evil! Forgive me Lord for my unbelief! I want all You have for me. I want it all so I can glorify You, praise You, worship You, serve You, know You, draw others into a fuller relationship with You.
He simply said to me, "it is My desire to give you the Kingdom!"
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I've come to understand this verse more in the last year or two. I think it is possible to so know the heart of God that His heart becomes your heart...when your heart becomes so entwined with the heart of God, what you want is what He wants and He will give it to YOU! That just blows me AWAY!
So, in what areas have you accepted the counterfeits? What are you denying yourself because you don't think it is of God? Ask God these questions...He is waiting to reveal the mysteries of Himself to you!
You may be wondering what some examples would look like. God desires us to be full of His Spirit and never ending JOY! The enemy counterfeits this with drugs, alcohol, food and various other addictions. We go to these substances because we desire a feeling of euphoria, escape and comfort.
I'm going to share with you how I used alcohol, in the past, to escape. I don't believe it is wrong to enjoy an alcoholic drink. I know there are people with dependencies on alcohol and they have to practice total abstinence. I also believe scripture is clear when it says "do not be drunk on wine, but be filled with the Spirit."
Before you make any conclusions about me and alcohol I want to assure you I have never had a drinking problem. But there was a time in my life I used alcohol to make me more comfortable in social situations. I wasn't happy with who I was and didn't feel I belonged anywhere. I would drink a couple of drinks in order to loosen up and become the life of the party. I was a "fun" drinker. It made me silly and giddy...which I now realize is part of my God given personality, no wonder I desired to be that way and accepted the counterfeit in order to "get there."
When I started seriously walking with the Lord I was convicted of this behavior and gave it up without argument. There have been times I have enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner, but overall I have felt the Lord has asked me to abstain from the use of alcohol. This is a personal conviction and not one I impose on A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y else:)
I shared this to set up the rest of the story. I now am fully aware of what it means to be "filled with the Spirit." Quite frankly it surpasses any "high" I ever had from wine! It's the same feeling of freedom I would get after a couple of drinks, but without a headache the next morning!
When I'm "drunk in the Spirit" I'm absolutely rocked with JOY. I will laugh myself to tears...and it's always more fun with a group:) During times of intercession with my fellow prayer team members and friends we have entered into His presence and have been overcome with laughter and unexplainable peace. I LOVE it! There really is no substitute for the Real Deal!
As I sit back and observe the trend of our youth, I see a generation who knows deep in their spirits there has to be something more. They aren't content with their parents' religion...and, quite frankly, they shouldn't be. Sadly, many of them are turning away from God in search of something else, something that gives them power, something seemingly more exciting than the God of their parents.
They are in search of deep meaningful relationship with something or someone who fulfills the God given desire in them to excel and rise above the status quo...and, many times, they accept the enemy's counterfeits.
Kris Vallotton explains what is happening in this excerpt from "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty; Discovering your rights and privileges of being a son or daughter of God."
"I am convinced that many people who are caught up in witchcraft are the "unpaid bills" of the church. A lot of these folks have experienced spiritual realities and come to our churches to find an explanation for this dimension of life, but only find a powerless religion. It is sad but true that most people wouldn't know whether God showed up in church or not, because so little of modern Christianity requires Heaven's intervention. Jesus never expected people to believe in a gospel absent of power. Therefore Jesus said, "If I don't do the works of My Father, do not believe in Me." (John 10:37.) The people who can't find power in church visit a seance or a cult meeting and find the enemy's counterfeit power. Although it's the dark side, it is real, and they turn to it. If they cannot find supernatural power in the church, they will sadly go to where they can. Proverbs 27:7 says, "To a famished man any bitter thing is sweet." (end quote)
This post has probably posed more questions than it has given answers...and that's okay. I encourage you, as I always do, to search out the answers with God yourself. I love Jeremiah 33:3, "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
He is waiting to reveal His mysteries to you and to me. I'm ready! Let's go on the journey of a lifetime. Indescribable JOY, Holy laughter and personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe makes my soul unapologetically SING, SING, SING...and, that, my friends, can not be counterfeited!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Moody Mama's Encore Appearance
It definitely was NOT an Oscar award winning appearance...but, yes, sadly, Moody Mama came back. If you are wondering who the heck Moody Mama is I begrudgingly invite you to go read this post. But I must warn you, it's not my brightest moment.
Good Friday, and no the irony of it being "Good" Friday is not lost on me...keep reading and you will see why. Good Friday and we were preparing to go out of town for Easter weekend. It is spring break week. We planned a weekend getaway to Atlanta where going to the Georgia Aquarium, Six Flags and shopping were on the agenda.
Allow me to setup the scene for you, so you can get the full picture. Last week was incredibly busy, on all fronts. I was out of the home 3 nights out of 4, something I try not to do most of the time. My days were filled with appointments of all kinds, ministry, hair cut, doctor and meetings. I am not at all complaining, just giving you a glimpse into what for me was a packed week. Being a "stay at home" mom has spoiled me with a good amount of leisure time and plenty of time to do laundry and various other errands during the day. When my time is otherwise scheduled those things get left undone temporarily.
Now would be a good time for a huge shout out for those of you who work full-time and manage a household including all of the above activities day in and day out. You gals are the bomb, seriously, my hat goes off to you! Extra kudos to those who do it all as a single mom...really, hats off!
But, for me, this kind of week is not the norm. By Thursday I was a mad woman catching up on laundry and getting out summer clothes due to the dramatic change in temperatures here in southeast Tennessee...which included some trying on to determine what fit the girls (and honestly what fit me, ugh), so we knew what to pack for our trip.
I encouraged the girls to pack their bags Thursday evening, but was met with, "we'll do it in the morning." The dear hubster, who is an extreme early worm, wanted to leave at say 8:00 a.m., 9:00 at the latest...yeah, right, I thought to myself...or maybe I didn't keep that thought in my head, yes, looking back, I'm pretty sure I didn't...hmmm, should have recognized then Moody Mama was on the verge of a comeback:)
Morning came, and have I mentioned before morning isn't my finest time of the day...well I should, because that is a very important tidbit of information to know. Yes, morning came, I wasn't finished packing and the girls hadn't even begun to pack. With children the ages of mine one grows used to peaceful showers and potty time alone without interruption...it's not like I have little bitty ones hanging on me while I do my business, etc. Those of you in that stage, I promise, it gets better.
So, imagine my frustration when they both alternately came into the bathroom while I was trying to shower and, you know, other stuff...they made several trips into my sanctum, with various questions, such as, "mom, I don't know what to pack. Mom, does this outfit match? Mom, what is the weather going to be like? What shoes look best with my Easter dress? Mom, are you packing your flat iron and can I use it?"
My response was less than cordial as I replied to them with irritation oozing from my pores...after all, didn't I ask them to do this the night before? If only my response ended there...it did not.
The hubster, being exceptionally intelligent, decided to go put gas in the vehicle and get cash from the ATM while this drama was unfolding at home. He really should have stayed away longer, but I suppose he ran out of things to do...because he came back and I made sure he was aware of the situation. If you are imagining a scene of intense fellowship here, you are very perceptive. The intensity was on my part because he, like the intelligent man he is, remained quiet, listening to me rant.
As if I haven't exposed myself enough here, it gets worse...now, if any men have made it this far I commend you, for this post has hormones written all over it, and it's about to get even more hormonal because I'm going to talk about stuff like bad hair and fat days...consider yourself warned:)
I was sitting on my makeup stool in front of the mirror when the hubster came in and asked me this question, "when are you going to be ready to go?" I responded, "look at me! I look awful! I can't fix my hair right (new layers from my haircut) and my summer clothes are too tight, not to mention the fact I am alabaster white, how can I wear capri's looking like this?!" I was holding an eyeshadow and eyeshadow brush, which I proceeded to throw with great vengeance, because really, this is the best way to express to him I am angry...whatever!
The eyeshadow goes flying out our bedroom door and into the living room where it bounces off the glass top on the coffee table, making a sharp ping sound as it hits. In my head I'm wondering if it nicked the glass and I'm also wondering if the eyeshadow is crumbled into a gazillion pieces, because it is quite costly warpaint in which I really don't want to see ruined. But, no, I will not show my concern for the table or eyeshadow, because that would signify remorse to the hubster, which I'm not ready to show...yet.
The hubster, still in his intelligence, goes and recovers the brush and eyeshadow and returns them to me. I continue to rant and now both girls are in serious get ready mode because they are scared into submission at this point (which goes against all the new parenting principles I have put into practice through my quest to Love on Purpose. See the parenting posts for more explanation on that.)
Surprisingly enough, my hair turns out to be lovely and the outfit I selected minimized my pallor. But I was still not ready to retreat and repent. We load into the car. I glance (maybe glare) over at the hubster and ask through seething teeth, "aren't you going to pray over us and the vehicle before we go?" To which he responded, "I already came out here and did while you were getting ready." Yep, I bet he did, I bet he added in a few prayers for me as well. And so begins our lovely family weekend...and have I mentioned it's Good Friday?
We are driving along and, amazingly enough, I hear God speak to me. Sometimes in these situations He is quiet until I confess and repent, but this time, in His graciousness He didn't let me stew for long...after all, He desired for our family time to be filled with love and joy and He knew I would set the tone...my attitude had a great deal to do with rather or not we would have an enjoyable trip.
So, here I am riding along, having dialogue in my head with God. He lovingly points out the obvious, I need to confess to Him, then confess to my family and ask their forgiveness. He is patient with me and I confess quietly to Him, but I am still not ready to eat a big piece of humble pie with the fam. He goes on to say He wants me to blog about this episode. Oh great, sure God, really...I mean REALLY? Do I really have to blog about every trip I make to the woodshed with You? To this question He gently reminded me of a trip to the woodshed just two weeks ago that He didn't require of me to make public...YET.
I believe He asks me to be real with you guys because He moves through it. I could make My Soul Sings all about the good Christian stuff. My posts could paint a picture of me living a submitted life to Christ. They could make it sound like I have it all together or they can be real and transparent. I choose real and transparent because it is the desire of my heart to relate to others not only am I victorious saint, I am a saint who also struggles.
As I have said before, through my honesty I hope you are encouraged to live a life of victory. Many have shared with me they think it's too hard and they don't know where to start. I know it can be hard to jumpstart, but you can do it!
We can either wallow in the darkness or we can constantly look to Jesus whose blood washes away all our sin. It is a finished work. We can either take the gift or we can stay in the pit. I choose to take the gift. Yes, it requires of me repentance, it requires of me to address the negative issues as they rise to the surface...but the relationship I have with Him is worth every second of the woodshed. Might I add the woodshed I refer to isn't a place of condemnation or punishment, but of discipline which trains and teaches...He is always gentle!
Moody Mama has once again been retired. My next inner healing focus will be to dig up what triggers me about family trips...Moody Mama has made appearances before around vacations. From my experience in inner healing this is a sign of a deeper issue. What is suppose to be a relaxing, family time can turn into something ugly real quick. Papa God is ready to meet me in that place of pain...I'll let you know someday the results of this meeting:)
Living free of condemnation and guilt of Moody Mama makes My Soul Sing!
Good Friday, and no the irony of it being "Good" Friday is not lost on me...keep reading and you will see why. Good Friday and we were preparing to go out of town for Easter weekend. It is spring break week. We planned a weekend getaway to Atlanta where going to the Georgia Aquarium, Six Flags and shopping were on the agenda.
Allow me to setup the scene for you, so you can get the full picture. Last week was incredibly busy, on all fronts. I was out of the home 3 nights out of 4, something I try not to do most of the time. My days were filled with appointments of all kinds, ministry, hair cut, doctor and meetings. I am not at all complaining, just giving you a glimpse into what for me was a packed week. Being a "stay at home" mom has spoiled me with a good amount of leisure time and plenty of time to do laundry and various other errands during the day. When my time is otherwise scheduled those things get left undone temporarily.
Now would be a good time for a huge shout out for those of you who work full-time and manage a household including all of the above activities day in and day out. You gals are the bomb, seriously, my hat goes off to you! Extra kudos to those who do it all as a single mom...really, hats off!
But, for me, this kind of week is not the norm. By Thursday I was a mad woman catching up on laundry and getting out summer clothes due to the dramatic change in temperatures here in southeast Tennessee...which included some trying on to determine what fit the girls (and honestly what fit me, ugh), so we knew what to pack for our trip.
I encouraged the girls to pack their bags Thursday evening, but was met with, "we'll do it in the morning." The dear hubster, who is an extreme early worm, wanted to leave at say 8:00 a.m., 9:00 at the latest...yeah, right, I thought to myself...or maybe I didn't keep that thought in my head, yes, looking back, I'm pretty sure I didn't...hmmm, should have recognized then Moody Mama was on the verge of a comeback:)
Morning came, and have I mentioned before morning isn't my finest time of the day...well I should, because that is a very important tidbit of information to know. Yes, morning came, I wasn't finished packing and the girls hadn't even begun to pack. With children the ages of mine one grows used to peaceful showers and potty time alone without interruption...it's not like I have little bitty ones hanging on me while I do my business, etc. Those of you in that stage, I promise, it gets better.
So, imagine my frustration when they both alternately came into the bathroom while I was trying to shower and, you know, other stuff...they made several trips into my sanctum, with various questions, such as, "mom, I don't know what to pack. Mom, does this outfit match? Mom, what is the weather going to be like? What shoes look best with my Easter dress? Mom, are you packing your flat iron and can I use it?"
My response was less than cordial as I replied to them with irritation oozing from my pores...after all, didn't I ask them to do this the night before? If only my response ended there...it did not.
The hubster, being exceptionally intelligent, decided to go put gas in the vehicle and get cash from the ATM while this drama was unfolding at home. He really should have stayed away longer, but I suppose he ran out of things to do...because he came back and I made sure he was aware of the situation. If you are imagining a scene of intense fellowship here, you are very perceptive. The intensity was on my part because he, like the intelligent man he is, remained quiet, listening to me rant.
As if I haven't exposed myself enough here, it gets worse...now, if any men have made it this far I commend you, for this post has hormones written all over it, and it's about to get even more hormonal because I'm going to talk about stuff like bad hair and fat days...consider yourself warned:)
I was sitting on my makeup stool in front of the mirror when the hubster came in and asked me this question, "when are you going to be ready to go?" I responded, "look at me! I look awful! I can't fix my hair right (new layers from my haircut) and my summer clothes are too tight, not to mention the fact I am alabaster white, how can I wear capri's looking like this?!" I was holding an eyeshadow and eyeshadow brush, which I proceeded to throw with great vengeance, because really, this is the best way to express to him I am angry...whatever!
The eyeshadow goes flying out our bedroom door and into the living room where it bounces off the glass top on the coffee table, making a sharp ping sound as it hits. In my head I'm wondering if it nicked the glass and I'm also wondering if the eyeshadow is crumbled into a gazillion pieces, because it is quite costly warpaint in which I really don't want to see ruined. But, no, I will not show my concern for the table or eyeshadow, because that would signify remorse to the hubster, which I'm not ready to show...yet.
The hubster, still in his intelligence, goes and recovers the brush and eyeshadow and returns them to me. I continue to rant and now both girls are in serious get ready mode because they are scared into submission at this point (which goes against all the new parenting principles I have put into practice through my quest to Love on Purpose. See the parenting posts for more explanation on that.)
Surprisingly enough, my hair turns out to be lovely and the outfit I selected minimized my pallor. But I was still not ready to retreat and repent. We load into the car. I glance (maybe glare) over at the hubster and ask through seething teeth, "aren't you going to pray over us and the vehicle before we go?" To which he responded, "I already came out here and did while you were getting ready." Yep, I bet he did, I bet he added in a few prayers for me as well. And so begins our lovely family weekend...and have I mentioned it's Good Friday?
We are driving along and, amazingly enough, I hear God speak to me. Sometimes in these situations He is quiet until I confess and repent, but this time, in His graciousness He didn't let me stew for long...after all, He desired for our family time to be filled with love and joy and He knew I would set the tone...my attitude had a great deal to do with rather or not we would have an enjoyable trip.
So, here I am riding along, having dialogue in my head with God. He lovingly points out the obvious, I need to confess to Him, then confess to my family and ask their forgiveness. He is patient with me and I confess quietly to Him, but I am still not ready to eat a big piece of humble pie with the fam. He goes on to say He wants me to blog about this episode. Oh great, sure God, really...I mean REALLY? Do I really have to blog about every trip I make to the woodshed with You? To this question He gently reminded me of a trip to the woodshed just two weeks ago that He didn't require of me to make public...YET.
I believe He asks me to be real with you guys because He moves through it. I could make My Soul Sings all about the good Christian stuff. My posts could paint a picture of me living a submitted life to Christ. They could make it sound like I have it all together or they can be real and transparent. I choose real and transparent because it is the desire of my heart to relate to others not only am I victorious saint, I am a saint who also struggles.
As I have said before, through my honesty I hope you are encouraged to live a life of victory. Many have shared with me they think it's too hard and they don't know where to start. I know it can be hard to jumpstart, but you can do it!
We can either wallow in the darkness or we can constantly look to Jesus whose blood washes away all our sin. It is a finished work. We can either take the gift or we can stay in the pit. I choose to take the gift. Yes, it requires of me repentance, it requires of me to address the negative issues as they rise to the surface...but the relationship I have with Him is worth every second of the woodshed. Might I add the woodshed I refer to isn't a place of condemnation or punishment, but of discipline which trains and teaches...He is always gentle!
Moody Mama has once again been retired. My next inner healing focus will be to dig up what triggers me about family trips...Moody Mama has made appearances before around vacations. From my experience in inner healing this is a sign of a deeper issue. What is suppose to be a relaxing, family time can turn into something ugly real quick. Papa God is ready to meet me in that place of pain...I'll let you know someday the results of this meeting:)
Living free of condemnation and guilt of Moody Mama makes My Soul Sing!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)