Performer No More

I grew up believing I had to be “enough.” Good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, righteous enough, holy enough…problem is I was never enough of anything. I didn’t excel in any one area. I was smart, but not very motivated and my grades reflected this. I was not athletic. I wasn’t musical. I wasn’t happy with my body, my hair, my clothes…the outside package in my opinion wasn’t anything extraordinary. So, in a word, I guess you could say I was pretty ordinary by the world's standards. Deep down every one of us, if we were really truthful, have a desire to be extraordinary…I was no different.

For me I tried to perform my way to extraordinary. Performance driven people are all about what things look like, because if we let you see what’s beneath the perfectly done hair and makeup you might not like what you see and in turn you might not like us. Performers say yes to too many things in an effort to gain attention, respect and love. We don't feel worthy of receiving love for just being us. We feel we must meet or exceed expectations…again, it’s all about earning love by what we can do.

There are several problems with being performance driven. First, performers are people pleasers. If there is one thing I have learned it is pleasing people and pleasing God rarely go hand in hand. As a people pleaser I was putting what people thought above what God thought…and that is idolatry. Galatians 1:10 is a great reference concerning people pleasing, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Secondly, performers rarely take time to seek God. They are too busy “doing” to just “be still and know” (Psalm 46:10.) I love the saying ”God made us human beings, not human doings.” Being aware of my place in God’s presence was something I was very unfamiliar with. Maybe you are reading this and realize you are a performer and the presence of God isn’t a place you are comfortable being or even familiar with…that’s okay, we’ll get there.

I absolutely love the story of Mary and Martha found in Luke 10:38-41. Perhaps it will be the topic of a blog post in the near future. But for now read it and ask yourself, are you a Mary or a Martha? I was once a self imposed Martha when my soul longed to sit at the feet of my Savior like Mary.

I don’t recall the time or place I had the revelation I was a people pleaser…I’m just glad I had it! Many times when I am ministering to other woman and people pleasing/performance has been uncovered it comes as a big surprise. Much of the time they don’t even realize it was there. Pleasing others and performance had become such a way of life for them it is all they knew.

One thing is for certain, God does not require us to perform or please our way to Him. Many would say they believe in salvation by grace and not by works, but how they are living contradicts this belief…that sure would have described me!

Praise God I have been loosed from the chains of performance.  Living in His presence is where I put my focus.  And the good news is…it is what He wants from me too! I was made to please God and it isn’t about what I DO for Him! Serving God comes out of the overflow of the time I spend with Him…not the other way around.

Are you tired of performing? Freedom from performance and people pleasing is something I love to share with others. I look forward to sharing more about it with you here on this blog.

I am a performer no more and this is why my soul sings…