In the Shower with Jesus

Hopefully the title of this post doesn't offend anyone, because if truth be told; and you are a believer, you are IN CHRIST and there's no where you go that He doesn't;)  I had a shower epiphany this morning.  Now, you guys can count yourself blessed I don't share all my shower 'epiphanies' in blog posts.  The shower seems to be the place where He speaks to me the most often.  Occasionally, He will awaken me from sleep during the night, but I don't always get up and listen.  He knows me well; so, in the shower it is:)

This morning's insight was so seemingly random.  I suppose the timing might become clearer to me in the days to come, but if it doesn't, I'll just count it as an insight He wanted to show me 'just because.'  He can do that, ya know?  Just because He loves talking to us!

He took me back to the junior high lunch table and some remarks a boy a year older than me said to me, more than once.  The comments were rude, degrading, explicit, sexual and a direct assault on my physical body.

This wasn't a totally new memory for me to re-visit.  When I went through inner healing this memory surfaced and I forgave the boy for his disparaging remarks.  It's a healed memory; I can know this because the thought of it doesn't bring any pain.  It remains part of my history, but it no longer defines who I am.

As I was picturing the setting in my imagination the question struck me, "why did I continue to sit at lunch with this group of people?"  I honestly can't remember any of the other 'players,' just this one offensive (older) boy and his remarks to me.  I can only assume we had mutual friends, which placed us at the same table, because I know for certain there were no assigned seats.

It was like Jesus was showing me this picture, but He wasn't really saying anything about it.  This is when I realized I would not put myself in that situation currently.  I wouldn't continue to expose myself to someone who didn't respect me.  Would I be kind to them?  Yes.  Would I go out of my way to reach out to them?  In the words of my 16 year old, 'probs not.'  Would I sit at the lunch table with them?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I think Jesus wanted me to see how far I've come, from self-hatred and no value or respect for myself, to healthy boundaries with those who don't see me for who I really am.  From a victim mindset to one of an overcomer.

A victim doesn't see their worth.  They don't expect to be respected by others; because, quite frankly, they don't respect themselves.  I've said this many times, but it bears repeating...one sets the standard for which one can receive love/respect/honor.  To the degree you love/respect/honor yourself is the degree others will love, respect and honor you.

In the case of this boy at the lunch table, for years his remarks rang through my head and I believed them to be true.  In reality, they were quite false.  From his remarks I formed the belief of many other lies, escalating in depth from the one he spoke over me.  Do I blame him?  Nope.  You see, we choose what to believe.  Sure, as a young teenage girl I was more vulnerable to deception than I am now, but still, it was my choice.

Not really sure why I'm sharing this with you today.  It's always my prayer that what I share will bring hope to someone currently struggling with where I've been.  It's just another way I relish in trampling on the work of the enemy:)  What he (satan) meant for my harm and destruction, Papa God turned into a platform for me to share truth.  Oh, the redemption and restoration of my Papa God makes MY SOUL SING!

Do you love yourself?

Wow, this blogging hiatus has been so long, blogger has changed interfaces on me!

Wanted to pop on here and talk a little about loving yourself. Papa has really been talking to me lately about love, specifically His love. He has also been showing me His goodness.

The other night I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep because of the overwhelming sense of His goodness coming over me. Basking in His love and goodness rekindled a desire in my heart (which is from Him) to tell the world (or at least those reading this blog) about His love. We complicate the gospel, making it difficult. Actually, the gospel is so simple; Jesus said we are to come as children. Children don't see life through a complicated lens, do they? Children trust and have faith. Hmmm...something to ponder, eh?

Before a person can fully give love they have to know (experience) Love. Let's follow the progression of love. God loved us first (I Jn. 4:19.) We are told to love God first and foremost, with all are being (Mark 12:30.) We are told to love one another as we love ourself (Mark 12:31.)

A few months ago I purchased a graphic tee at Old Navy. On the front, in large letters, it says, "Love Yourself." When I wear it I can count on some strange looks. I can only imagine what people assume. Perhaps they think I am conceited, arrogant, or prideful. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is I really do love myself, but that hasn't always been the case.

Sometime in my early 30s I was faced with the reality I had a huge self-hatred issue. Circumstances in my life brought this ugly fact into the light and over the last decade I have been in the healing process. Self-hatred's tentacles are tight and run deep. I didn't just wake up one day and decide I was going to love myself. No, it was most assuredly a long, tedious, at times ugly process. It began with learning who Christ made me and progressed to a radical heart experience with my Papa's love for me.

I had to dig up and toss out bad theology, replacing it with His truth. Religion had taught me to believe I was no good...the wretch the song refers to...but I now realize it was a lie. Once you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and are on this side of the cross you are no longer a wretch or a sinner. Truth is, God sees you as He sees Jesus. As He is so are we in this world! See I John 4:17.

Jesus was serious when He said, "it is finished" on the cross. Everything was done on the cross, it is a finished work. Our only part is to choose to believe and confess Him as Lord!

Sadly, the majority of the body of Christ is walking around believing they are wretched sinners. They believe they are disappointing God. They struggle with the same sin time and again, cloaked in shame and desperation. I know because I was one of them.

Once I realized I wasn't destined to be a sinner my entire life, everything changed. I know now when I do sin I have an advocate with the Father (see I John 2:1.) I've heard it said the reason we need an advocate (an attorney so to speak) is because we have no reason to sin. In the NIV translation it says "if anybody does sin." If, not when...hmmmm???? We aren't going to dissect that one today;)

It's hard to put into words how powerful the love of God is. The point I am trying to make is His love changes everything, but first you have to receive. I'm not talking about salvation. I believe one can accept Christ as Savior and not really know His love. Knowing His love comes through an intimate relationship with Him.

Many people can't get to the knowing part because they can't get past the wretched sinner part. When you believe the lie you aren't worthy of His love because of sin or your past, it's next to impossible to receive it. Friend, I'm here to tell you, YOU ARE WORTHY! You are worthy because of the sacrifice Jesus made! IT IS FINISHED!!!!

Receive His love. He is waiting for you. Love yourself because you are made in His image. Love others from the overflow that comes from abiding in the love of the Father. It's beautiful! His love is life changing!

Papa, I thank You for Your goodness. I thank You for desiring a relationship with me. I thank You for the ability to enter into Your presence knowing I am clean, righteous, holy and fully loved...and I did nothing to earn it. I thank You for Your love. Your love is so safe and so empowering my desire to sin decreases. I thank You for forgiveness when I do fail. Thank You for Your kindness leading me to repentance. I thank You for loving me as much as You love Jesus! Papa, You make my soul sing and I thank You!