Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Three

In the last post we took a little detour. I discussed how we must first learn to receive the Father's love before we can give it away to our children and others in our lives. Long before I read the book "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" (LOKP) I had come to realize to be the best parent I could be I would need to address issues in my heart. My focus went from how I could "fix"my girls (and for that matter, my husband:) into addressing wounded areas of MY heart. Until I could receive the Father's love I would not be able to love others unconditionally.


I believe our God is so big we could walk in a new level of understanding of His love everyday for the rest of our lives and still not fully grasp how great His love for us until we see Him face to face. I love the quote, "if we could fully understand and explain God He wouldn't be big enough for us to worship."

I now embrace the Father's love for me. Each day I grow in the knowledge and experience of His love. I have broken agreement with the lies the enemy whispered into my ear saying I was unworthy and not good enough. With the help of Holy Spirit I have replaced thoughts of self-hatred and self-rejection with His thoughts of me, taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ (II Corinthians 10:5.) Because, trust me, the negative thoughts try at times to come back and many times I entertain them awhile before casting them down.


When Jesus was speaking to the disciples about the promise of the Holy Spirit He said in John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." Danny Silk in his LOKP workshop said something to this effect, "We will see the strength of our love in the connection that we live through." This is true of our relationship with Father God and walking out life and it's also true in a parent/child relationship.


So if you've been wondering where to start with loving your kid on purpose this is where I suggest you start...work to restore and reconcile broken connections with them. Our goal as parents should be to protect and preserve the relationship. Are we communicating unconditional love to our children? Unconditional love means nothing can separate you from my love.


I personally found my relationship with my teenager needed more reconciliation than my relationship with my 10 year old did. Teens naturally start to pull away from us in order to discover who they are. At first my efforts to "woo" were not received by her. Just as Christ woos us sometimes for years before we accept His love. He never gives up and neither should we. She eventually accepted my pursuit of her (because love is irresistible) and our relationship has gotten stronger.


In order to love our children, and anyone in our lives for that matter, it is essential to discover what their love language is. Gary Chapman developed the Five Love Languages and has written several books about them.

The 5 love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. There are tests available online that will help in determining your love language. But a simple way to discover your child's language(s) is to simply ask them, "how do you know mama loves you?" When I did this when my girls were younger their response quickly indicated their love language to me and I've tried to speak it ever since.


It's almost guaranteed a person with a low or empty love tank will experience more behavioral issues. Remember our focus is to protect the heart to heart connection with our child. When having to address difficult issues or confront your child with an area of sin it is vital that their love tank be full because by confrontation or correction you will be taking a massive withdrawal from it.


When I first heard this taught I realized I had been taking huge withdrawals and rarely making deposits....and, as if that wasn't bad enough, I had withheld love when things weren't going my way.


You could also look at this in the context of other relationships you have. How do you feel when someone you don't have a very strong relationship with confronts you with something you have done wrong? Do you receive it well or do you take offense? What about your spouse? When life gets hectic and you feel less connected to your spouse and something negative is said...how does it feel?

If my love tank isn't full I feel empty inside. One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so negative words effect me greatly...especially if I don't feel connected (heart to heart) to the person speaking them. A heart to heart connection values the person and correction can be done out of love.

My challenge to you would be to make an effort to love those around you by speaking their language...so next time you need to make a "withdrawal" it won't bring as much separation in your relationship. Purposing to make more deposits than withdrawals into their love tanks would be an excellent goal. Now, if only we could make more deposits than withdrawals in our actual bank accounts:)

Learning to protect my heart to heart connections with my spouse, children and friends makes my soul sing!