In the Shower with Jesus

Hopefully the title of this post doesn't offend anyone, because if truth be told; and you are a believer, you are IN CHRIST and there's no where you go that He doesn't;)  I had a shower epiphany this morning.  Now, you guys can count yourself blessed I don't share all my shower 'epiphanies' in blog posts.  The shower seems to be the place where He speaks to me the most often.  Occasionally, He will awaken me from sleep during the night, but I don't always get up and listen.  He knows me well; so, in the shower it is:)

This morning's insight was so seemingly random.  I suppose the timing might become clearer to me in the days to come, but if it doesn't, I'll just count it as an insight He wanted to show me 'just because.'  He can do that, ya know?  Just because He loves talking to us!

He took me back to the junior high lunch table and some remarks a boy a year older than me said to me, more than once.  The comments were rude, degrading, explicit, sexual and a direct assault on my physical body.

This wasn't a totally new memory for me to re-visit.  When I went through inner healing this memory surfaced and I forgave the boy for his disparaging remarks.  It's a healed memory; I can know this because the thought of it doesn't bring any pain.  It remains part of my history, but it no longer defines who I am.

As I was picturing the setting in my imagination the question struck me, "why did I continue to sit at lunch with this group of people?"  I honestly can't remember any of the other 'players,' just this one offensive (older) boy and his remarks to me.  I can only assume we had mutual friends, which placed us at the same table, because I know for certain there were no assigned seats.

It was like Jesus was showing me this picture, but He wasn't really saying anything about it.  This is when I realized I would not put myself in that situation currently.  I wouldn't continue to expose myself to someone who didn't respect me.  Would I be kind to them?  Yes.  Would I go out of my way to reach out to them?  In the words of my 16 year old, 'probs not.'  Would I sit at the lunch table with them?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I think Jesus wanted me to see how far I've come, from self-hatred and no value or respect for myself, to healthy boundaries with those who don't see me for who I really am.  From a victim mindset to one of an overcomer.

A victim doesn't see their worth.  They don't expect to be respected by others; because, quite frankly, they don't respect themselves.  I've said this many times, but it bears repeating...one sets the standard for which one can receive love/respect/honor.  To the degree you love/respect/honor yourself is the degree others will love, respect and honor you.

In the case of this boy at the lunch table, for years his remarks rang through my head and I believed them to be true.  In reality, they were quite false.  From his remarks I formed the belief of many other lies, escalating in depth from the one he spoke over me.  Do I blame him?  Nope.  You see, we choose what to believe.  Sure, as a young teenage girl I was more vulnerable to deception than I am now, but still, it was my choice.

Not really sure why I'm sharing this with you today.  It's always my prayer that what I share will bring hope to someone currently struggling with where I've been.  It's just another way I relish in trampling on the work of the enemy:)  What he (satan) meant for my harm and destruction, Papa God turned into a platform for me to share truth.  Oh, the redemption and restoration of my Papa God makes MY SOUL SING!

My Heart Song

Hello, blogland! It's been a long time. I certainly haven't been at a loss for words, but I must admit I haven't felt like blogging for quite some time. To be honest I've not wanted to share what has been on my heart.

I consider myself to be transparent because I have nothing to hide, but quite honestly I have felt misunderstood by people who don't really "know" me. As I touched on in the Passionate about Purpose series to know someone indicates a very intimate relationship. We all have a number of people in our day to day lives, but how many of those people really know us and vice versa? I have a select few I feel really know the song of my heart. They are safe. I can trust them with my heart. It doesn't mean we have to agree on everything, but there is safety in expressing who we really are without any pretenses or expectations. These are the type of friends who if they heard gossip about me would be able to say, "no, I know Amy Dover and that's not her heart."

Out of obedience to my Papa I feel it is time to break my silence. However, I want to reiterate what I stated when I began this blog. I'm not looking for doctrinal arguments. I'm not trying to change how you think. This post and the posts to follow won't take the tone of instruction, teaching or a theological stance. In fact, Jesus doesn't even want me to use much scripture...He said to simply share my story and my heart because through it He wants to release hope to the hopeless.

Jesus often offended the religious leaders of His day. He came and totally turned over their apple-carts so to speak. Sometimes I take stances on issues that aren't mainstream...perhaps even offending some. I believe this has caused me to be misunderstood many times. I will admit this rejection has hurt, but I'm not sorry for standing for what I believe to be His heart.

Recently a friend sent me an encouraging text. In it she said Jesus said to tell you...and she went on to share what He had given her to share. Funny thing is, He had already told me the same word. Not only had He told me, He had told me several times, in several different ways (through song, sermons and scripture)...I like to believe it's because He loves me and knows I need lots of confirmation=)

I read her text and chuckled. I said aloud, "Jesus, okay I get that, I hear You. But I just want them to know my heart." You see, I had already searched my heart on the issue and knew it was pure. I was not prepared for what He said back to me...He said, "Don't you think I want them to know mine?" Wow! Talk about putting my little pity party into perspective! Jesus, the King of kings, is misunderstood? Of course He is! If the planet took the time to get to know Him and know His heart they would fall madly, deeply, passionately in love with Him!

I have spent the past several months seeking His heart and He has not disappointed me. He is revealing His heart to me on many issues. I've got to admit, it's not popular opinion the things He has shown me. Imagine that, Jesus goes against the status quo=)

So, if you're interested in having a front row seat into the beat of my heart, stick around...He has told me to give you a glimpse into His heart, through mine. I'm not saying I have all the answers, or that I have this Christianity thing all figured out, because I do NOT...but what I do have I will share and that is simply a love relationship with Papa, Jesus and Holy Spirit. A relational connection so tight I struggle very little with fear and fear use to consume me. I have peace which I have no explanation for other than Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! It doesn't mean I don't have problems, struggles or sin...it means I know my identity in Christ and I wake up each day with something to celebrate because I have learned to live on earth as it is in heaven. My Soul Sings and it's my prayer your soul is singing too...Stay tuned!

I Don't Know

The other day I was having a conversation with someone who had question after question. They were expecting me to give them answers and quite honestly I didn't have many. My response was repeatedly, "I don't know."

A few days later I had some questions of my own. Frustration began to loom over me and I directed my question(s) to God. What I heard back from Him was simply, "Amy, you don't have to have all the answers."

When I first heard His reply I thought to myself, "ok, great, God says I don't have to have all the answers, now what?" The frustration lifted, but it took a few days for the freedom to come.

I am a huge proponent of self talk, so over the course of the next week I repeatedly said over myself, "Amy, you don't have to have all the answers." The more I said it, the better it sounded and the more freedom it released.

Yesterday, a sweet friend called and wanted to meet for lunch. She was facing some decisions and was somewhat confused about what direction to take. As I was preparing to go meet with her I was talking with Jesus. I told Jesus I was concerned that I didn't have any answers to give her, in fact I only had more questions.

Jesus gently responded to me, "Amy, you don't have to have all the answers." He then went on to reveal to me how the best teachers are not those who lay out all the facts and tell you what conclusion to come to, but rather those who lay out the material and then pose questions to you by which you are led to the answers through discovery.

Before leaving to go to lunch I jumped onto my Facebook to post this as my status: "You don't have to have all the answers. God gave me this word several days ago and I realized this morning it was not just for me, but to be shared."

It never made it to my status, because I heard Holy Spirit say I needed to share this word through a blog post....so here we are.

As we prepare to enter into a new year I am sure each of you have questions of your own. It is my prayer for myself and for each one reading this that 2011 would be a year of learning to trust God more, following His leading and laying on His chest when things look uncertain or a little scary.

Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Our Papa God has ALL the answers and He is waiting for us to come to Him....He wants to reveal His secrets to you and to me. Knowing it is my Abba Daddy's desire to share His heart intimately with me makes my soul sing!

I want to leave you with a song by Kristene Mueller (DiMarco) Happy New Year to each of you, my friends and blog family!

At the Foot of the Cross

When is the last time you visited the foot of the cross? Was it at your salvation? A weekend retreat? When someone you love was very ill and needed a miracle? After a moving sermon during an altar call?

For me, it was yesterday morning. No frills, no pomp, no moving sermon or fancy worship service...no manipulating pastor with good intentions to move his flock closer to Jesus. No, none of that, just a hurting heart and a need to lay it down at His feet.

I knew I was hurt, even angry. What I didn't realize is I needed to forgive. A phone call from a sweet sister who asked the question, "how are you?" was all it took for the waterworks to begin. My reply, "I'm a mess." She asked, "what are you a mess about?" Me, "I don't know."

I got my breath and then my heart started to speak. The issues were soon defined and out in the open. Her reply, "well, Amy, you know the first thing you are going to need to do is forgive."

Really? Forgive? Something I walk people through on a weekly basis and it hadn't even crossed my mind I needed it in my own situation! Yes, we really do need the body (of Christ) to guide us along the narrow path when our "stuff" (aka baggage) is blocking our ability to see and hear God's direction for ourselves. Forgiveness is exactly what was needed.

Holding on to un-forgiveness will almost always block your intimacy with the Father. Now, if you aren't intimate with Him to begin with, you may not be able to relate to that statement. Building an intimate relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit has been my life purpose the last few years and I definitely recognize when there is a block.

There is nothing more discouraging and frustrating then feeling I can't connect with Him. When all I can pray is, "oh, God" and it is seemingly quiet on the other end of the dialogue. Because that is what prayer should be, a dialogue, between you and Him. If we stay focused on ourselves and our "stuff," prayer will be all about our needs/wants and we will completely miss out on the relationship He wants with us. If we are focused on Him, it will be a time of dialogue. He will speak to your heart. One of the goals of *inner healing* is to develop this kind of intimacy with our Daddy.

Where were we...oh yes, forgiveness. So, as I sat at my kitchen counter with my cup of coffee, I started to forgive, "I choose to forgive (name here) for (offense here) and how it made me feel (list of feelings/emotions tied to the offense.) I cancel the debt they owed me to (what they should have done/or my perception of what they should have done, or not done.) Lord, I break agreement with any judgments I made about them and ask you to forgive me. I release them from all my expectations to meet my needs. I turn to You, Father God, to meet my needs and heal all my pain. In Jesus Name, Amen."

I went through this process for each person and then heard the Father gently say, "forgive yourself." Yeah, right! God, I really need to go brush my teeth and get ready to leave for my appointment this morning...catch that self forgiveness later, okay?

I went about my business and couldn't get away from the gentle nudge of Holy Spirit saying, "forgive yourself."

Knowing I wanted my peace back I complied, reluctantly. It went something like this:

I choose to forgive myself for being hard on myself, for resenting myself for allowing this situation to come between me and Papa God. I choose to forgive myself for punishing myself with verbal condemnation and condemning thoughts. I choose to forgive myself for not accepting God's forgiveness in this matter, by making a choice to hold onto the pain. I choose to forgive myself for speaking curses over myself and those involved. For losing my patience and yelling. I choose to forgive myself for opening the door to the enemy in my life, even though I know better! I choose to forgive myself for going to bed angry. I choose to forgive myself for not trusting God to work this together for my good. I choose to forgive myself for setting standards that are too high for me or anyone else in my life to meet and for withholding love because they don't meet them.

Ugly, huh? See why I needed to verbalize that and lay it at His feet?

So, again, I ask you, "when was the last time you visited the foot of the cross?" In inner healing circles we call this "doing kingdom business." DKB is a lifestyle. It isn't just for those moments of intense emotional pull mentioned at the beginning of this post. As soon as Holy Spirit brings it to your mind, you need to make the effort and the choice (oh, it's definitely a choice.)

More often than not it will be done in the presence of One, perhaps at your kitchen counter, maybe in the car, in your quiet time...although there are times when you need the body to come along side you and be your eyes and ears.

James 5:16, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

If you've not experienced this power in prayer maybe it is because you have isolated yourself. You've tried to handle it quietly, on your own and without the support of others. Maybe you're ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid. It's why I wrote this post. I want to share with you the freedom that comes with transparency. Light exposes darkness...every time!

None of us are perfect. Releasing pain, un-forgiveness, sin, etc. is part of every Christian's walk. There is no condemnation in it, only healing, forgiveness and FREEDOM!

I invite you to the foot of the cross...a place of restoration and redemption. To listen to a song about the foot of the cross go here and listen to this beautiful song by Kathryn Scott.

Releasing and receiving forgiveness at the foot of the cross makes My Soul Sing!

*Inner Healing* If you are interested in receiving inner healing or learning more about what inner healing is, please visit Growing in Grace Ministries website at www.iggm.org. Check out the Sozo ministry link. I invite you to come and experience freedom, healing and deliverance!

All you had to do was give it to Me

It has been awhile since I've written a post that is one part confession and one part exhortation:) I pray the Father speaks to you through this personal revelation.

My husband and I joined a small group. It met for the first time last night. This isn't your typical "new" small group because many of us were already in covenant relationship with each other. This level of intimacy allowed us to skip over the formalities and awkwardness of getting to know one another and get right to business. We each were asked to share up to three prayer requests.

As I listened to those who went before me I was thinking of what my requests would be. My thoughts went to several on going prayer needs within my family, but I knew none of these were what the Lord was wanting me to share with the group. He wanted me to get personal and share my heart.

Ironically, it took me awhile to realize what the concern of my heart was. I didn't go to the meeting thinking anything was weighing heavy on my heart. In hindsight I realized I couldn't have been more wrong!

My turn to share came and out of my mouth came an earnest desire of my heart. It was a mama's cry. I can not share the details, but just know it was a burden, one I didn't fully realize the weight of...

We had a time of prayer and left agreeing to lift one another up in the days and weeks ahead.

As I was driving my younger daughter to school this morning I noticed a shift. The very thing I had shared in my request was different this morning. Hmmm? I thought to myself. It was then I heard His voice, "all you had to do was give it to Me." Ding, ding, DUH!

For a brief moment I entertained the condemning thought, "how could you miss that, Amy?" I was quick to go back to the revelation my Daddy had given me...

"All YOU had to do was give it to Me."

"All you had to DO was give it to Me."

"All you had to do was GIVE it to Me. "

" All- you- had- to- do- was- give- it- to- Me."

I consider myself an intercessor. I love to pray. I love to listen for His heartbeat; the heartbeat of heaven and release what I hear the Father say into the environment around me. I love to intercede on the behalf of others. But what I had missed was a personal need. What I realized is I had tried to "fix" it myself. Trying to cope in my strength. How I know this doesn't work! DUH! "All you had to do was give it to Me."

It wasn't that I didn't think God cared about this need, or that He was too busy...it just wasn't on my radar until I spoke it out...when I heard my voice admit to the group this issue was robbing me of peace I knew the gravity of the issue. Living in a place of His peace is something I jealously guard and voraciously treasure. "All you had to do was give it to Me."

In my heart I know the prayer is answered, it's a done deal. The situation is back in His capable hands because I have removed mySELF out of the equation. The burden is where it was meant to be all along...at His feet. He gave me His easy yoke in exchange for my weighty burden! (Matthew 11:28-30)

Perhaps you are reading this and He has brought an issue, situation or need to your mind. Have you given it to Him? Maybe you have given it to Him only to pick it back up? Hopefully you are able to lay it down and leave it at the foot of the cross, remembering there is no limit to how many times you can do so. If you feel like it's been a seemingly never ending cycle, shake off any condemnation and lay it down again...and leave it there. "All you had to do was give it to Me."

Papa, I thank You. I thank You for being accessible 24/7/365. I thank You for longing for me to come to You with the heaviest of burdens and the smallest of burdens, because in Your eyes they are equally important. I thank You for placing me in a community who generally cares about my well being. I thank You I was designed to live in community where transparency brings healing. You are a good and loving Father. You long for me to depend on You, trust in You and come to You. My Soul Sings because all I had to do was give it to YOU!

*If you are personally struggling with a burden and want a safe place to share, I would love to pray for you. You can send me a private message by Facebook:)

Oh Focus, Where Art Thou?

I am starting to wonder if the name of this blog should have been "Confession Central." Seems like I do quite a bit of soul sharing and confessing on here and this post is no different.

I lost my focus. Never fear, I found it, if I hadn't I wouldn't be writing this post.

Some of you may or may not know what your focus is. I have blogged before about my priorities. To sum them up again they go in this order, God, my husband, my children, friends and ministry.

Focus and priorities for me are related, but not necessarily one in the same. For the last few years my focus has been on God and my relationship with the Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. When I am in right relationship with the Godhead my priorities and other relationships come into order as well.

When I say I lost my focus I mean I took my eyes off God. You may be asking what exactly does that look like? For me to be focused on God is to constantly view things through Kingdom lenses. The circumstances in the natural often look bleak, discouraging and hopeless. When we focus on what we see in the natural we empower lies to work, as we lose sight of God's truth. It is my desire to filter circumstances in my life and the lives of those I love through the eyes of God.

This can mean I seek a precedent from scripture or it can be as simple as asking Him how He views a situation. Viewing life through Kingdom lenses has empowered me to walk in victory, satisfaction and peace; as well as, providing Kingdom solutions to the trials and problems I face in day to day life.

As a friend told me today I have an addictive personality...thanks sister, I felt so edified by this comment:) Just kidding...she is right. I've never had a substance addiction, but when I am passionate about something it usually turns into an obsession/addiction...it becomes what I live and breath for.

Now, before you go and assume this is a negative trait of mine I invite you to look at how this can be a good attribute. Followers of this blog should know by now I am constantly looking for the redemptive value in EVERYTHING!

As I have grown in my relationship with God I have become absolutely obsessed with Him. This has effected me in a wonderful way as I am now living in great freedom. I am obsessed with worship, prayer, study and ministry. My passion and love for Jesus drives me to share my relationship with others, hopefully imparting a little piece of the Kingdom to those who are seeking it...and hopefully without spiritually throwing up on them uninvited...if I have crossed this boundary with anybody reading this please accept my apologies...I just get excited sometimes:) Most of the time my God obsession is a good obsession!

But, when I lose my focus I can easily fall into a snare of the enemy, becoming obsessed with other things that aren't healthy for me or my family. Before we go any further in this post I want you to hear me say this is my story, and it may be quite different from yours.

I want to confess and explain what it looks like when I lose my focus...not that I'm proud of it, I am not.

When I take my eyes off God I always get incredibly grumpy, highly agitated and easily frustrated. The peace I am accustomed to walking in goes right out the window.

Isaiah 26:3 from the Message, "People with their minds set on You, You keep completely whole, steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don't quit."

When I lose my focus and my eyes aren't on Him my life turns into a whirlwind and chaos reigns in my home. When I am on a focus sabbatical (tee-hee) I don't spend much time with God, my prayer life is brief and self-centered, and I hardly open the Word. What happens when you don't water a plant? It withers. Visual learners that was for you:) What happens when you go a long time without talking with a friend? You lose contact.

Fast forward to this morning. I knew I had lost my focus. I also realized I had some pretty intense repentance I needed to do. In my circles we call this "doing kingdom business." Nailed down and simply put I had placed other obsessions over my relationship with God and that, my friends, is idolatry.

As I sat on my bed with my Bible and journal in front of me I closed my eyes and tried to connect with the Father...nothing...silence...hello God, are you there? Now I know good and well He is there, He never leaves...dang it, I knew it was serious business when I had to start confessing and repenting before I even felt Him close. You people know how much I love His presence, to not be able to immediately connect with Him for me is pure torture.

He has already revealed to me the redemptive side of me temporarily experiencing the break in connection...because, He is, after all, ridiculously redemptive and doesn't waste the opportunity to use anything to teach us and grow us up in the faith.

Stay tuned for a blog post soon about restoring your heart to heart connection with Father God. Until next time I hope your soul sings because the Father passionately loves you and longs for an intimate relationship with you!

Moody Mama's Encore Appearance

It definitely was NOT an Oscar award winning appearance...but, yes, sadly, Moody Mama came back. If you are wondering who the heck Moody Mama is I begrudgingly invite you to go read this post. But I must warn you, it's not my brightest moment.

Good Friday, and no the irony of it being "Good" Friday is not lost on me...keep reading and you will see why. Good Friday and we were preparing to go out of town for Easter weekend. It is spring break week. We planned a weekend getaway to Atlanta where going to the Georgia Aquarium, Six Flags and shopping were on the agenda.

Allow me to setup the scene for you, so you can get the full picture. Last week was incredibly busy, on all fronts. I was out of the home 3 nights out of 4, something I try not to do most of the time. My days were filled with appointments of all kinds, ministry, hair cut, doctor and meetings. I am not at all complaining, just giving you a glimpse into what for me was a packed week. Being a "stay at home" mom has spoiled me with a good amount of leisure time and plenty of time to do laundry and various other errands during the day. When my time is otherwise scheduled those things get left undone temporarily.

Now would be a good time for a huge shout out for those of you who work full-time and manage a household including all of the above activities day in and day out. You gals are the bomb, seriously, my hat goes off to you! Extra kudos to those who do it all as a single mom...really, hats off!

But, for me, this kind of week is not the norm. By Thursday I was a mad woman catching up on laundry and getting out summer clothes due to the dramatic change in temperatures here in southeast Tennessee...which included some trying on to determine what fit the girls (and honestly what fit me, ugh), so we knew what to pack for our trip.

I encouraged the girls to pack their bags Thursday evening, but was met with, "we'll do it in the morning." The dear hubster, who is an extreme early worm, wanted to leave at say 8:00 a.m., 9:00 at the latest...yeah, right, I thought to myself...or maybe I didn't keep that thought in my head, yes, looking back, I'm pretty sure I didn't...hmmm, should have recognized then Moody Mama was on the verge of a comeback:)

Morning came, and have I mentioned before morning isn't my finest time of the day...well I should, because that is a very important tidbit of information to know. Yes, morning came, I wasn't finished packing and the girls hadn't even begun to pack. With children the ages of mine one grows used to peaceful showers and potty time alone without interruption...it's not like I have little bitty ones hanging on me while I do my business, etc. Those of you in that stage, I promise, it gets better.

So, imagine my frustration when they both alternately came into the bathroom while I was trying to shower and, you know, other stuff...they made several trips into my sanctum, with various questions, such as, "mom, I don't know what to pack. Mom, does this outfit match? Mom, what is the weather going to be like? What shoes look best with my Easter dress? Mom, are you packing your flat iron and can I use it?"

My response was less than cordial as I replied to them with irritation oozing from my pores...after all, didn't I ask them to do this the night before? If only my response ended there...it did not.

The hubster, being exceptionally intelligent, decided to go put gas in the vehicle and get cash from the ATM while this drama was unfolding at home. He really should have stayed away longer, but I suppose he ran out of things to do...because he came back and I made sure he was aware of the situation. If you are imagining a scene of intense fellowship here, you are very perceptive. The intensity was on my part because he, like the intelligent man he is, remained quiet, listening to me rant.

As if I haven't exposed myself enough here, it gets worse...now, if any men have made it this far I commend you, for this post has hormones written all over it, and it's about to get even more hormonal because I'm going to talk about stuff like bad hair and fat days...consider yourself warned:)

I was sitting on my makeup stool in front of the mirror when the hubster came in and asked me this question, "when are you going to be ready to go?" I responded, "look at me! I look awful! I can't fix my hair right (new layers from my haircut) and my summer clothes are too tight, not to mention the fact I am alabaster white, how can I wear capri's looking like this?!" I was holding an eyeshadow and eyeshadow brush, which I proceeded to throw with great vengeance, because really, this is the best way to express to him I am angry...whatever!

The eyeshadow goes flying out our bedroom door and into the living room where it bounces off the glass top on the coffee table, making a sharp ping sound as it hits. In my head I'm wondering if it nicked the glass and I'm also wondering if the eyeshadow is crumbled into a gazillion pieces, because it is quite costly warpaint in which I really don't want to see ruined. But, no, I will not show my concern for the table or eyeshadow, because that would signify remorse to the hubster, which I'm not ready to show...yet.

The hubster, still in his intelligence, goes and recovers the brush and eyeshadow and returns them to me. I continue to rant and now both girls are in serious get ready mode because they are scared into submission at this point (which goes against all the new parenting principles I have put into practice through my quest to Love on Purpose. See the parenting posts for more explanation on that.)

Surprisingly enough, my hair turns out to be lovely and the outfit I selected minimized my pallor. But I was still not ready to retreat and repent. We load into the car. I glance (maybe glare) over at the hubster and ask through seething teeth, "aren't you going to pray over us and the vehicle before we go?" To which he responded, "I already came out here and did while you were getting ready." Yep, I bet he did, I bet he added in a few prayers for me as well. And so begins our lovely family weekend...and have I mentioned it's Good Friday?

We are driving along and, amazingly enough, I hear God speak to me. Sometimes in these situations He is quiet until I confess and repent, but this time, in His graciousness He didn't let me stew for long...after all, He desired for our family time to be filled with love and joy and He knew I would set the tone...my attitude had a great deal to do with rather or not we would have an enjoyable trip.

So, here I am riding along, having dialogue in my head with God. He lovingly points out the obvious, I need to confess to Him, then confess to my family and ask their forgiveness. He is patient with me and I confess quietly to Him, but I am still not ready to eat a big piece of humble pie with the fam. He goes on to say He wants me to blog about this episode. Oh great, sure God, really...I mean REALLY? Do I really have to blog about every trip I make to the woodshed with You? To this question He gently reminded me of a trip to the woodshed just two weeks ago that He didn't require of me to make public...YET.

I believe He asks me to be real with you guys because He moves through it. I could make My Soul Sings all about the good Christian stuff. My posts could paint a picture of me living a submitted life to Christ. They could make it sound like I have it all together or they can be real and transparent. I choose real and transparent because it is the desire of my heart to relate to others not only am I victorious saint, I am a saint who also struggles.

As I have said before, through my honesty I hope you are encouraged to live a life of victory. Many have shared with me they think it's too hard and they don't know where to start. I know it can be hard to jumpstart, but you can do it!

We can either wallow in the darkness or we can constantly look to Jesus whose blood washes away all our sin. It is a finished work. We can either take the gift or we can stay in the pit. I choose to take the gift. Yes, it requires of me repentance, it requires of me to address the negative issues as they rise to the surface...but the relationship I have with Him is worth every second of the woodshed. Might I add the woodshed I refer to isn't a place of condemnation or punishment, but of discipline which trains and teaches...He is always gentle!

Moody Mama has once again been retired. My next inner healing focus will be to dig up what triggers me about family trips...Moody Mama has made appearances before around vacations. From my experience in inner healing this is a sign of a deeper issue. What is suppose to be a relaxing, family time can turn into something ugly real quick. Papa God is ready to meet me in that place of pain...I'll let you know someday the results of this meeting:)

Living free of condemnation and guilt of Moody Mama makes My Soul Sing!

God is speaking, are you listening?

First I want to begin by stating this post is not doctrine, theology or even a translation of the passage of scripture I will reference. This is simply me sharing with you a way in which God spoke to me through His Word and through nature around me.


When we box ourselves into thinking God only speaks through His Word we will miss some wonderful opportunities to hear Him speak to us otherwise. Although I do believe when He speaks to us outside of scripture it will be consistent with His nature. In fact, that is one way to discern His voice...it will always be in line with His Word and His character.


Hopefully your eyes and ears will be open to ways He is speaking to you in everyday circumstances! It is also probably an appropriate time for me to state I do not believe in coincidences. I see God in everything and I seek to hear Him in everything. He is speaking, it's up to us to listen:)


Here in Southeast Tennessee we have experienced the most snowfalls I can remember. I've lived 28 of my 38 years in Chattanooga and I don't remember more snows than those of 2010! In a recent conversation, a friend mentioned she planned on asking God what He was saying through these frequent snow showers. I thought this was a great idea, but wasn't necessarily planning on asking Him myself. Although I did immediately think of Isaiah 1:18 which says, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow."


It wasn't until several days later when it was unseasonably warm and sunny He got my attention. You see, not only have we had record snows, but record rainfall...which means our weather has been dreary. Even on days when it's not raining or snowing most of them have been gray and cloudy. So a sunny and warm day has been a rare treat this winter.


On this particular day the sun was shining and people were talking about how wonderful the weather was. He led me to another passage in Isaiah. This time it was Isaiah 60:1-3...


"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of Your dawn."


I read the above passage and postured myself to hear what the Lord was wanting to say to me. This is what I heard (again, this was for me and I'm sharing it with you. It is your responsibility to test this word for yourself:)


The darkness in this verse to me represents evil. The thick darkness over the people represents depression and mental illness, both of which are rampant in the earth right now. I might also add here neither are from God, but from the enemy. Remember God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind. (II Tim. 1:7) He also says in Isaiah 61:3 He gives us a spirit of praise instead of despair. Clearly, depression and mental illness are not from our Daddy!


The gloomy weather has represented the darkness. The repeated snowfalls represent His glory! We are made pure by the blood (covering) of Jesus! I began to see the snow as a blanket of His glory covering us in these dark days!


Then the unseasonably warm and sunny day represented His LIGHT! The Lord is rising over us with His light which is able to penetrate all darkness (evil)! As believers we are the "kings" in the verse drawn to His brightness, because He is the King of kings! I believe the Lord is saying He is drawing His people to Him like never before...we must be listening and watching!


I found this revelation very encouraging, which is another way to discern it was from God. Our Daddy is speaking to us via many avenues. I encourage you to be watchful and listen...what is He saying to you? He may speak through a message, a song, a billboard, an advertisement, nature, another person, the time on the clock when you awaken in the middle of the night...His ways are not our ways and we can miss Him speaking if we aren't paying attention.

My Soul Sings because my Creator is gloriously creative and not boxed into speaking only through words! Speak O Lord, your servant is listening! (I Samuel 3:9)

Bluff or Show My Hand

This could be considered a follow up to our parenting series . If you haven't read the parenting series click the link above and I suggest you start there.

In short review of Loving on Purpose (LOP) remember love casts out all fear (I John 4:18.) In LOP we looked at Biblical parenting principles and parenting like Father God. We learned not to parent from control, but with the goal of teaching our children to manage their freedom. We learned not to fear our children's sin. Fearing their sin will lead us to control them, thus producing in them either fear or rebellion, which later in life will lead them to use control as a means of protection (it's a cycle.)

We learned to build a relationship with our children in which we protect each other's hearts. Ultimately it is from this relationship our children will learn to make wise choices and how to respond when their choices aren't so wise. Remember it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4.) True repentance is not admitting our sin because we got caught or because we fear punishment. Repentance is brought about by conviction from the Holy Spirit where we confess and turn from the sin, allowing Him to empower us to walk in victory over it.

So now we have refreshed our memories on the basic concept let me introduce you to another facet the Holy Spirit revealed to me (through a recent life experience.) Light exposes all darkness. Just as fear and love can not inhabit the same space, light and darkness can not co-exist. Which is stronger? I hope you said light:)

Scripture is full of references to light and darkness. Jesus himself says "I am the light of the world;, he who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." (John 8:12) I love I Peter 2:9 which says we have been called out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Satan is described in John 8:44 as the father of lies, when he speaks he is lying...ALWAYS! Satan is always aligned with the kingdom of darkness. Jesus is always aligned with the kingdom of light...never are there any exceptions! As followers of Christ, which kingdom should we align with? LIGHT!!!! When the Lord reveals an area in our heart not in alignment with His we are to repent and confess it as sin, thus breaking agreement with the enemy and realigning ourselves with God's truth.

Back to my story...I was recently faced with a decision. I could either show my hand (for all you card players out there) or I could try to "bluff" and get my daughter to show me hers. While I was pondering the situation, praying and asking for wisdom I clearly heard the Lord say, "show your hand." How did I know this was God's voice and not my own or the enemy's? Simple...this statement aligns with the truth of His Word. All throughout scripture we are shown how God's light reveals things hidden in darkness. If I had chosen to "bluff" I knew I would be guilty of manipulation, which is just another form of control...the very thing I'm trying to avoid doing! NEVER, EVER, EVER do we see Jesus use control or manipulation in His ministry on earth...and remember He is the example we should follow.

My goal was to expose deeds done in darkness to the marvelous, saving and redemptive light of Jesus Christ. So, I was honest...real honest, shockingly honest. I shared my heart and revealed things hidden there not even my husband (before now) knew all the details about. You see the enemy wanted to keep what I shared in the darkness, where he could use it to bring me shame and guilt...but most importantly in this case to breed FEAR. Fear of my children making the same mistake. Once these details were exposed I felt a shift take place in my heart because carrying secrets is burdensome and heavy. Once exposed my heart felt lighter...remember what the enemy intended for your destruction God works together for good!

You might be wondering how this applies in the parenting department. In our 4th parenting post we discussed the issue of self-control and respect. As parents we model respect (or disrespect) to our children. They are watching us. We can not expect for them to exhibit more respect than what has been taught them through their observation of us. Same concept applies in our post today.

In the past I have modeled to my children control, fear, manipulation and lying (to keep things from being exposed.) I have also modeled to them judgment, criticism and ungodly anger. We were reaping what was sown, rotten fruit and all.

BUT!!!!! The story doesn't end here. You should know me well enough by now to know my confessions are always followed with the story of God's redemption and restoration. He is faithful to His children! He repairs what has been broken. He restores what has deteriorated. He returns what has been stolen. It's nothing I earned or deserved by any self effort, only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ. It was a matter of listening to His instructions and following through in obedience. It took faith and trust, which I admit were hard for me. Everything in me wanted to resort back to ways that were familiar, but I knew they weren't in alignment with the kingdom of God and I had come too far to turn back now.

Is the process complete? No. Is it easy? No. Is it painful? Sometimes. Is it fruitful? You bet! Is it worth trusting Him? Absolutely! Is there satisfaction with knowing my obedience to God exposed the work of the enemy? DUH! Can I trust God to complete the work He has begun in my family? YES! And this is why MY SOUL SINGS!!!! Hallelujah!

I'm Not Who I Was

This isn't a new post, but an article I wrote in December of 2008 for Growing in Grace Ministries website. I have several articles posted on GGM's website and you can read them by going here.

I've had recent conversations with friends who have known me for several years. One in particular met me at the lowest point of my life. She has watched me go from a bitter, empty woman to a Spirit filled, transformed, work of God. It was good talking with her about who I was and who I've become because I never want to take for granted who I am today and the grace of God to get me here. It was painful, cost me dearly and was not at all easy....BUT, it has been so worth every minute!

When women come to me wanting to know what I did to get "here" I share with them how I had to come before the Lord completely broken. For those looking for a quick fix, I'm sorry there is no such thing. Being healed and changed by Papa God takes time and it takes looking into your heart at things that are ugly. But if you allow Him to take you there I promise He does it so gently. You will never be the same once you've encountered the sweet love of Jesus. IT'S A LIFE LONG PROCESS and I'm still on the journey:) But once I started the process I realized I was to far into it to turn back to old ways...it simply was too costly to go back.

One thing I desperately need you to hear me say is this...I have not arrived, I am far from perfect, my transformation is on going. I only share my story in hopes of helping other women (or men) discover who they are in Christ. If my breakthrough can bring someone else into their breakthrough it is worth every minute of transparency to me. I believe it's my very purpose in life...or at the very least, my passion!

I'm Not Who I Was

originally published 12-08

Some recent events in my life have led me to ponder the concept of change. There is a song coming to mind by Christian artist Brandon Heath called "I'm Not Who I Was." If you get a chance you can listen to the song here.

Who was I ten years ago? I was a stay at home mom of a toddler and a newborn. I was a wife, daughter, a sister, a friend and a child of God who didn't know her identity in Christ. I was an occasional pew warmer. I was barely existing...and I didn't even realize it. Being created for a purpose never even crossed my mind. I was also wounded and you, my friend, at some point in your journey have experienced woundedness too...and what do wounded people do? They wound. I've been wounded, but I've also wounded...and so have you.

By this point you're thinking, "wait a minute! I come here for words of encouragement, not to be told I'm wounded and I wound!" I'm getting to that, just stay with me a little while.

It was recently revealed to me why a relationship in my past came to an abrupt end. I went several years without knowing what I had said or done to cause this friend to completely disconnect from me. When I found out what her reason was for ending the friendship I was devastated.

Without going into great detail, let's just say I was an extremely negative person. I didn't even know it, being negative was so much a part of my identity. Do you know anyone like that? They just aren't fun, are they? I loved, but my definition of love was so limited. I had religion, (which we've talked about before) but what I was missing was relationship. It's through relationship with Christ where we experience love, we in turn can give love. Simply put...you can't give what you don't possess.

In looking back we both wounded each other. I wounded her simply by reacting to life out of my pain. She, in turn, wounded me by rejecting and abadoning me. What's sad in this situation is she isn't open to reconciliation. I have tried, in the only way I can, to ask her forgiveness. Unless circumstances change she will never know this side of heaven I have changed. I'm not who I was.

Okay, so we've established we aren't the same. It doesn't matter if you go back 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, or 5 months chances are there have been changes and; hopefully, if you are living a surrendered life, they are changes for the better.

Consider II Corinthians 3:18, "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." The King James uses the word changed instead of transformed. The text indicates it is a process of being transformed or changed, meaning it is ongoing.

There's a life lesson here...when isn't there?! In my state of pondering...hmmm...let's change that to processing, I was seeking the Lord. The wound had been reopened and it stung. I knew the Lord would bring about something good from this pain, if I would only give it to Him. Remember, it always requires action on our part. I cried out to Him (literally), "I don't want this, it's ugly and it hurts and your Son died on the cross for it. It's not mine! Take it!" He gently led me to repentance and forgiveness...again! His words to me were sweet comfort. He said, "Amy, Amy, Amy don't go back to that way of thinking. You've come too far to go back to old ways. I don't see you as a negative person. I've called you to be an encourager, to bring about restoration and healing to the broken hearted. I've made beauty from ashes and my gifts to you are irrevocable. I loved you far too much to leave you the way you were. Everything I've done for you is because I love you dearly."

I processed His words and more revelation came. You see when we are still and we listen, He speaks! Again He was gentle, not condemning. I imagine He had a smile on His face and a laugh in His voice when He asked me this, "How many people have you judged based on who they were 20, 10, or 5 years ago?" There's the ouch! You knew it was coming, didn't you?

I've recently started a Facebook. Those of you familiar with Facebook know it's a great networking tool. It enables you to connect with peers, friends, family and old classmates. As you build your network it will suggest friends you might know based on your current connections, school affiliations, etc. Within a few days high school classmates starting popping up on my "people you may know list." It's amazing at what you remember about people..."he was a drunk, she was popular, he was really nerdy, she was really quiet, he was fat, she was homely, he was a jock, and so on." What I had failed to consider was how people have changed...Papa God was merely pointing it out to me. Amy, you aren't the only one who has changed! DUH! I was looking at the list of names based on who they were eighteen (now twenty) years ago!

I'm not who I was! Can I get an AMEN? I bet most of us can humbly claim we aren't who we use to be. I am extremely grateful my Savior loves me so much He can't leave me where I was! I praise Him for training me to see people how He sees them. He sees beyond the pain, the bitterness, the wounds and negativity. He sees the person they can become! He sees the person His Son hung on the cross, bled, died and rose victoriously for! When we look at people through His eyes we are not only reminded of where we've been and how far we've come, but on their potential too! Maybe all they need to start their journey of transformation is a kind word from you.

I pray as you've read this the Holy Spirit has brought someone to your mind and reminded you they aren't who they were and neither are you!

END OF ORIGINAL ARTICLE

I share this post with you because it lays a foundation for future topics we will discuss on My Soul Sings. You can't fully understand who I am today, until you know where I've been. I'm not who I was and this certainly makes My Soul Sing!

God, Icy Roads and a craving for Mexican

God sure does speak in mysterious ways, doesn't He? He is so creative and is never limited to one or two ways of communication. Let me share with you the latest way He communicated to me.

Those of you in the Chattanooga area are well aware of our "snow" today.. I use the term "snow" loosely, because there really wasn't much snow, but more like an icy mess. Schools were dismissed early. So, I had been tucked away inside since getting my 4th grader home and was really unaware of the road conditions. Russell got home from work and I hadn't started dinner because I had a real hankering for Mexican.

I mentioned my craving to him in my best Southern belle drawl (ok, not really.) He responded, "Amy, the roads are pretty bad, cars in the ditches and traffic is heavy." I replied, "well I understand that road would be pretty bad, it's curvy and hilly, but if we go the other way to the Mexican place over there it's a straight shot and I think we can make it." Imagine batting of the eyelashes here (ok, not really, but it makes for a good story, eh?) I then added, "but if you don't think we can do it, don't worry about it, we can stay here...it's just I was really wanting Mexican."

Okay, those of you who know us know my husband is a prince, I mean the real deal. He doesn't deny me anything...ANYTHING! So, if I want Mexican and it's within his power, I will get Mexican...within minutes our family of four piled into the SUV and off we went.

Oh how I wished he had told me no! The roads were awful...a thin layer of ice in some areas completely covered the road, coupled with drivers who were using their brakes way too much and you have a big hot (well cold, but hot sounds better) mess!!! We made the trip in about 15 minutes and it normally would only take 5. Prince Russell pulls up to the door to drop me off and the sidewalk and parking lot are too slick to walk on...he sighs and I can tell he is starting to get aggravated.

I meekly say, "maybe we should just go home, this is worse than I thought." I get the "duh, you don't listen to me look" as he proceeded to gingerly turn the car back toward home...sliding as he does so, but at least we had the whole parking lot:)

The journey back home was even more treacherous. Traffic had gotten thicker. It was total silence in the car at this point, the girls were too scared to breath. I started praying. We slid this way...praying, slid that way...praying...uh-oh there goes a car into the ditch, help them Jesus...praying...asking the angels to keep our four wheels on the pavement. Praise God we made it home without incident. Fortunately I had food to prepare and dinner was on the table in less than fifteen minutes...and it was a good meal to boot!

Sooooooo...you are probably wondering how in the world God communicated to me in this...well, I'm getting there, but don't you like my story? Tee-hee:)

Dinner was done. Dishes clean. Girls were playing the Wii. I came into my bedroom to check Facebook...alone, somewhat quiet and I hear in my spirit,

"You know Amy I let you have your way sometimes too, even when I know it isn't the wisest decision for you to make."

Uh, hmmm, God?

"Yes my sweet girl. Just like Russell doesn't want to deny you anything, neither do I. But sometimes what you want and what is good for you aren't the same thing. But I still let you go your own way, because until you come to the conclusion yourself, you can't learn from the choice. You're pretty strong willed and once you decide on something, it's hard to convince you otherwise. Don't worry, it's how I made you. I thought it was good opportunity to point it out to you."

Yep...I get it Papa...and look at how I responded once I realized it was a bad idea...I prayed and cried for help. How many grand plans have I gone and implemented only to realize half way into them they weren't good ideas and then turn to You and cry, "Help! Help me God out of this mess I've created!" I started to recall times when I had great plans, but didn't seek the Lord for His input...but when the grand plans went sour I would run to Him and say, "God bless this mess!" I then heard Papa speak to my heart, "and I'm always there to save you."

Maybe as you are reading this you can think of those times in your life when God has had to pull you out of a mess. This incident of going out for Mexican on an icy evening pales in comparison to other messes I've found myself and I'm sure you can relate.

Friends, the next time you find yourself in a big hot mess, stop and look for Jesus. I promise He is there with you and He is waiting to show you the way out of whatever pigpen you've found yourself in. Our heavenly Papa is in all the details and nothing is too trivial for Him...and this is why MY SOUL SINGS!