Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Two

If you read my previous post on Parenting you probably have a list of questions. I will continue to share my journey to "Loving on Purpose" hopefully answering some of those questions. I also encourage you to take your questions to Jesus. He loves to answer your questions...and He knows ALL the answers:)


Let's start by looking again at one of our key scriptures. You might want to commit this one to memory.


I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."


Punishment does NOT teach love, it teaches self-preservation. In the book (LOKP) Danny uses the illustration of speeding down the highway. You see a police car and all of sudden slow down and start praying you don't get pulled over....then a car behind you continues to speed and flies by you because they didn't see the cop. The police then turns on their lights and goes chasing the other car and you think to yourself, "yeah, go get him, deserves 'um right for driving so fast." Does the fact you could have been pulled over prevent you from speeding in the future? No. What emotion do you experience when you realize you're about to get caught in this situation? Self-preservation? Probably so.

Let's define punishment. According to dictionary.com punishment is the act of punishing, being punished, as for an offense or fault. A penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc., severe handling or treatment.

God does not punish, He disciplines...big difference. Vine's dictionary defines discipline as saving the mind, primarily, an admonishing or calling to soundness of mind or to self-control. Sounds like managing freedom to me, by the fruit of the Spirit, self-control. Jesus fulfilled the need for punishment by His death on the cross. He took our punishment for us!

God also corrects, but He does so from a relationship with the Holy Spirit within us. We will address correction and rebuke in a later post. It is always to be done from a securely connected place of relationship, so it builds up, not tears down. Remember God is the Redeemer and Restorer. He is in the business of putting things back together, not tearing them apart.


Unfortunately many of us have walked through our Christian life believing God punishes us. Until we realize God is good, we can not grasp just how much He loves us. If you follow the life of Jesus in the gospels you will see just how loving He is. Jesus said, "if you've seen Me, you've seen My Father." Not once did Jesus punish someone for their sin. The woman caught in adultery in John 8 is a perfect example of how Jesus reacted to sin.


Remember in processing this concept keep in mind your relationship to Father God and how He handles your sin. He isn't in the business of controlling us to keep us from sin. Remember there were two trees in the garden, we have a choice. He certainly isn't afraid of our sin either. Does sin have consequences? Always...if not immediately, then eventually. Freedom allows us to build our own prison...yeah, think about that one!


Does this mean I allow my children to run rampant? No. As a parent we are there to train them in managing their freedom and it can start as early as toddlerhood! Healthy boundaries are good, you would never knowingly expose your child to danger. If you want to know more about this I recommend reading the book, which is available on Amazon.com.


How do we teach them to manage freedom? First, we let them make mistakes. Then we empower them to find a solution to their problem. Empowering them to be problem solvers is a life skill which will prove invaluable to them as adults. It also allows them to feel the consequences of their poor choice. When we swoop in and clean up their messes all they learn is co-dependence. I say co-dependence because it has been my observation that parents who are always fixing things for their children also find identity in it. They might complain about having to do it, but secretly they wouldn't have it any other way, because it gives them purpose. To suggest to them to allow their children to fall flat on their face is insulting and perceived by them as unloving.


I have certainly cleaned up my share of messes for my girls, not so much out of co-dependence, but guilt. I would feel guilty if I didn't fill the role of "rescuer." I also felt it made me a bad mother if I didn't....and, in all honesty, sometimes it's just easier to clean it up myself. In truth I am robbing my girls of the opportunity to learn how to problem solve...and, by taking the easy way out, I'm guilty of laziness. There's my confession for this post...of course, you knew there would be one:)


Have you ever felt like you were walking a tightrope when it comes to keeping the "rules?" I certainly have most of my life. Then I realized how far and how wide God's grace to us extends. Then I came into an even greater revelation of His love. I realized God loves me as much as He loves His Son, Jesus (John 17:23) isn't that amazing? It was then I found myself wanting to live a life honoring to Him, because it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4), not the fear of punishment!!!! If we are being motivated by the fear of punishment it's a sure sign we haven't allowed His love to penetrate our hearts!


Once I realized these truths, I not only felt the love of God, I was freed from many habitual sin patterns I had failed to overcome by keeping the "rules." Then I allowed God to teach me about managing my freedom. Honestly I have walked in great victory since...not perfection, not without sin, but victorious and consistently moving forward! Realizing you are no longer a slave to sin will enable you to walk with your head held high in confidence of His great love for you.

Are you ready to get off the tightrope of life? Are you ready to allow your children to come off the tightrope you've forced them to walk? I am!

Until our next post remember the best way to gage if you are parenting from the new covenant is to continuously look to Father God's model of parenting you. He is the perfect parent.

I am hoping to hear my children testify one day, "I knew the heart of Father God, because it was modeled to me by my parents." "If you've seen me, you've seen My Father." Can our children say that about us? Do we represent our Father well? By the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I can and this is why my soul sings!