Known for Love

I've been thinking about something.  Uh-oh, there she goes thinking again:)  As I realize God's perfect love more and more, I just can't get away from it's simplicity, yet complexity.  Obviously, we've made it very complex, because if the body of Christ had an accurate and deep understanding of God's love I am convinced we would be living differently.

The Gospel of Christ is ridiculously good news!  So good, I think we have a hard time embracing just how good it is.  God's love comes with no strings or stipulations, why do we add them???  We go back to religious mindsets and mix old covenant law with new covenant reality.  There is such a burning desire in my heart to teach and impart the good news of the new covenant to everyone I know.

As I've written previously, the body of Christ impaling the body of Christ grieves me...DEEPLY!!!!  Honestly, there's not a day goes by I don't think of it and pray about it and look for ways to bring about reconciliation.  There are times I have considered taking a sabbatical from Facebook, merely because of posts that I feel are grossly misrepresenting my Jesus to a broken world.

What if, just what if, your only job as a follower of Christ was to love people?  I can hear the question now, what about the Truth?  What about what we stand for on topics such as same sex marriage, abortion, etc?  I get that, people.  I really, really do!  I believe marriage is one man and one woman.  I believe that abortion is murder.  But, seriously, it's not my place to impose my standards (which are derived from the Bible) on those who don't even believe in my God.  To quote the Bible at a person who doesn't believe in Jesus is utterly silly.

I go back to Romans 2:4 that it is His kindness that leads to repentance.  Repentance isn't wailing and crying for hours and hours proclaiming how sinful you are before the Lord, begging for His mercy.  Repentance is changing the way you think.  Turning from your worldly or sinful thought/belief in exchange for His.  Something like, "Father, I have believed a lie and I have made bad choices based on this belief.  I am truly sorry.  I receive Your forgiveness.  I choose to believe Your truth today."

Here lately, I can not get away from the Gandhi quote, "I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

You know what?  The Ten Commandments are still valid.  We are no longer under the law, but that doesn't make the law invalid.  Instead of worrying about people keeping the laws, what if we focused on the one law Jesus said was most important?  The law of love which is; love God, love others as you love yourself.

Henry Lewis Drummond wrote the following in 1890:

'If you love, you will unconsciously fulfill the whole law.  You can readily see for yourselves how that must be so.  Take any of the commandments. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."  If a man loves God, you will not need to tell him to put away other gods.  Love is the fulfilling of that law.  "Take not the Lord's name in vain."  Would a man ever dream of taking the Lord's name in vain if he loved Him? "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy."  Wouldn't a man be glad to have one day in seven to dedicate more exclusively to the object of his affection?  Love would fulfill all these laws regarding God.

In the same way, if a man loves others, you would never think of telling him to honor his father and mother.  He could not do anything else.  It would be preposterous to tell him not to kill.  He could not do anything else.  You could only insult him if you suggested that he should not steal-how could he steal from those he loved?  It would be superfluous to beg him not to bear false witness against his neighbor.  If he loved him it would be the last thing he would do.  And you would never dream of urging him not to covet what his neighbor had.  He would rather they processed it than himself.  In this way "love is the fulfilling of the law."  It is the rule for fulfilling all rules, the new commandment for keeping all the old commandments, Christ's one secret of the Christian life.'


Jonathan Welton says, "the difficultly of developing this type of lifestyle is that we must have our eyes focused not on a list of rules, but upon walking in love in our relationships."


The deeper I go in God's love the less I am tempted to break one of these laws.  Does that mean I am sinless?  NO!  When I do sin it's because I have left the truth of God's love.  Sin is a counterfeit way to get a need met.  When sin is present it is just an indication of an area where God's love needs to be received.  The grace of God empowers us to walk free from sin!

So, what's my point of this blog post?  Simple.  As believers I think we should take the words of Jesus to heart and start loving others.  If we were truly and accurately representing our Savior our churches would be full to max capacity.  The lost would be flocking to Jesus.

Body of Christ, it's time to stop hating and debating.  It's time to start representing our Father with excellence.  It's time to get over our divisions and disagreements and focus on the one thing that matters.  Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, Your love is amazing!

So, the next time you are tempted at work, on social media or wherever else you find yourself 'taking a stand for Jesus' by proclaiming what you are against perhaps try developing a relationship with someone who needs Jesus.  That girl who just had abortion, she doesn't need to hear how wrong it was.  She needs to know the love and forgiveness of Jesus so she won't make the same choice again.

My Soul Sings because I live in the new covenant and the Gospel of grace is such good news!!!!!  Help us, Jesus, become a people of relationship.  I want to be known for love and representing You well!

Do you love yourself?

Wow, this blogging hiatus has been so long, blogger has changed interfaces on me!

Wanted to pop on here and talk a little about loving yourself. Papa has really been talking to me lately about love, specifically His love. He has also been showing me His goodness.

The other night I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep because of the overwhelming sense of His goodness coming over me. Basking in His love and goodness rekindled a desire in my heart (which is from Him) to tell the world (or at least those reading this blog) about His love. We complicate the gospel, making it difficult. Actually, the gospel is so simple; Jesus said we are to come as children. Children don't see life through a complicated lens, do they? Children trust and have faith. Hmmm...something to ponder, eh?

Before a person can fully give love they have to know (experience) Love. Let's follow the progression of love. God loved us first (I Jn. 4:19.) We are told to love God first and foremost, with all are being (Mark 12:30.) We are told to love one another as we love ourself (Mark 12:31.)

A few months ago I purchased a graphic tee at Old Navy. On the front, in large letters, it says, "Love Yourself." When I wear it I can count on some strange looks. I can only imagine what people assume. Perhaps they think I am conceited, arrogant, or prideful. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is I really do love myself, but that hasn't always been the case.

Sometime in my early 30s I was faced with the reality I had a huge self-hatred issue. Circumstances in my life brought this ugly fact into the light and over the last decade I have been in the healing process. Self-hatred's tentacles are tight and run deep. I didn't just wake up one day and decide I was going to love myself. No, it was most assuredly a long, tedious, at times ugly process. It began with learning who Christ made me and progressed to a radical heart experience with my Papa's love for me.

I had to dig up and toss out bad theology, replacing it with His truth. Religion had taught me to believe I was no good...the wretch the song refers to...but I now realize it was a lie. Once you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and are on this side of the cross you are no longer a wretch or a sinner. Truth is, God sees you as He sees Jesus. As He is so are we in this world! See I John 4:17.

Jesus was serious when He said, "it is finished" on the cross. Everything was done on the cross, it is a finished work. Our only part is to choose to believe and confess Him as Lord!

Sadly, the majority of the body of Christ is walking around believing they are wretched sinners. They believe they are disappointing God. They struggle with the same sin time and again, cloaked in shame and desperation. I know because I was one of them.

Once I realized I wasn't destined to be a sinner my entire life, everything changed. I know now when I do sin I have an advocate with the Father (see I John 2:1.) I've heard it said the reason we need an advocate (an attorney so to speak) is because we have no reason to sin. In the NIV translation it says "if anybody does sin." If, not when...hmmmm???? We aren't going to dissect that one today;)

It's hard to put into words how powerful the love of God is. The point I am trying to make is His love changes everything, but first you have to receive. I'm not talking about salvation. I believe one can accept Christ as Savior and not really know His love. Knowing His love comes through an intimate relationship with Him.

Many people can't get to the knowing part because they can't get past the wretched sinner part. When you believe the lie you aren't worthy of His love because of sin or your past, it's next to impossible to receive it. Friend, I'm here to tell you, YOU ARE WORTHY! You are worthy because of the sacrifice Jesus made! IT IS FINISHED!!!!

Receive His love. He is waiting for you. Love yourself because you are made in His image. Love others from the overflow that comes from abiding in the love of the Father. It's beautiful! His love is life changing!

Papa, I thank You for Your goodness. I thank You for desiring a relationship with me. I thank You for the ability to enter into Your presence knowing I am clean, righteous, holy and fully loved...and I did nothing to earn it. I thank You for Your love. Your love is so safe and so empowering my desire to sin decreases. I thank You for forgiveness when I do fail. Thank You for Your kindness leading me to repentance. I thank You for loving me as much as You love Jesus! Papa, You make my soul sing and I thank You!

Love is the Key

The Beatles were really onto something with their song "All We Need is Love." But, "Whose love?" would be the question I would pose.

Have you ever had someone in your life that was just plain broken? Messed up? Hopeless? Helpless? No matter what you say or do, nothing is ever enough to pull them out of the pit of despair they find themselves perpetually living. Have you ever thought if I could just love them to wholeness everything would be so much better?

Yes, I believe love is the key and love is everything, but not necessarily human love, but divine love. Until we experience God's love, nothing and no one can fill the hole or holes in our heart.

If you follow me on Twitter or if you are my friend on Facebook you will see me often post about my love for Jesus and His love for me. Friends, these exclamations of my love for Him are more than just beautiful words to me. They are deep and they are real...because I have been forever changed by His love.

I am passionate about leading others into the same healing and freedom I have found through my relationship with Jesus. I have shared my story over coffee, lunch and through Facebook messaging. Some accept what I have to offer, others do not...and that's okay, it's their journey, my obligation is just to share when He says share:)

There are others who ask for help in walking out their journey to wholeness and freedom...inevitably, along the way there are those who don't seem to be able to get over the hurdle of their past, be it sin or shame, they just seem stuck.

I rejoice with those who walk on to victory, as I believe it is the will of the Father for each of us to walk in complete victory...but I am saddened by those who choose (yes, it is ALWAYS a choice) to go backwards...which led me to ask Papa God the question...Why? Papa, why do some embrace Your healing and others do not?

The list of obstacles is lengthy. Shame, unworthiness, guilt, fear and control are a few things standing in the way of true freedom. Each of these have to be dealt with on their own, but there is one key that unlocks them all...Love, God's love.

One of my all time favorite scriptures is I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."

Perfect love isn't a feeling or emotion; it is a person, JESUS.

Sounds so simple, yet it is so difficult for many to grasp. Papa was giving me the antidote and the answer to my question and it is love, His love. How can one get past the obstacles forming a wall around their heart, preventing themselves from being hurt, abused or taken advantage of? These walls have protected them from bad stuff, but they have also blocked the love capable of setting them free! The process to healing starts with receiving God's love.

Have you ever met someone who seemed unlovable or hard to love? Perhaps even feeling like you didn't like them too much, but you couldn't put your finger on why. Odds are, they don't love themselves and they project a "I'm not lovable" vibe. In actuality, they are dying on the inside from lack of love.

When I realized I couldn't love anyone to wholeness until they were ready to receive it, my perspective shifted. I realized I can not be more zealous about pursuing their healing than they are. So, what do you do until they are ready? You love, you surrender the person to God and pray for them how you would want them to pray for you. Ask Papa to fill them with His love, making His love real to them, filling every place in their heart where there is pain or void with His perfect love that casts out fear. He will. Loving us is His speciality and no one is excluded!

If you are reading this and the person needing to experience God's love is you, I pray you would have the courage and desire to move forward in your pursuit of our loving God. I pray you would become a target for all the goodness and love Papa God has for you! He has been waiting to lavish you with His love. The first step to walking out a path to wholeness and healing is allowing Him to love you. Let Him use the key of love to unlock your heart, you can trust Him with it!

There are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe the love of God. I am thankful He loves me with an abundant, never ending, furious, extravagant, lavish, all consuming, passionate, perfect, luscious, unconditional, marvelous, amazing, brilliant and radiant LOVE...my soul will forever sing of His love for me and for YOU! I pray your soul is singing too!

If you enjoy reading My Soul Sings, please, become a follower of this blog and consider sharing it with a friend! Blessings on you!

Mediocre to Magnificent Part Two

I'm back! I know you are all dying to read part two:) Don't you just hate it when you read a good fiction book that is part of a series and you have to wait until the next one to find out the end of the story...Karen Kingsbury series come to mind. I read one in less than 24 hours and can hardly wait for the next one to be published. Well, that was back in the day when I read for entertainment, who has time for that anymore?

Gasp, did I just compare my little blog series with a Kingsbury novel? Pretty bold and assuming of me, eh?

Now, where were we...oh yes, marriage, my marriage to be exact.

In the last post I talked about how I realized in order to bring life to my marriage I had to do something with myself. I not so sheepishly told all you readers you are only responsible for you. Really, I can't stressed that enough.

Many times in talking with women who are struggling in their marriages their focus is on their husband. If only he would..., if only he would say..., if only he would do..., if only he wouldn't do... You can fill in the blanks. Ladies, you can not change your husband. No amount of nagging, begging, pleading or change him prayers will work. God gave us each free will, any change made is our choice.

Russell and I attended a marriage seminar this past weekend. It was phenomenal! If you ever have a chance to attend a
"Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor do it!

Mark talks about how to relate to your spouse, not turn them into another version of yourself. I wholeheartedly agree! In essence we are asking the question, "why can't you be more like me?" Making our spouse into another us is not the way to a better marriage.

After several years of walking through inner healing and aligning my thoughts to God's truth, I actually like me. Russell no longer has to tip toe through my emotional minefield on a daily basis which has changed the atmosphere in our home. A happy and fulfilled wife makes for a happy home...at least most of the time:)

So, how did we get here? Let's talk about some of the principles in play in my marriage that may spark some revelation in yours.

* First and foremost, find your fulfillment and identity in Jesus Christ alone. No man can ever fulfill your heart...to expect one to do so is setting yourself and the relationship up for failure. It is humanly impossible for any person to meet all our expectations. Releasing others from your expectations not only sets you free, it sets them free.

* Take your hurts to Jesus. Your husband can not fix you. Sure he can bring you comfort and support, but ultimately Jesus is the only one who can heal your pain.

* Work on you. Allow Jesus to mold you and shape you into His image. Hope you're not counting how many times I've said this:) It really is a key ingredient.

* Respect your husband. Never cut him with your words. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This doesn't mean you can't express how you feel. You can and you should. But never put him down in order to make your point or in an effort to get revenge. Never intentionally accuse him or berate him. VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

* Encourage him.

* Appreciate him and tell him often how much. Determine his best qualities and praise him in those areas.

* Sex...you knew it would come up eventually. Ladies, men NEED it!!!! Never withhold sex as a means of revenge or payback...it's just plain selfish to do so. Believe me, there was a time I was highly selfish in this area.

* Never berate your husband to your children. They need the security of knowing you love their father. Also remember you are modeling to your daughters what a wife should look like. If you nag your husband, they will learn this behavior and most likely will someday nag theirs. Husbands (if there are any out there that have read this far) remember you are modeling to your sons what a Godly husband looks like. Dads to girls you are modeling what a husband looks like to your daughters...treat them like royalty and they won't settle for second best, selling themselves short. Behavior is learned, not taught...what are your actions teaching?

* Never go to bed angry. Seek reconciliation first. Even if you are right (or think you are right:) in an argument or disagreement be the first to bridge the gap. It's just not worth it to let anger fester into bitterness.

* Don't be afraid to say you are wrong when you are wrong. Pride does nothing but build a wall between you and the one you love.

* Put your marriage before your children. Time with your spouse is priority. It is challenging when the children are young, but it will pay in dividends in the long haul. Make it happen!

* Forgive quickly, don't harbor unforgiveness in your heart for lengthy periods of time.


Lengthy list, I am sure you can add to it and make it your own. Since I'm a wife I am primarily talking to wives, but husbands can glean from these principles as well!

It might be a good time to add I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and our marriage is not perfect. However, we are honestly more in love and more connected now then in all our 18 years of marriage. I give God all the glory, but I also want to brag on my man a bit.

Russell Dover has a servant's heart the size of Texas. He serves naturally, it is second nature to him. He sees dishes in the sink, he washes them. Load of laundry in the basket, he folds it. When our girls were babies he changed many dirty diapers. I could write an entire post on how he serves me and the girls, but I want you to still like me and that might provoke a good dose of envy:)

He has always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. When I have a dream, he does everything in his ability to see it come to life. Making me happy, makes him happy. As I grow and mature in my love for Jesus, and my husband, I live to return this happiness to him. He can accomplish whatever he sets his mind to accomplish and I have a part in that by encouraging him and believing in him.

In the seminar Mark made a statement that most affairs don't begin for sexual reasons, they begin for emotional ones. As wives if we aren't believing in our husbands, being their number one cheerleader, someone else might come in and fill that role. So, get out your pom-poms and 2-4-6-8 who do you appreciate? Your hubby!

Russell makes me feel safe. Ultimately I know my defender and protector is God, but it sure is nice having a husband who models God to me here on earth. When my world seems to be in chaos, Russell helps me put situations into perspective...he keeps me balanced. We are a team.

If you have read this and thought to yourself, well that's just peachy for her, but I don't have this kind of marriage...I want to encourage you that you can. Where to start? Start at the beginning, work on you. While you are working on you love, love, love your man. Die to self and do for him sacrificially. If you wait on him to start the process you might be waiting a very long time.

I Peter 3:1 talks about how wives are to win over their husbands. The context is winning over an unbelieving husband, but the same principle applies to winning over husbands in general. When I started making changes I didn't announce to Russell, "today, you have a new wife. I've decided to turn from being negative and critical to loving and encouraging." No, he would have to see it to believe, so I started walking it out in front of him, winning him over without words. Ladies, I have to tell you, it didn't take long for him to notice or respond.

I don't share our marriage with you to discourage you or make you envious. I share our story to impart hope. Nothing is impossible for God. No marriage is too far gone He can't restore it and redeem it. Perhaps your marriage is good, but you desire it to be magnificent...what are you waiting for? The God of all creation can take you from mediocre to magnificent, ask Him to show you the way!

Spending a lifetime with my terrific hubby, growing in love and grace together surely does make My Soul Sing!

Priorities and My Life

I just wanted to pop in and say hi to all my blog friends! I usually try to post 2-3 times a week, but this week it just didn't happen.

My excuse for not starting a blog earlier was I felt it would pressure me too much. My old people pleaser traits try to rear their ugly heads from time to time. So, when I began this blog I made a commitment to put my time with God first, then hubby, children, friends and outside ministry (in that order.)

I say "outside ministry" meaning ministry outside of my home. As a mother and wife, my first ministry is to my family...those of you with small children it's okay if they are your ONLY ministry for this season of life.

Jesus said "If anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because He is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward." (Matthew 10:42) Moms, have you given your child something to eat or drink today? If so, you have served Jesus by serving your (His)children. I would also like to add, as a mom you are an invaluable asset in the kingdom of God. You are sowing into a future generation of revivalists, leaders and kingdom warriors!

This truth took me awhile to grasp. I felt I had to be serving in the "church," and so I said yes to everything and way over committed myself. My relationship with God and my family suffered for it.

My Soul Sings falls into the category of outside ministry, so it's the first thing to go when the other priorities are calling to me.

This weekend I have enjoyed time with my daughters and my hubby. I did some rubber stamping (it's a craft thing, for those of you wondering) with my 10 year old this afternoon. She made a comment that so touched my heart I shared it on my Facebook and I plan to blog about it this coming week. Children are capable of imparting some great wisdom, and that was surely the case with her sweet remark.

As you have read this I hope it has encouraged you to think about where your priorities are. It's good to make sure they are in check from time to time...because it doesn't take much for them to go askew. I don't usually realize this has happened until something suffers.

If I haven't had my alone time with Jesus I start to feel completely separated from Him. Instead of talking with Him throughout my day, I feel He isn't there...but really, it's me that has left, because He doesn't go anywhere:)

When I've not spent enough time with my husband we are more prone to arguments. Same goes with my girls, if their love tanks aren't full there will be more disobedience, disrespect and overall mood changes. I think you get the point.

It's not a coincidence when I've spent time with Jesus the rest of my relationships seem to run more smoothly. I contribute this to my heart being in the right place, connected and focused on the Giver of Life...I am, in turn, able to give life and love to others...which has become one of my core values. I want to give, love, minister and serve from the overflow and abundance God has given me, otherwise someone will get shorted because it is a fleshly effort, not empowered by the Spirit of God.

Wow, to have come here just to say hi, I sure did ramble! Apparently the Holy Spirit had something to say through all this! I pray a blessing over your week. May it be full of love and time in His presence so you can ooze His love on those you love most...because His presence always makes My Soul Sing!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

I thought with Valentine's Day coming up it would be applicable to write another post on LOVE. Everywhere I turn from my own personal quiet time with the Lord, to music, church and in conversations with others the Lord keeps highlighting a theme to me...LOVE. Not sappy teenage puppy love, but real love...the love of Christ. The kind of love that dies to self. The kind of love placing others first, no matter what they have or have not done to deserve it.

Jesus commands us to love in John 15:12, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." Now before you go thinking to yourself this is an impossibly tall order to fill, to love as Jesus does...remember if it were impossible He wouldn't have commanded it. But, like many issues I write about, to fulfill this commandment will require you to be in relationship with the Source of perfect love...Jesus.

The command to love one another as Christ loves us can NOT be done out of self-effort. Do I need to repeat that? I thought so. You can NOT love as Christ loves out of determination, will or self-effort. To love as Christ will require a secure relational connection between you and the One who is Love. Only when you truly accept the love of Christ will you be able to effectively love others with the same love.

I addressed this concept of love in several of my parenting posts. If you aren't a parent and you skipped over the parenting series you might want to give reading them a chance...yes, they are focused on parenting, but the skills taught in the Loving On Purpose model can be applied to any relationship...not just parent/child. You can start the series here. After you finish reading this post, of course:)

What is this love I keep referencing? It is beautifully defined in I Corinthians 13:4-8:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I John 4:8 tells us God is love. So I want to take the above passage of scripture and replace the word "love" with God. I've done this before in an article I have written and it makes this passage come even more alive for me. It also reveals to us the true character of God.

"God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. God is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails."

There have been seasons in my life where I needed to hear one or more of these character traits of God. When I've walked through seasons of fear (which has been much of my life) I needed to hear and know God always protects. When sin in my life seems so great I feel it may swallow me whole and I don't feel worthy to be called a daughter of the King, I need to know He is not keeping a record of my wrongs. But out of all these revelations what I needed to know most is God is not easily angered. I had a wrong image of Father God for years. I saw Him as Abraham Lincoln's monument in Washington, DC...stone, hard, cold, frowning and unapproachable...like He was mad at me and everyone else for that matter. As I studied the scriptures and encountered Papa God for the first time I realized this image I had in my mind wasn't accurate at all. I hope to share these encounters with you soon.

I digress, shocking (picture sarcastic smile here)...by now you are probably getting use to my posts taking turns down rabbit trails:) So back to loving like Christ...

As I shared in one of the parenting posts I have been guilty of loving conditionally. I have loved when it's been convenient for me, when there's something for me in return...and I have withheld love when I'm angry at someone. This is not real love, certainly not how Christ loves us and is further evidence perfect love doesn't come from our strength. If you are reading this and are feeling conviction, Holy Spirit is speaking to you. Simply turn to the Father and repent, accept His sweet forgiveness and ask Him to show you how to love others unconditionally.

On the other hand, if you are reading this and are feeling condemnation, that is the voice of the enemy. Satan would like to keep you in a place of condemnation so you are paralyzed and not able to move forward in the way God wants. Take this lie captive, replace it with God's truth found in Romans 8:1. You have a choice...there were and are two trees in the garden...choose the tree of life.

If you have chosen the tree of life I have a challenge to pose to you. Purpose this week to love the unlovable...the person driving the car who cuts you off, your cranky toddler, your fussy newborn, your rebellious teenager, your wayward spouse, your emotionally abusive spouse, the father who left you and your mother when you were a child, the rude sales clerk, the person on the side of the street begging for money...I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

I believe LOVE is the most powerful weapon we have. Love displaces fear and allows the power of God to flow through people. I want to close with telling you of a movie called, "Furious Love." The director's purpose in making this film was to test the love of God. To take the love of God into the darkest areas of the world to see if it would prevail. I have seen this movie. I was left almost speechless afterwards. All I could say was "WOW, PRAISE GOD!"

If you are interested in seeing "Furious Love" the website has a list of locations where it's being shown. If you are in the Chattanooga area I can provide you with a venue here locally. To watch the preview click here.

Although the movie is about the powers of darkness, it's focus is not. The focus of "Furious Love" is the power of God to overcome the darkness.

Spiritual forces of evil are real (see Ephesians 6:10-20 and II Corinthians 10:3-6.) Keeping your head in the sand does nothing to advance the Kingdom of God here on earth. I have been clothed with the full armor of God and can love without fear and this is why my soul sings!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! It's a WRAP!

Here we are at the end of our parenting series. I trust the Holy Spirit has taught you something:) As we journey through parenting the Lord promises to give us all the wisdom we need. We simply have to ask Him for it (James 1:5) Not just in parenting, but in life, He is the source of wisdom.

I am by no stretch of the imagination a parenting expert. I do not claim to have all the answers. I am much like the rest of you reading these posts...I was in search of something better, something healthier and something that would work. True to His nature God was there to answer my cries for help. I'd like to share two verses attesting to this truth.

Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Matthew 7:8 "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

God is certainly not hiding from us. He is not playing hard to get. He is waiting for us to come to Him. When I decided I couldn't parent without His divine aid I ran to Him and pleaded for help. I knew what we were doing was not working...I was tired, frustrated and wishing the days and months away. Just getting from one day to the next was my goal. I wasn't living an abundant life. There had to be a more excellent way. I desired to raise children who loved the Lord with all their hearts. Children who knew the love of the Father because it had been modeled to them through their earthly parents.

God heard my cries and I fully believe He led me to "Loving Our Kids on Purpose." When I first read the book about a year ago I knew it was something I wanted to share with others. So much so I went and spent almost $200 on books and the DVD teaching series. It wasn't until hearing Danny speak in person I fully grasped these principles and the fire from last year was re-kindled. I knew I couldn't keep this knowledge to myself...I had to share it with anyone who would listen (or in this case, read:)...from this passion "Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It" was birthed.

There are other areas I feel much more "equipped" to address, so to write a parenting series was definitely a leap of faith, a most humbling experience and act of God. I thank Him and praise Him for using me as His mouthpiece.

Where do we go from here? I can't answer for you, but I have shared through these posts what it has looked like for me. This past Monday my teenager was out of school, but my 10 year old was not. I was able to spend the day with Rachel, just the two of us. The Lord had told me I would need to eventually go to Rachel and ask for her forgiveness...then He provided the perfect opportunity to do so.

This was a tender and sacred moment for me, but I feel He is asking me to share it with you. I said, "Rachel, mom needs to talk with you a minute and it's really serious." She looked at me with wide eyes thinking she was in trouble...I had her attention so I simply said, "baby, I need to ask you to forgive me for all the ways I have misrepresented Jesus to you. I haven't always loved you the way you needed to be loved. I have lost my temper and yelled. I was afraid and tried to control you. This isn't Jesus. Jesus loves you so very much and is very patient with you. Will you forgive me for this? You probably have already seen things changing around our house. Things are going to continue to change. Jesus is showing us a better way. I love you very much and want only the best for you and your sister." She simply smiled at me and said, "I forgive you."

Even though I had started to implement LOKP methods I had yet to eat the big slice of humble pie I knew was necessary before proceeding further. I had apologized to both girls for particular incidences as they had occurred, but I hadn't swallowed the "big one." Repenting of past mistakes before the Lord and then before those you have hurt is a major step toward walking in an environment of honor. Ask the Lord to show you what this looks like for you...your experience will be different from mine.

I want to leave you with several questions to ponder.

• Are you scared of your children's sin? (Scared people want to have control.)
• Do you believe there is greatness in your children? Ask the Lord to show you how to call it to the surface.
• Is your parenting style reflective of heaven?
• Do your children see Jesus in you?

It is my prayer you have seen the redemptive side of Christ in my story and please know He desires to lavish you with the same redemption. There is nothing impossible for Him and through Him you can parent like Father God!

In closing let's read the famous scripture on love from I Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures though every circumstance." (NLT)

My Soul Sings because my God is love and through Him I can love on purpose!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Five

In the last post we learned how to use LOKP one liners. Danny Silk teaches many different methods in his book and in the DVD teaching series we will use in our workshop on March 20th. I am not going to cover all of them...again, I encourage you to either purchase the book and/or, if possible, attend the workshop. The workshop will be invaluable in explaining these new parenting methods by using real life illustrations. Again, my blog posts are just highlights from the tools taught in the many LOKP resources. To see the LOKP language illustrated in comic strip style click here . Exploring these resources will strengthen your understanding of the loving on purpose method.

I do want to highlight one more LOKP technique before wrapping up this series. This technique is called "Fun or Room." Fun or Room takes the concept of time out to a whole new level. Fun or Room is saying to your child, "I require something from you in the relationship."

In my opinion, "Fun or Room" works well with toddlers through early elementary(although I successfully used it when my daughter was 9.) It teaches the child there are requirements and needs of others to consider in relationship. It also teaches self-control. In other words, it is not all about them...this will be a shocking discovery for them, I know:)

Let's set up the scene: Your toddler is not happy and begins to throw a fit, complete with loud shrills to thunderous roars of rage. They plop themselves down on the floor and refuse to budge, Cheerio spittle coming from their mouth...they are mad and they want their way! As a parent you can either concede to their demands, lose your temper or spank their bottoms until they burn (producing more shrills) or you can peacefully put them in their room until they can be "fun to be with."

The last option allows them time to consider the consequences of their behavior, gives them a choice and your blood pressure remains at a healthy level:) Win, win for all. How do we implement "fun or room?"

• Child: Throwing tantrum
• Parent: "Fun or room?" If the child continues to scream you take this as their decision and tell them to go to their room and remain there until they can be "fun to be with."
• Child: Refuses to go to room of their own accord.
• Parent: Pick up child and place them in their room. If the child comes out, put them back in, explaining each time (in a calm voice) they can come out when they are ready to be "fun to be with."

If you consistently apply this method your child (because they are little geniuses) will realize it is much better to be "fun" than to spend time alone in their room. They will also see their choice in the situation. Danny gives testimony of children deciding for themselves they need "room time," placing themselves in their room until they can maintain self-control.

I love this method and have used it a couple of times with my younger daughter. After giving her the choice of "fun" or "room" she has chosen room. While she went to her room to work out her emotions, I was able to maintain peace and go about my day without entering into a debate contest with her. Just in case you haven't realized it yet, reasoning with children does NOT work! Presenting your case like an attorney, no matter how airtight it is, will NOT work with your child! Trust me, I've tried it:)

When your child decides they are ready to be fun, they are able to rejoin the family without mention of their earlier behavior. "Fun or room" is just another way of teaching them responsibility for their behavior and presenting them with choices which empower them to succeed both now and later in life.

Now, on to the subject of SPANKING! How many of you would admit this has been the question on your mind from the beginning of this series? I will admit when I read the book it was at the top of my list of questions. I thought to myself, "what about spare the rod, spoil the child?" This phrase has wrongly be associated with Proverbs 13:24 which says, "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them."

Confession time...typing this makes me cringe...I actually would read this scripture to my older daughter before spanking her when she was younger. In an angry voice I would say to her, "Mommy is spanking you because it is what Jesus says to do if I love you." Isn't that just super...I misrepresented Jesus to her at an early age and this is a form of spiritual abuse. Did you know in all the gospels there isn't one instance of Jesus laying a finger on anyone? Even when He displayed righteous anger as He turned over the tables in front of the temple He never struck anyone...interesting...and something you don't often hear taught in traditional churches. If you have an image of an angry Jesus, or Father God for that matter, squashing people like grapes with His wrath I urge you to reconsider. Jesus said, "let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."(Matthew 19:14)

This is an area where we could get into a theological debate and I stated at this blogs beginning I would not get into doctrinal debates. If this issue is of importance to you I encourage you to research it. I did for myself. I discovered Bible scholars differ on their interpretation of "the rod" and "a rod" when used in scripture. If you hang around My Soul Sings often you will hear me urge you to let the Holy Spirit be your ultimate Teacher. (In fact, I plan to write on this topic soon.) After I researched the Biblical meaning of rod I took my findings to the Holy Spirit in prayer. My conclusion coincides with the teaching found in LOKP.

Is spanking wrong? No. Is spanking the primary means of discipline? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Are there incidents where spanking is the most appropriate means of discipline? Yes.

I don't know your stance on the issue of spanking, but I can honestly say there is NOT one time my husband or I have spanked that is has been done without anger in our heart. When we have spanked in the past it has been done out of anger and frustration, out of our desire to prove we were in control. I can tell you one thing for sure this is not a Biblical form of spanking...this is not righteous anger, but just plain ugly anger...sinful anger. Anger I have since repented of. Fortunately for our girls spanking is not a method we have used often, nor have we used it once since discovering LOKP. LOKP has presented us with so many alternatives that are teaching our children valuable life lessons, spanking has not been necessary.

I love how Danny described the tool of spanking in the workshop we attended. He said, "spanking is a very small tool in a very large tool box." When spanking is employed it is to be done so out of love. It is to help them gain self-control, not as a means to control them by using fear. Remember our key verse? I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

For those of you thinking to yourselves, "my mama and daddy whipped my butt and I turned out just fine. It's what is wrong with kids today, they need to be whipped too!" Yes, we did turn out okay (most of us)...but I believe there is an even better way, a Kingdom of God way. In our final post I will talk about this "way" and why I feel it is far superior to all other models. Kingdom parenting is parenting from heaven's perspective..."on earth as it is in heaven" and, sweet Jesus, this makes my soul sing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Four

In my last post I addressed how we must first deal with issues in our own hearts in order to receive love and love unconditionally. We talked about the goal of relationship is to protect the other person's heart. Restoration and reconciliation are critical in the mending of broken connections. Identifying your child's love language and then learning to speak it is also vital in successful parenting. We are discovering just how powerful our decision to love on purpose is because... Love covers a multitude of sin (I Peter 4:8) and love casts out fear (I John 4:18.)

Now that we have covered most of the basics in Loving on Purpose let me introduce you to some of the (LOKP) language:) But first I want to add a disclaimer...the purpose of these posts has been to introduce you to parenting from the new covenant. I have written about my own journey to LOKP. It is not my intent to replace the need for you to read the book (Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk) or, if given the opportunity, to attend a LOKP workshop. If you only read these posts it would be like reading the Cliff Notes to Macbeth in high school literature class...you'll get the overall theme, but you will miss the real beauty of the classic Shakespearean tale.

On to the language....

One Liners that will save your life; or, at the very least, your sanity! Learn these, write them on your bathroom mirror in lipstick, tattoo them on your arm, write them on index cards and tape them to your refrigerator...whatever it takes to get them to naturally role off your tongue in moments that might very well otherwise take you to the brink of breakdown. Have I stressed this clearly enough? Good, I thought so...without further hoopla the LOKP one liners are:

• "I KNOW"
• "PROBABLY SO"
• "THAT COULD BE"
• "I DON'T KNOW"
• "NICE TRY"

These responses allow you to keep your sanity no matter what your child is choosing to do. When your child is pushing your button (and all parents have one) you can either choose to enter in a debate with them or a screaming contest...asserting your "control" as the parent (because I'm the parent and I said so!) or you can remain calm and respond to them using these simple one liners.

Danny writes in LOKP, "the day your child discovers that disrespect, dishonor and irresponsible behavior doesn't control your emotional state, they will quit using them." I can testify this statement is TRUE!

I have employed the use of the one liners sporadically since reading the book. Since attending the workshop I have used them more consistently. My girls are already on to them! When they realize you aren't going to enter into their emotional mess they give up!

An example of a conversation using the one liners might go like this.

Child: "My life is ruined!" (said through tears)

Parent: "That could be." (said with complete calm)

Child: "What? Are you crazy? You're agreeing that my life is ruined?"

Parent: "Probably so."

Child: "No body has a life as awful as mine!"

Parent: "I know."

Child: "What? You know! Why aren't you giving me a lecture right now?"

Parent: "I don't know."

Child: "Whatever!" (stomps off to room out of frustration and failure to push your button)

See how it works? Trust me, it's that simple. Confession time...I have looked forward to opportunities to use the one liners...it's so much fun! I'm probably not going to have to use them much longer. They are already giving up on trying to push my button because I have consistently responded with these and maintained my self-control...which incidentally is teaching them what it looks like to maintain theirs.

Unfortunately, it's not always looked this way at our house. There have been times I was so ignited by their rebellion, manipulation or disrespect that after yelling back at them and issuing all sorts of consequences/punishments I would have to remove myself to my bedroom where I would be so enraged I would hit my mattress. I am not an overall angry person, but I have my limits:) I realized after reading LOKP I was exuding behavior no different than theirs! As parents we are the ones modeling to them self-control, honor and respect! How can we expect our children to give out more respect than they see us exhibit? OUCH!

I encourage you to try the one-liners this week. I would love to hear how they work for you. Share your stories in the comments section. Testifying how it works for you might be the encouragement someone reading this needs to hear!

In the next post we will discuss more LOKP language and answer the question you've all been dying to ask....WHAT ABOUT SPANKING?

Basking in peace, exercising self-control and training my children to manage their freedom really does make my soul sing!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Three

In the last post we took a little detour. I discussed how we must first learn to receive the Father's love before we can give it away to our children and others in our lives. Long before I read the book "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" (LOKP) I had come to realize to be the best parent I could be I would need to address issues in my heart. My focus went from how I could "fix"my girls (and for that matter, my husband:) into addressing wounded areas of MY heart. Until I could receive the Father's love I would not be able to love others unconditionally.


I believe our God is so big we could walk in a new level of understanding of His love everyday for the rest of our lives and still not fully grasp how great His love for us until we see Him face to face. I love the quote, "if we could fully understand and explain God He wouldn't be big enough for us to worship."

I now embrace the Father's love for me. Each day I grow in the knowledge and experience of His love. I have broken agreement with the lies the enemy whispered into my ear saying I was unworthy and not good enough. With the help of Holy Spirit I have replaced thoughts of self-hatred and self-rejection with His thoughts of me, taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ (II Corinthians 10:5.) Because, trust me, the negative thoughts try at times to come back and many times I entertain them awhile before casting them down.


When Jesus was speaking to the disciples about the promise of the Holy Spirit He said in John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." Danny Silk in his LOKP workshop said something to this effect, "We will see the strength of our love in the connection that we live through." This is true of our relationship with Father God and walking out life and it's also true in a parent/child relationship.


So if you've been wondering where to start with loving your kid on purpose this is where I suggest you start...work to restore and reconcile broken connections with them. Our goal as parents should be to protect and preserve the relationship. Are we communicating unconditional love to our children? Unconditional love means nothing can separate you from my love.


I personally found my relationship with my teenager needed more reconciliation than my relationship with my 10 year old did. Teens naturally start to pull away from us in order to discover who they are. At first my efforts to "woo" were not received by her. Just as Christ woos us sometimes for years before we accept His love. He never gives up and neither should we. She eventually accepted my pursuit of her (because love is irresistible) and our relationship has gotten stronger.


In order to love our children, and anyone in our lives for that matter, it is essential to discover what their love language is. Gary Chapman developed the Five Love Languages and has written several books about them.

The 5 love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. There are tests available online that will help in determining your love language. But a simple way to discover your child's language(s) is to simply ask them, "how do you know mama loves you?" When I did this when my girls were younger their response quickly indicated their love language to me and I've tried to speak it ever since.


It's almost guaranteed a person with a low or empty love tank will experience more behavioral issues. Remember our focus is to protect the heart to heart connection with our child. When having to address difficult issues or confront your child with an area of sin it is vital that their love tank be full because by confrontation or correction you will be taking a massive withdrawal from it.


When I first heard this taught I realized I had been taking huge withdrawals and rarely making deposits....and, as if that wasn't bad enough, I had withheld love when things weren't going my way.


You could also look at this in the context of other relationships you have. How do you feel when someone you don't have a very strong relationship with confronts you with something you have done wrong? Do you receive it well or do you take offense? What about your spouse? When life gets hectic and you feel less connected to your spouse and something negative is said...how does it feel?

If my love tank isn't full I feel empty inside. One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so negative words effect me greatly...especially if I don't feel connected (heart to heart) to the person speaking them. A heart to heart connection values the person and correction can be done out of love.

My challenge to you would be to make an effort to love those around you by speaking their language...so next time you need to make a "withdrawal" it won't bring as much separation in your relationship. Purposing to make more deposits than withdrawals into their love tanks would be an excellent goal. Now, if only we could make more deposits than withdrawals in our actual bank accounts:)

Learning to protect my heart to heart connections with my spouse, children and friends makes my soul sing!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Two

If you read my previous post on Parenting you probably have a list of questions. I will continue to share my journey to "Loving on Purpose" hopefully answering some of those questions. I also encourage you to take your questions to Jesus. He loves to answer your questions...and He knows ALL the answers:)


Let's start by looking again at one of our key scriptures. You might want to commit this one to memory.


I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."


Punishment does NOT teach love, it teaches self-preservation. In the book (LOKP) Danny uses the illustration of speeding down the highway. You see a police car and all of sudden slow down and start praying you don't get pulled over....then a car behind you continues to speed and flies by you because they didn't see the cop. The police then turns on their lights and goes chasing the other car and you think to yourself, "yeah, go get him, deserves 'um right for driving so fast." Does the fact you could have been pulled over prevent you from speeding in the future? No. What emotion do you experience when you realize you're about to get caught in this situation? Self-preservation? Probably so.

Let's define punishment. According to dictionary.com punishment is the act of punishing, being punished, as for an offense or fault. A penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc., severe handling or treatment.

God does not punish, He disciplines...big difference. Vine's dictionary defines discipline as saving the mind, primarily, an admonishing or calling to soundness of mind or to self-control. Sounds like managing freedom to me, by the fruit of the Spirit, self-control. Jesus fulfilled the need for punishment by His death on the cross. He took our punishment for us!

God also corrects, but He does so from a relationship with the Holy Spirit within us. We will address correction and rebuke in a later post. It is always to be done from a securely connected place of relationship, so it builds up, not tears down. Remember God is the Redeemer and Restorer. He is in the business of putting things back together, not tearing them apart.


Unfortunately many of us have walked through our Christian life believing God punishes us. Until we realize God is good, we can not grasp just how much He loves us. If you follow the life of Jesus in the gospels you will see just how loving He is. Jesus said, "if you've seen Me, you've seen My Father." Not once did Jesus punish someone for their sin. The woman caught in adultery in John 8 is a perfect example of how Jesus reacted to sin.


Remember in processing this concept keep in mind your relationship to Father God and how He handles your sin. He isn't in the business of controlling us to keep us from sin. Remember there were two trees in the garden, we have a choice. He certainly isn't afraid of our sin either. Does sin have consequences? Always...if not immediately, then eventually. Freedom allows us to build our own prison...yeah, think about that one!


Does this mean I allow my children to run rampant? No. As a parent we are there to train them in managing their freedom and it can start as early as toddlerhood! Healthy boundaries are good, you would never knowingly expose your child to danger. If you want to know more about this I recommend reading the book, which is available on Amazon.com.


How do we teach them to manage freedom? First, we let them make mistakes. Then we empower them to find a solution to their problem. Empowering them to be problem solvers is a life skill which will prove invaluable to them as adults. It also allows them to feel the consequences of their poor choice. When we swoop in and clean up their messes all they learn is co-dependence. I say co-dependence because it has been my observation that parents who are always fixing things for their children also find identity in it. They might complain about having to do it, but secretly they wouldn't have it any other way, because it gives them purpose. To suggest to them to allow their children to fall flat on their face is insulting and perceived by them as unloving.


I have certainly cleaned up my share of messes for my girls, not so much out of co-dependence, but guilt. I would feel guilty if I didn't fill the role of "rescuer." I also felt it made me a bad mother if I didn't....and, in all honesty, sometimes it's just easier to clean it up myself. In truth I am robbing my girls of the opportunity to learn how to problem solve...and, by taking the easy way out, I'm guilty of laziness. There's my confession for this post...of course, you knew there would be one:)


Have you ever felt like you were walking a tightrope when it comes to keeping the "rules?" I certainly have most of my life. Then I realized how far and how wide God's grace to us extends. Then I came into an even greater revelation of His love. I realized God loves me as much as He loves His Son, Jesus (John 17:23) isn't that amazing? It was then I found myself wanting to live a life honoring to Him, because it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4), not the fear of punishment!!!! If we are being motivated by the fear of punishment it's a sure sign we haven't allowed His love to penetrate our hearts!


Once I realized these truths, I not only felt the love of God, I was freed from many habitual sin patterns I had failed to overcome by keeping the "rules." Then I allowed God to teach me about managing my freedom. Honestly I have walked in great victory since...not perfection, not without sin, but victorious and consistently moving forward! Realizing you are no longer a slave to sin will enable you to walk with your head held high in confidence of His great love for you.

Are you ready to get off the tightrope of life? Are you ready to allow your children to come off the tightrope you've forced them to walk? I am!

Until our next post remember the best way to gage if you are parenting from the new covenant is to continuously look to Father God's model of parenting you. He is the perfect parent.

I am hoping to hear my children testify one day, "I knew the heart of Father God, because it was modeled to me by my parents." "If you've seen me, you've seen My Father." Can our children say that about us? Do we represent our Father well? By the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I can and this is why my soul sings!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part One

This will be part one of several posts. These posts will be focused on parenting, but ultimately this method can be applied to all relationships, not just parent/child because it is based on kingdom relationship principles.


Russell and I had the privilege of attending a Loving Our Kids on Purpose workshop this past weekend. I had previously devoured the book, "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" by Danny Silk and had even put into practice some of the techniques explained in the book. You can check out the Loving On Purpose website. LOKP is parenting from the new covenant. Danny has incorporated concepts from Love and Logic with Biblical principles. Love and Logic was originally designed for foster parents and has become a popular approach for traditional families.

The new covenant deals with us (believers) from the inside out, through the Holy Spirit. The old covenant goal was about keeping the law. Between the old and new covenant the goal changed from obedience and compliance to protecting an intimate relationship through a love connection.


Most parenting models today (even more so in Christian homes) view successful parenting as producing compliant, obedient, respectful children who make good grades in school and stay out of trouble. I am now seeing we have completely missed the point.


Let's get a little personal...I have parented from the old covenant up until this point. I also have parented from fear...absolute fear of my girls making the same mistakes I made. I made some really poor choices as a teenager. As a mom I certainly want better for my girls...so, what did I do? I tried to control them as much as possible into making the choices I thought were best for them. My control took away their right to freedom. II Corinthians 3:17 says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." One of our parenting goals is to teach our children how to manage their freedom. We will discuss this in a future post.


I realized after reading LOKP our job as parents is to love, train, equip and encourage our children....not to control them to look like us...OUCH! I was motivated by fear and therefore needed to control, which was only teaching them to yield to my control out of their fear of me.


II Timothy 1:7 tells us God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but love, power and self-discipline.


I John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."


Love and fear are mortal enemies. Love and fear can not live in the same place. They displace each other. Think on these truths for a moment....I'll wait....


What do you fear when it comes to parenting? My answer would be my children making poor choices that might hurt them and...this is really hard to admit...I fear they will embarrass me with poor behavior. Is how they act, dress, talk, etc. a reflection of me as a parent....the answer is NO...but society and especially the church has told us a different story.


Okay, if you're having a hard time digesting the last statement let me help you a little. Do you think God is a good parent? If we are reflections of His parenting style how do you think we reflect Him? How did Adam and Eve reflect Him? Granted, sometimes we are a good reflection of Him...but many times we are not. Does this make God a bad parent? Of course not! How would unbelievers answer that question about us? Sadly many of them think we are hypocrites and have written off our God because of how we have poorly represented Him. We have done a poor job of managing our freedom, huh?


The bottom line is we do not control our children, just as God doesn't control us. There were and are two trees in the garden. We have free will. Our children's choices are just that, their choices. When we take on the burden of taking responsibility for their poor choices we are only enabling them to continue making them.


What have I learned this far?

1. I can not fear my children making poor choices.

2. I am to parent from a love relationship, not a dictatorial one.

3. My children's behavior and poor choices do not reflect on me as a parent in God's eyes (although it probably does in the eyes of man, but I desire to please God, not man.)

4. For the benefit of my girls I have to lay down the need to look like the perfect parent to others. Accepting the fact my girls and I will fail at times. How we choose to respond to those failures is the reflection of who we are and Whose we are.

If you are interested in exploring parenting from the new covenant I suggest you pray about what I've written so far. I know you probably have many questions...I sure did. I invite you to explore the LOKP website. There are Q & A forums on there. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I will either answer them or tell you if I don't have the answer:) One of my first questions was, "but what about spanking?" We will address this! LOKP is not anti spanking, but the perspective is quite different than the one I previously held.

A question I use to gage rather or not I'm parenting from the old or new covenant is this, "How would Father God respond to this issue?" This question has helped me numerous times check my heart and sometimes it has meant me going to my girls and saying I'm sorry for my reaction to them and their behavior. Their response has been amazing! My 13 yr. old and I have a better relationship than we have ever had. She is talking to me and sharing her heart with me like never before!

Undergoing this paradigm shift in the parenting department has been an easier concept to grasp in my mind than it has in real life. It's hard to change your way of doing things, but with God it isn't impossible...and it's also NEVER too late! Just another way I have experienced the redemptive nature of my Daddy and this is why my soul sings!

Highlighted Song-It Ain't Easy

Music...I absolutely LOVE it! I've always liked music. I grew up listening to a wide variety of styles. I have an appreciation for big band, the golden oldies,
80's rock, bluegrass and country (having been backstage at the Grand Ole Opry in high school) and, of course, southern gospel (which, by the way is my absolute least favorite...sorry:)

Over the past few years I have listened mainly to Christian music and even more specific in the last year, Spirit filled worship music. I confess I am not a radio listener (big gasp, being raised with a radio dad I am thankful for the industry that paid for my housing, food and clothing, but I'm just not a fan of what is predominantly played on Christian radio stations. There is so much more out there, undiscovered.)

On this blog I have compiled a lengthy playlist of some of my favorites...there are many more I would consider to be favorites, but they weren't available on the playlist. I know not everyone will like the style of music I do and I'm not at all offended if when you visit My Soul Sings you choose to pause the playlist or turn down your speakers. However today's post is going to highlight one of the songs because, quite frankly, I can't get the lyrics out of my head. This song, with it's simple message, has rocked me.

During the last part of 2009 the Lord really started speaking to me about love. Real love...His love and the way He loves and how we are commanded to love how Jesus loves. A tall order, yes...impossible, no. If it were impossible to love like Jesus He wouldn't have commanded us to do so.

So I decided my focus or theme for 2010 would be to learn to love like Jesus. I hope to write a follow up post to this one addressing this...if I don't within the next couple of weeks you have permission to remind me:)

I stumbled upon this song after being introduced to Jason Upton's music...I had heard some of his stuff, but hadn't really explored his offerings...now, I'm addicted. I believe he has recorded 13 albums...pretty good for someone who is relatively unknown.

Without further adieu I invite you to read the lyrics I have posted with this post and, if you like, listen to the song from my playlist. I have moved "It Ain't Easy" to the number 2 spot, so it will be easy to find. I pray as you listen Holy Spirit would touch your heart, prick it so to speak...may you be encouraged to start loving like Jesus and may this song become your prayer, as it has mine...He is willing to teach us to love like this, are you willing to learn?

I have learned in order to walk in the power that is within me I must be willing to be teachable...to give it all and expect nothing back...and this is why My Soul Sings.

It Ain't Easy by Jason Upton

I am learning to be a father but I really don’t know how
To be willing to care for others more than I love myself

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to love my neighbor and to live by the golden rule
But it’s so hard when I’ve been lied to
I feel like a fool forgiving a fool

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to be faithful with the little that I have
To do like Jesus and turn the tables
To give it all to get nothing back

It ain’t easy leaning to love like you