In the Shower with Jesus

Hopefully the title of this post doesn't offend anyone, because if truth be told; and you are a believer, you are IN CHRIST and there's no where you go that He doesn't;)  I had a shower epiphany this morning.  Now, you guys can count yourself blessed I don't share all my shower 'epiphanies' in blog posts.  The shower seems to be the place where He speaks to me the most often.  Occasionally, He will awaken me from sleep during the night, but I don't always get up and listen.  He knows me well; so, in the shower it is:)

This morning's insight was so seemingly random.  I suppose the timing might become clearer to me in the days to come, but if it doesn't, I'll just count it as an insight He wanted to show me 'just because.'  He can do that, ya know?  Just because He loves talking to us!

He took me back to the junior high lunch table and some remarks a boy a year older than me said to me, more than once.  The comments were rude, degrading, explicit, sexual and a direct assault on my physical body.

This wasn't a totally new memory for me to re-visit.  When I went through inner healing this memory surfaced and I forgave the boy for his disparaging remarks.  It's a healed memory; I can know this because the thought of it doesn't bring any pain.  It remains part of my history, but it no longer defines who I am.

As I was picturing the setting in my imagination the question struck me, "why did I continue to sit at lunch with this group of people?"  I honestly can't remember any of the other 'players,' just this one offensive (older) boy and his remarks to me.  I can only assume we had mutual friends, which placed us at the same table, because I know for certain there were no assigned seats.

It was like Jesus was showing me this picture, but He wasn't really saying anything about it.  This is when I realized I would not put myself in that situation currently.  I wouldn't continue to expose myself to someone who didn't respect me.  Would I be kind to them?  Yes.  Would I go out of my way to reach out to them?  In the words of my 16 year old, 'probs not.'  Would I sit at the lunch table with them?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I think Jesus wanted me to see how far I've come, from self-hatred and no value or respect for myself, to healthy boundaries with those who don't see me for who I really am.  From a victim mindset to one of an overcomer.

A victim doesn't see their worth.  They don't expect to be respected by others; because, quite frankly, they don't respect themselves.  I've said this many times, but it bears repeating...one sets the standard for which one can receive love/respect/honor.  To the degree you love/respect/honor yourself is the degree others will love, respect and honor you.

In the case of this boy at the lunch table, for years his remarks rang through my head and I believed them to be true.  In reality, they were quite false.  From his remarks I formed the belief of many other lies, escalating in depth from the one he spoke over me.  Do I blame him?  Nope.  You see, we choose what to believe.  Sure, as a young teenage girl I was more vulnerable to deception than I am now, but still, it was my choice.

Not really sure why I'm sharing this with you today.  It's always my prayer that what I share will bring hope to someone currently struggling with where I've been.  It's just another way I relish in trampling on the work of the enemy:)  What he (satan) meant for my harm and destruction, Papa God turned into a platform for me to share truth.  Oh, the redemption and restoration of my Papa God makes MY SOUL SING!