Now that we have covered most of the basics in Loving on Purpose let me introduce you to some of the (LOKP) language:) But first I want to add a disclaimer...the purpose of these posts has been to introduce you to parenting from the new covenant. I have written about my own journey to LOKP. It is not my intent to replace the need for you to read the book (Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk) or, if given the opportunity, to attend a LOKP workshop. If you only read these posts it would be like reading the Cliff Notes to Macbeth in high school literature class...you'll get the overall theme, but you will miss the real beauty of the classic Shakespearean tale.
On to the language....
One Liners that will save your life; or, at the very least, your sanity! Learn these, write them on your bathroom mirror in lipstick, tattoo them on your arm, write them on index cards and tape them to your refrigerator...whatever it takes to get them to naturally role off your tongue in moments that might very well otherwise take you to the brink of breakdown. Have I stressed this clearly enough? Good, I thought so...without further hoopla the LOKP one liners are:
- "I KNOW"
- "PROBABLY SO"
- "THAT COULD BE"
- "I DON'T KNOW"
- "NICE TRY"
These responses allow you to keep your sanity no matter what your child is choosing to do. When your child is pushing your button (and all parents have one) you can either choose to enter in a debate with them or a screaming contest...asserting your "control" as the parent (because I'm the parent and I said so!) or you can remain calm and respond to them using these simple one liners.
Danny writes in LOKP, "the day your child discovers that disrespect, dishonor and irresponsible behavior doesn't control your emotional state, they will quit using them." I can testify this statement is TRUE!
I have employed the use of the one liners sporadically since reading the book. Since attending the workshop I have used them more consistently. My girls are already on to them! When they realize you aren't going to enter into their emotional mess they give up!
An example of a conversation using the one liners might go like this.
Child: "My life is ruined!" (said through tears)
Parent: "That could be." (said with complete calm)
Child: "What? Are you crazy? You're agreeing that my life is ruined?"
Parent: "Probably so."
Child: "No body has a life as awful as mine!"
Parent: "I know."
Child: "What? You know! Why aren't you giving me a lecture right now?"
Parent: "I don't know."
Child: "Whatever!" (stomps off to room out of frustration and failure to push your button)
See how it works? Trust me, it's that simple. Confession time...I have looked forward to opportunities to use the one liners...it's so much fun! I'm probably not going to have to use them much longer. They are already giving up on trying to push my button because I have consistently responded with these and maintained my self-control...which incidentally is teaching them what it looks like to maintain theirs.
Unfortunately, it's not always looked this way at our house. There have been times I was so ignited by their rebellion, manipulation or disrespect that after yelling back at them and issuing all sorts of consequences/punishments I would have to remove myself to my bedroom where I would be so enraged I would hit my mattress. I am not an overall angry person, but I have my limits:) I realized after reading LOKP I was exuding behavior no different than theirs! As parents we are the ones modeling to them self-control, honor and respect! How can we expect our children to give out more respect than they see us exhibit? OUCH!
I encourage you to try the one-liners this week. I would love to hear how they work for you. Share your stories in the comments section. Testifying how it works for you might be the encouragement someone reading this needs to hear!
In the next post we will discuss more LOKP language and answer the question you've all been dying to ask....WHAT ABOUT SPANKING?
Basking in peace, exercising self-control and training my children to manage their freedom really does make my soul sing!
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