Hopefully the title of this post doesn't offend anyone, because if truth be told; and you are a believer, you are IN CHRIST and there's no where you go that He doesn't;) I had a shower epiphany this morning. Now, you guys can count yourself blessed I don't share all my shower 'epiphanies' in blog posts. The shower seems to be the place where He speaks to me the most often. Occasionally, He will awaken me from sleep during the night, but I don't always get up and listen. He knows me well; so, in the shower it is:)
This morning's insight was so seemingly random. I suppose the timing might become clearer to me in the days to come, but if it doesn't, I'll just count it as an insight He wanted to show me 'just because.' He can do that, ya know? Just because He loves talking to us!
He took me back to the junior high lunch table and some remarks a boy a year older than me said to me, more than once. The comments were rude, degrading, explicit, sexual and a direct assault on my physical body.
This wasn't a totally new memory for me to re-visit. When I went through inner healing this memory surfaced and I forgave the boy for his disparaging remarks. It's a healed memory; I can know this because the thought of it doesn't bring any pain. It remains part of my history, but it no longer defines who I am.
As I was picturing the setting in my imagination the question struck me, "why did I continue to sit at lunch with this group of people?" I honestly can't remember any of the other 'players,' just this one offensive (older) boy and his remarks to me. I can only assume we had mutual friends, which placed us at the same table, because I know for certain there were no assigned seats.
It was like Jesus was showing me this picture, but He wasn't really saying anything about it. This is when I realized I would not put myself in that situation currently. I wouldn't continue to expose myself to someone who didn't respect me. Would I be kind to them? Yes. Would I go out of my way to reach out to them? In the words of my 16 year old, 'probs not.' Would I sit at the lunch table with them? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I think Jesus wanted me to see how far I've come, from self-hatred and no value or respect for myself, to healthy boundaries with those who don't see me for who I really am. From a victim mindset to one of an overcomer.
A victim doesn't see their worth. They don't expect to be respected by others; because, quite frankly, they don't respect themselves. I've said this many times, but it bears repeating...one sets the standard for which one can receive love/respect/honor. To the degree you love/respect/honor yourself is the degree others will love, respect and honor you.
In the case of this boy at the lunch table, for years his remarks rang through my head and I believed them to be true. In reality, they were quite false. From his remarks I formed the belief of many other lies, escalating in depth from the one he spoke over me. Do I blame him? Nope. You see, we choose what to believe. Sure, as a young teenage girl I was more vulnerable to deception than I am now, but still, it was my choice.
Not really sure why I'm sharing this with you today. It's always my prayer that what I share will bring hope to someone currently struggling with where I've been. It's just another way I relish in trampling on the work of the enemy:) What he (satan) meant for my harm and destruction, Papa God turned into a platform for me to share truth. Oh, the redemption and restoration of my Papa God makes MY SOUL SING!
Showing posts with label Inner Healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inner Healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 5, 2011
Do you love yourself?
Wow, this blogging hiatus has been so long, blogger has changed interfaces on me!
Wanted to pop on here and talk a little about loving yourself. Papa has really been talking to me lately about love, specifically His love. He has also been showing me His goodness.
The other night I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep because of the overwhelming sense of His goodness coming over me. Basking in His love and goodness rekindled a desire in my heart (which is from Him) to tell the world (or at least those reading this blog) about His love. We complicate the gospel, making it difficult. Actually, the gospel is so simple; Jesus said we are to come as children. Children don't see life through a complicated lens, do they? Children trust and have faith. Hmmm...something to ponder, eh?
Before a person can fully give love they have to know (experience) Love. Let's follow the progression of love. God loved us first (I Jn. 4:19.) We are told to love God first and foremost, with all are being (Mark 12:30.) We are told to love one another as we love ourself (Mark 12:31.)
A few months ago I purchased a graphic tee at Old Navy. On the front, in large letters, it says, "Love Yourself." When I wear it I can count on some strange looks. I can only imagine what people assume. Perhaps they think I am conceited, arrogant, or prideful. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is I really do love myself, but that hasn't always been the case.
Sometime in my early 30s I was faced with the reality I had a huge self-hatred issue. Circumstances in my life brought this ugly fact into the light and over the last decade I have been in the healing process. Self-hatred's tentacles are tight and run deep. I didn't just wake up one day and decide I was going to love myself. No, it was most assuredly a long, tedious, at times ugly process. It began with learning who Christ made me and progressed to a radical heart experience with my Papa's love for me.
I had to dig up and toss out bad theology, replacing it with His truth. Religion had taught me to believe I was no good...the wretch the song refers to...but I now realize it was a lie. Once you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and are on this side of the cross you are no longer a wretch or a sinner. Truth is, God sees you as He sees Jesus. As He is so are we in this world! See I John 4:17.
Jesus was serious when He said, "it is finished" on the cross. Everything was done on the cross, it is a finished work. Our only part is to choose to believe and confess Him as Lord!
Sadly, the majority of the body of Christ is walking around believing they are wretched sinners. They believe they are disappointing God. They struggle with the same sin time and again, cloaked in shame and desperation. I know because I was one of them.
Once I realized I wasn't destined to be a sinner my entire life, everything changed. I know now when I do sin I have an advocate with the Father (see I John 2:1.) I've heard it said the reason we need an advocate (an attorney so to speak) is because we have no reason to sin. In the NIV translation it says "if anybody does sin." If, not when...hmmmm???? We aren't going to dissect that one today;)
It's hard to put into words how powerful the love of God is. The point I am trying to make is His love changes everything, but first you have to receive. I'm not talking about salvation. I believe one can accept Christ as Savior and not really know His love. Knowing His love comes through an intimate relationship with Him.
Many people can't get to the knowing part because they can't get past the wretched sinner part. When you believe the lie you aren't worthy of His love because of sin or your past, it's next to impossible to receive it. Friend, I'm here to tell you, YOU ARE WORTHY! You are worthy because of the sacrifice Jesus made! IT IS FINISHED!!!!
Receive His love. He is waiting for you. Love yourself because you are made in His image. Love others from the overflow that comes from abiding in the love of the Father. It's beautiful! His love is life changing!
Papa, I thank You for Your goodness. I thank You for desiring a relationship with me. I thank You for the ability to enter into Your presence knowing I am clean, righteous, holy and fully loved...and I did nothing to earn it. I thank You for Your love. Your love is so safe and so empowering my desire to sin decreases. I thank You for forgiveness when I do fail. Thank You for Your kindness leading me to repentance. I thank You for loving me as much as You love Jesus! Papa, You make my soul sing and I thank You!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Crisis Prevention
I have been reminded more than once this week God speaks our language. He can use the tiniest, most seemingly insignificant detail and use it to reach us. He loves us that much! I even witnessed Him use me in a ministry session to speak the language of the recipient without me being aware of it until after the fact. God speaks and walls come down!
I'm no stranger to hearing God's voice through the mundane things of life. I've even blogged about it here, here, here and here.
This week He gave me yet another picture using something ordinary...nails, my nails, more specifically my chipping, breaking, splitting nails. I recently started having my nails done with a fairly new technique called Shellac. This isn't necessarily critical for you to know, but I wanted to brag on my friend and nail tech, Bobbie Nation. Bobbie has a heart of gold. Sitting in her chair getting your nails done leaves you feeling not only pretty, but well loved:)
I wasn't scheduled to have them re-done until next week, but I was having a crisis, a nail crisis. I sent Bobbie a text saying, "I'm having a nail crisis! Can you get me in earlier?" I had to wait a few days. The thing with Shellac is even though they are your natural nails, the polish doesn't come off with regular remover. Not something I could really take of myself. It was really bothering me that my nails were looking so raggedy:)
This seemingly superficial post is going to get serious...stay with me:)
In the world of inner healing (lay men's terms, healing of the heart (emotional/spiritual) pain) we often receive requests for ministry that are URGENT. This especially happens when people find themselves in crisis mode. They call and want to be seen yesterday.
My mentor, friend and colleague, Vikki Waters, has trained me well in not allowing others' crisis to become my crisis. There will always be someone needing help and boundaries are crucial when you are involved in ministry.
What I have learned is people in crisis aren't always in a place to receive deep healing. The crisis is all they see and they want it fixed. In reality the best time to receive ministry or inner healing is when life is relatively calm...perhaps even avoiding many of the "crisis" times all together.
If I have any males that are reading this blog, which started out like a piece on "Toddlers and Tiaras," I want you to know I haven't forgotten you. Maybe you can't relate to my nail crisis analogy, but you can relate to car maintenance. Simple things like oil changes can PREVENT major vehicle issues down the road. I'm no car expert, but not changing your oil regularly can lead to some high price engine issues, among other things.
Let's put this in a real life scenario of marriage. Marriage takes work. Marriage is an investment. What can happen if you don't invest enough time and energy in your marriage? Potential boredom, loneliness, un-fulfillment (sexually and/or emotionally,) adultery and loss of relationship are just a few issues that come to mind.
How can these pitfalls be avoided? Maintenance, i.e. date nights, weekend getaways, short walks together, regular sex (very important!!!) and a safe environment in which to talk and share feelings openly without fear of being ignored, chastised or yelled at.
Bottom line and the point of this post is to encourage each of you reading this to be prudent. If you are struggling in an area don't wait for the bottom to drop out before you do something about it. Although I believe nothing is impossible for God and it's never too late for Him to redeem and restore, the truth is, when humans are involved there isn't always a willingness or desire for healing/restoration/redemption/reconciliation. Reconciliation takes both parties to be successful.
As I've said before and I will say again...on your very best day, you are only in control of YOU! Which means you can only do something about YOU! Expecting others around you to change to solve your problems will find you waiting a lifetime and will carry with it much frustration.
What are you waiting for...a crisis? I've been in several crisis times myself and they are NO fun. As far as it has to do with me, I want to maintain, prevent and go after what is broken and allow Holy Spirit to do "maintenance" on my heart and avoid crisis as much as possible! And when crisis does comes, because it will, my hope is to be able to handle it with the mind of Christ, from heaven to earth.
I am ever so thankful Papa God speaks in our language. He doesn't pass up an opportunity to minister to our hearts, but the key is, are you listening? I invite you to open the eyes and ears of your heart and look for Him in the mundane, the simple things in life. My Soul Sings because He uses it all, little and big, to bring Him glory and to bring me into a closer relationship with Him! He is so GOOD!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Revelation through Duck Poo
Like the title? A little colorful for this blog, I realize, but it was so accurate I couldn't resist!
My 15 year old purchased two baby ducklings a little over two weeks ago. Her plan is to release them when they are fully grown, as we do not have a pond or place for them once they are bigger.
I conceded to her purchase; after much hesitation, because she may be an animal lover, but I am NOT. I think animals are stinky and messy. They are most cute when they are behind a fence or plexiglass at the zoo. What I wasn't prepared for was how fascinated I would become with these two baby ducklings. I have found myself sitting for minutes at a time watching them, taking pictures and video of them on my phone.
Google has become like a Bible for me when it comes to all things about pekin ducks. I have researched about feeding habits, mating habits, moulting, gender identification...you name it. The most intriguing thing I have learned about them is how fast they grow. Two weeks ago you could hold them in the palm of your hand...TINY! Now, they are over half way to fully grown! Which leads me to the reason for my blog title...they poop constantly!
My daughter cleans out their cage at least twice a day. When they are outside playing every few steps they take they poop. I have duck poo all over my driveway and in the grass! The water hose and I have become fast friends. Of course, they eat as much as they poop...but the growth, on my stars!!!! I thought human babies grew fast...these ducks grow literally overnight.
One of my favorite speakers, Larry Randolph, talks about "poo" in the church. He gives the example of the church nursery. There's plenty of poo in the nursery, but what is also there? Growth. The two go together. Newborn babies eat every 2-4 hours and they poop just about as much...but look at how fast they grow!
So, Amy, all this talk about poo is making me ill...I'm sorry, stay with me. I heard Larry give this analogy over a year ago, but the visual raising two ducks provided made it even more profound to me. Which brings me to some questions for you...
Is the church (I'm referring to the body of Christ, not the building) more concerned with looking clean and polished where it makes the poo go away (like me with my water hose) or is the church embracing the "messes" people create and seeing them as an opportunity for great growth and an avenue to maturity through the process?
Let's make this example even more real for those of you who are parents. Do you look at the "messes" your children (think especially pre-teen/teens) make as things you need to fix, cover-up or make go away...or do you look at them as learning and growing opportunities?
I pose that question to myself as well. A few years ago I measured my success as a mother on how well my girls "appeared" to behave. Their behavior was my grading scale...but behavior isn't an accurate assessment and it isn't how God measures us. The church needs to worry less about conformity to the rules and focus more on the condition of people's hearts. In this process of healing and transformation there will be messes, but hopefully they will lead to more maturity and wisdom.
What about in your own life? Do you feel stuck in failures or disappointments? Do they cripple you? I have learned, through experience, I always have choices. I don't always make the right choices...sometimes this effects only me and sometimes it effects those around me. It is my prayer you each have a "safe" environment where things can get "messy" and those around you will extend you grace and mercy just as they have received grace and mercy for themselves. We all need to be constantly "growing up" in the Lord...and friends, messes are part of the process:)
How and what God will use to speak revelation to my heart never ceases to AMAZE me and this is just another reason MY SOUL SINGS!
Friday, September 10, 2010
At the Foot of the Cross
When is the last time you visited the foot of the cross? Was it at your salvation? A weekend retreat? When someone you love was very ill and needed a miracle? After a moving sermon during an altar call?
For me, it was yesterday morning. No frills, no pomp, no moving sermon or fancy worship service...no manipulating pastor with good intentions to move his flock closer to Jesus. No, none of that, just a hurting heart and a need to lay it down at His feet.
I knew I was hurt, even angry. What I didn't realize is I needed to forgive. A phone call from a sweet sister who asked the question, "how are you?" was all it took for the waterworks to begin. My reply, "I'm a mess." She asked, "what are you a mess about?" Me, "I don't know."
I got my breath and then my heart started to speak. The issues were soon defined and out in the open. Her reply, "well, Amy, you know the first thing you are going to need to do is forgive."
Really? Forgive? Something I walk people through on a weekly basis and it hadn't even crossed my mind I needed it in my own situation! Yes, we really do need the body (of Christ) to guide us along the narrow path when our "stuff" (aka baggage) is blocking our ability to see and hear God's direction for ourselves. Forgiveness is exactly what was needed.
Holding on to un-forgiveness will almost always block your intimacy with the Father. Now, if you aren't intimate with Him to begin with, you may not be able to relate to that statement. Building an intimate relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit has been my life purpose the last few years and I definitely recognize when there is a block.
There is nothing more discouraging and frustrating then feeling I can't connect with Him. When all I can pray is, "oh, God" and it is seemingly quiet on the other end of the dialogue. Because that is what prayer should be, a dialogue, between you and Him. If we stay focused on ourselves and our "stuff," prayer will be all about our needs/wants and we will completely miss out on the relationship He wants with us. If we are focused on Him, it will be a time of dialogue. He will speak to your heart. One of the goals of *inner healing* is to develop this kind of intimacy with our Daddy.
Where were we...oh yes, forgiveness. So, as I sat at my kitchen counter with my cup of coffee, I started to forgive, "I choose to forgive (name here) for (offense here) and how it made me feel (list of feelings/emotions tied to the offense.) I cancel the debt they owed me to (what they should have done/or my perception of what they should have done, or not done.) Lord, I break agreement with any judgments I made about them and ask you to forgive me. I release them from all my expectations to meet my needs. I turn to You, Father God, to meet my needs and heal all my pain. In Jesus Name, Amen."
I went through this process for each person and then heard the Father gently say, "forgive yourself." Yeah, right! God, I really need to go brush my teeth and get ready to leave for my appointment this morning...catch that self forgiveness later, okay?
I went about my business and couldn't get away from the gentle nudge of Holy Spirit saying, "forgive yourself."
Knowing I wanted my peace back I complied, reluctantly. It went something like this:
I choose to forgive myself for being hard on myself, for resenting myself for allowing this situation to come between me and Papa God. I choose to forgive myself for punishing myself with verbal condemnation and condemning thoughts. I choose to forgive myself for not accepting God's forgiveness in this matter, by making a choice to hold onto the pain. I choose to forgive myself for speaking curses over myself and those involved. For losing my patience and yelling. I choose to forgive myself for opening the door to the enemy in my life, even though I know better! I choose to forgive myself for going to bed angry. I choose to forgive myself for not trusting God to work this together for my good. I choose to forgive myself for setting standards that are too high for me or anyone else in my life to meet and for withholding love because they don't meet them.
Ugly, huh? See why I needed to verbalize that and lay it at His feet?
So, again, I ask you, "when was the last time you visited the foot of the cross?" In inner healing circles we call this "doing kingdom business." DKB is a lifestyle. It isn't just for those moments of intense emotional pull mentioned at the beginning of this post. As soon as Holy Spirit brings it to your mind, you need to make the effort and the choice (oh, it's definitely a choice.)
More often than not it will be done in the presence of One, perhaps at your kitchen counter, maybe in the car, in your quiet time...although there are times when you need the body to come along side you and be your eyes and ears.
James 5:16, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
If you've not experienced this power in prayer maybe it is because you have isolated yourself. You've tried to handle it quietly, on your own and without the support of others. Maybe you're ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid. It's why I wrote this post. I want to share with you the freedom that comes with transparency. Light exposes darkness...every time!
None of us are perfect. Releasing pain, un-forgiveness, sin, etc. is part of every Christian's walk. There is no condemnation in it, only healing, forgiveness and FREEDOM!
I invite you to the foot of the cross...a place of restoration and redemption. To listen to a song about the foot of the cross go here and listen to this beautiful song by Kathryn Scott.
Releasing and receiving forgiveness at the foot of the cross makes My Soul Sing!
*Inner Healing* If you are interested in receiving inner healing or learning more about what inner healing is, please visit Growing in Grace Ministries website at www.iggm.org. Check out the Sozo ministry link. I invite you to come and experience freedom, healing and deliverance!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Mediocre to Magnificent Part Two
I'm back! I know you are all dying to read part two:) Don't you just hate it when you read a good fiction book that is part of a series and you have to wait until the next one to find out the end of the story...Karen Kingsbury series come to mind. I read one in less than 24 hours and can hardly wait for the next one to be published. Well, that was back in the day when I read for entertainment, who has time for that anymore?
Gasp, did I just compare my little blog series with a Kingsbury novel? Pretty bold and assuming of me, eh?
Now, where were we...oh yes, marriage, my marriage to be exact.
In the last post I talked about how I realized in order to bring life to my marriage I had to do something with myself. I not so sheepishly told all you readers you are only responsible for you. Really, I can't stressed that enough.
Many times in talking with women who are struggling in their marriages their focus is on their husband. If only he would..., if only he would say..., if only he would do..., if only he wouldn't do... You can fill in the blanks. Ladies, you can not change your husband. No amount of nagging, begging, pleading or change him prayers will work. God gave us each free will, any change made is our choice.
Russell and I attended a marriage seminar this past weekend. It was phenomenal! If you ever have a chance to attend a
"Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor do it!
Mark talks about how to relate to your spouse, not turn them into another version of yourself. I wholeheartedly agree! In essence we are asking the question, "why can't you be more like me?" Making our spouse into another us is not the way to a better marriage.
After several years of walking through inner healing and aligning my thoughts to God's truth, I actually like me. Russell no longer has to tip toe through my emotional minefield on a daily basis which has changed the atmosphere in our home. A happy and fulfilled wife makes for a happy home...at least most of the time:)
So, how did we get here? Let's talk about some of the principles in play in my marriage that may spark some revelation in yours.
* First and foremost, find your fulfillment and identity in Jesus Christ alone. No man can ever fulfill your heart...to expect one to do so is setting yourself and the relationship up for failure. It is humanly impossible for any person to meet all our expectations. Releasing others from your expectations not only sets you free, it sets them free.
* Take your hurts to Jesus. Your husband can not fix you. Sure he can bring you comfort and support, but ultimately Jesus is the only one who can heal your pain.
* Work on you. Allow Jesus to mold you and shape you into His image. Hope you're not counting how many times I've said this:) It really is a key ingredient.
* Respect your husband. Never cut him with your words. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This doesn't mean you can't express how you feel. You can and you should. But never put him down in order to make your point or in an effort to get revenge. Never intentionally accuse him or berate him. VERY IMPORTANT!!!!
* Encourage him.
* Appreciate him and tell him often how much. Determine his best qualities and praise him in those areas.
* Sex...you knew it would come up eventually. Ladies, men NEED it!!!! Never withhold sex as a means of revenge or payback...it's just plain selfish to do so. Believe me, there was a time I was highly selfish in this area.
* Never berate your husband to your children. They need the security of knowing you love their father. Also remember you are modeling to your daughters what a wife should look like. If you nag your husband, they will learn this behavior and most likely will someday nag theirs. Husbands (if there are any out there that have read this far) remember you are modeling to your sons what a Godly husband looks like. Dads to girls you are modeling what a husband looks like to your daughters...treat them like royalty and they won't settle for second best, selling themselves short. Behavior is learned, not taught...what are your actions teaching?
* Never go to bed angry. Seek reconciliation first. Even if you are right (or think you are right:) in an argument or disagreement be the first to bridge the gap. It's just not worth it to let anger fester into bitterness.
* Don't be afraid to say you are wrong when you are wrong. Pride does nothing but build a wall between you and the one you love.
* Put your marriage before your children. Time with your spouse is priority. It is challenging when the children are young, but it will pay in dividends in the long haul. Make it happen!
* Forgive quickly, don't harbor unforgiveness in your heart for lengthy periods of time.
Lengthy list, I am sure you can add to it and make it your own. Since I'm a wife I am primarily talking to wives, but husbands can glean from these principles as well!
It might be a good time to add I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and our marriage is not perfect. However, we are honestly more in love and more connected now then in all our 18 years of marriage. I give God all the glory, but I also want to brag on my man a bit.
Russell Dover has a servant's heart the size of Texas. He serves naturally, it is second nature to him. He sees dishes in the sink, he washes them. Load of laundry in the basket, he folds it. When our girls were babies he changed many dirty diapers. I could write an entire post on how he serves me and the girls, but I want you to still like me and that might provoke a good dose of envy:)
He has always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. When I have a dream, he does everything in his ability to see it come to life. Making me happy, makes him happy. As I grow and mature in my love for Jesus, and my husband, I live to return this happiness to him. He can accomplish whatever he sets his mind to accomplish and I have a part in that by encouraging him and believing in him.
In the seminar Mark made a statement that most affairs don't begin for sexual reasons, they begin for emotional ones. As wives if we aren't believing in our husbands, being their number one cheerleader, someone else might come in and fill that role. So, get out your pom-poms and 2-4-6-8 who do you appreciate? Your hubby!
Russell makes me feel safe. Ultimately I know my defender and protector is God, but it sure is nice having a husband who models God to me here on earth. When my world seems to be in chaos, Russell helps me put situations into perspective...he keeps me balanced. We are a team.
If you have read this and thought to yourself, well that's just peachy for her, but I don't have this kind of marriage...I want to encourage you that you can. Where to start? Start at the beginning, work on you. While you are working on you love, love, love your man. Die to self and do for him sacrificially. If you wait on him to start the process you might be waiting a very long time.
I Peter 3:1 talks about how wives are to win over their husbands. The context is winning over an unbelieving husband, but the same principle applies to winning over husbands in general. When I started making changes I didn't announce to Russell, "today, you have a new wife. I've decided to turn from being negative and critical to loving and encouraging." No, he would have to see it to believe, so I started walking it out in front of him, winning him over without words. Ladies, I have to tell you, it didn't take long for him to notice or respond.
I don't share our marriage with you to discourage you or make you envious. I share our story to impart hope. Nothing is impossible for God. No marriage is too far gone He can't restore it and redeem it. Perhaps your marriage is good, but you desire it to be magnificent...what are you waiting for? The God of all creation can take you from mediocre to magnificent, ask Him to show you the way!
Spending a lifetime with my terrific hubby, growing in love and grace together surely does make My Soul Sing!
Gasp, did I just compare my little blog series with a Kingsbury novel? Pretty bold and assuming of me, eh?
Now, where were we...oh yes, marriage, my marriage to be exact.
In the last post I talked about how I realized in order to bring life to my marriage I had to do something with myself. I not so sheepishly told all you readers you are only responsible for you. Really, I can't stressed that enough.
Many times in talking with women who are struggling in their marriages their focus is on their husband. If only he would..., if only he would say..., if only he would do..., if only he wouldn't do... You can fill in the blanks. Ladies, you can not change your husband. No amount of nagging, begging, pleading or change him prayers will work. God gave us each free will, any change made is our choice.
Russell and I attended a marriage seminar this past weekend. It was phenomenal! If you ever have a chance to attend a
"Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor do it!
Mark talks about how to relate to your spouse, not turn them into another version of yourself. I wholeheartedly agree! In essence we are asking the question, "why can't you be more like me?" Making our spouse into another us is not the way to a better marriage.
After several years of walking through inner healing and aligning my thoughts to God's truth, I actually like me. Russell no longer has to tip toe through my emotional minefield on a daily basis which has changed the atmosphere in our home. A happy and fulfilled wife makes for a happy home...at least most of the time:)
So, how did we get here? Let's talk about some of the principles in play in my marriage that may spark some revelation in yours.
* First and foremost, find your fulfillment and identity in Jesus Christ alone. No man can ever fulfill your heart...to expect one to do so is setting yourself and the relationship up for failure. It is humanly impossible for any person to meet all our expectations. Releasing others from your expectations not only sets you free, it sets them free.
* Take your hurts to Jesus. Your husband can not fix you. Sure he can bring you comfort and support, but ultimately Jesus is the only one who can heal your pain.
* Work on you. Allow Jesus to mold you and shape you into His image. Hope you're not counting how many times I've said this:) It really is a key ingredient.
* Respect your husband. Never cut him with your words. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. This doesn't mean you can't express how you feel. You can and you should. But never put him down in order to make your point or in an effort to get revenge. Never intentionally accuse him or berate him. VERY IMPORTANT!!!!
* Encourage him.
* Appreciate him and tell him often how much. Determine his best qualities and praise him in those areas.
* Sex...you knew it would come up eventually. Ladies, men NEED it!!!! Never withhold sex as a means of revenge or payback...it's just plain selfish to do so. Believe me, there was a time I was highly selfish in this area.
* Never berate your husband to your children. They need the security of knowing you love their father. Also remember you are modeling to your daughters what a wife should look like. If you nag your husband, they will learn this behavior and most likely will someday nag theirs. Husbands (if there are any out there that have read this far) remember you are modeling to your sons what a Godly husband looks like. Dads to girls you are modeling what a husband looks like to your daughters...treat them like royalty and they won't settle for second best, selling themselves short. Behavior is learned, not taught...what are your actions teaching?
* Never go to bed angry. Seek reconciliation first. Even if you are right (or think you are right:) in an argument or disagreement be the first to bridge the gap. It's just not worth it to let anger fester into bitterness.
* Don't be afraid to say you are wrong when you are wrong. Pride does nothing but build a wall between you and the one you love.
* Put your marriage before your children. Time with your spouse is priority. It is challenging when the children are young, but it will pay in dividends in the long haul. Make it happen!
* Forgive quickly, don't harbor unforgiveness in your heart for lengthy periods of time.
Lengthy list, I am sure you can add to it and make it your own. Since I'm a wife I am primarily talking to wives, but husbands can glean from these principles as well!
It might be a good time to add I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and our marriage is not perfect. However, we are honestly more in love and more connected now then in all our 18 years of marriage. I give God all the glory, but I also want to brag on my man a bit.
Russell Dover has a servant's heart the size of Texas. He serves naturally, it is second nature to him. He sees dishes in the sink, he washes them. Load of laundry in the basket, he folds it. When our girls were babies he changed many dirty diapers. I could write an entire post on how he serves me and the girls, but I want you to still like me and that might provoke a good dose of envy:)
He has always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. When I have a dream, he does everything in his ability to see it come to life. Making me happy, makes him happy. As I grow and mature in my love for Jesus, and my husband, I live to return this happiness to him. He can accomplish whatever he sets his mind to accomplish and I have a part in that by encouraging him and believing in him.
In the seminar Mark made a statement that most affairs don't begin for sexual reasons, they begin for emotional ones. As wives if we aren't believing in our husbands, being their number one cheerleader, someone else might come in and fill that role. So, get out your pom-poms and 2-4-6-8 who do you appreciate? Your hubby!
Russell makes me feel safe. Ultimately I know my defender and protector is God, but it sure is nice having a husband who models God to me here on earth. When my world seems to be in chaos, Russell helps me put situations into perspective...he keeps me balanced. We are a team.
If you have read this and thought to yourself, well that's just peachy for her, but I don't have this kind of marriage...I want to encourage you that you can. Where to start? Start at the beginning, work on you. While you are working on you love, love, love your man. Die to self and do for him sacrificially. If you wait on him to start the process you might be waiting a very long time.
I Peter 3:1 talks about how wives are to win over their husbands. The context is winning over an unbelieving husband, but the same principle applies to winning over husbands in general. When I started making changes I didn't announce to Russell, "today, you have a new wife. I've decided to turn from being negative and critical to loving and encouraging." No, he would have to see it to believe, so I started walking it out in front of him, winning him over without words. Ladies, I have to tell you, it didn't take long for him to notice or respond.
I don't share our marriage with you to discourage you or make you envious. I share our story to impart hope. Nothing is impossible for God. No marriage is too far gone He can't restore it and redeem it. Perhaps your marriage is good, but you desire it to be magnificent...what are you waiting for? The God of all creation can take you from mediocre to magnificent, ask Him to show you the way!
Spending a lifetime with my terrific hubby, growing in love and grace together surely does make My Soul Sing!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Moody Mama's Encore Appearance
It definitely was NOT an Oscar award winning appearance...but, yes, sadly, Moody Mama came back. If you are wondering who the heck Moody Mama is I begrudgingly invite you to go read this post. But I must warn you, it's not my brightest moment.
Good Friday, and no the irony of it being "Good" Friday is not lost on me...keep reading and you will see why. Good Friday and we were preparing to go out of town for Easter weekend. It is spring break week. We planned a weekend getaway to Atlanta where going to the Georgia Aquarium, Six Flags and shopping were on the agenda.
Allow me to setup the scene for you, so you can get the full picture. Last week was incredibly busy, on all fronts. I was out of the home 3 nights out of 4, something I try not to do most of the time. My days were filled with appointments of all kinds, ministry, hair cut, doctor and meetings. I am not at all complaining, just giving you a glimpse into what for me was a packed week. Being a "stay at home" mom has spoiled me with a good amount of leisure time and plenty of time to do laundry and various other errands during the day. When my time is otherwise scheduled those things get left undone temporarily.
Now would be a good time for a huge shout out for those of you who work full-time and manage a household including all of the above activities day in and day out. You gals are the bomb, seriously, my hat goes off to you! Extra kudos to those who do it all as a single mom...really, hats off!
But, for me, this kind of week is not the norm. By Thursday I was a mad woman catching up on laundry and getting out summer clothes due to the dramatic change in temperatures here in southeast Tennessee...which included some trying on to determine what fit the girls (and honestly what fit me, ugh), so we knew what to pack for our trip.
I encouraged the girls to pack their bags Thursday evening, but was met with, "we'll do it in the morning." The dear hubster, who is an extreme early worm, wanted to leave at say 8:00 a.m., 9:00 at the latest...yeah, right, I thought to myself...or maybe I didn't keep that thought in my head, yes, looking back, I'm pretty sure I didn't...hmmm, should have recognized then Moody Mama was on the verge of a comeback:)
Morning came, and have I mentioned before morning isn't my finest time of the day...well I should, because that is a very important tidbit of information to know. Yes, morning came, I wasn't finished packing and the girls hadn't even begun to pack. With children the ages of mine one grows used to peaceful showers and potty time alone without interruption...it's not like I have little bitty ones hanging on me while I do my business, etc. Those of you in that stage, I promise, it gets better.
So, imagine my frustration when they both alternately came into the bathroom while I was trying to shower and, you know, other stuff...they made several trips into my sanctum, with various questions, such as, "mom, I don't know what to pack. Mom, does this outfit match? Mom, what is the weather going to be like? What shoes look best with my Easter dress? Mom, are you packing your flat iron and can I use it?"
My response was less than cordial as I replied to them with irritation oozing from my pores...after all, didn't I ask them to do this the night before? If only my response ended there...it did not.
The hubster, being exceptionally intelligent, decided to go put gas in the vehicle and get cash from the ATM while this drama was unfolding at home. He really should have stayed away longer, but I suppose he ran out of things to do...because he came back and I made sure he was aware of the situation. If you are imagining a scene of intense fellowship here, you are very perceptive. The intensity was on my part because he, like the intelligent man he is, remained quiet, listening to me rant.
As if I haven't exposed myself enough here, it gets worse...now, if any men have made it this far I commend you, for this post has hormones written all over it, and it's about to get even more hormonal because I'm going to talk about stuff like bad hair and fat days...consider yourself warned:)
I was sitting on my makeup stool in front of the mirror when the hubster came in and asked me this question, "when are you going to be ready to go?" I responded, "look at me! I look awful! I can't fix my hair right (new layers from my haircut) and my summer clothes are too tight, not to mention the fact I am alabaster white, how can I wear capri's looking like this?!" I was holding an eyeshadow and eyeshadow brush, which I proceeded to throw with great vengeance, because really, this is the best way to express to him I am angry...whatever!
The eyeshadow goes flying out our bedroom door and into the living room where it bounces off the glass top on the coffee table, making a sharp ping sound as it hits. In my head I'm wondering if it nicked the glass and I'm also wondering if the eyeshadow is crumbled into a gazillion pieces, because it is quite costly warpaint in which I really don't want to see ruined. But, no, I will not show my concern for the table or eyeshadow, because that would signify remorse to the hubster, which I'm not ready to show...yet.
The hubster, still in his intelligence, goes and recovers the brush and eyeshadow and returns them to me. I continue to rant and now both girls are in serious get ready mode because they are scared into submission at this point (which goes against all the new parenting principles I have put into practice through my quest to Love on Purpose. See the parenting posts for more explanation on that.)
Surprisingly enough, my hair turns out to be lovely and the outfit I selected minimized my pallor. But I was still not ready to retreat and repent. We load into the car. I glance (maybe glare) over at the hubster and ask through seething teeth, "aren't you going to pray over us and the vehicle before we go?" To which he responded, "I already came out here and did while you were getting ready." Yep, I bet he did, I bet he added in a few prayers for me as well. And so begins our lovely family weekend...and have I mentioned it's Good Friday?
We are driving along and, amazingly enough, I hear God speak to me. Sometimes in these situations He is quiet until I confess and repent, but this time, in His graciousness He didn't let me stew for long...after all, He desired for our family time to be filled with love and joy and He knew I would set the tone...my attitude had a great deal to do with rather or not we would have an enjoyable trip.
So, here I am riding along, having dialogue in my head with God. He lovingly points out the obvious, I need to confess to Him, then confess to my family and ask their forgiveness. He is patient with me and I confess quietly to Him, but I am still not ready to eat a big piece of humble pie with the fam. He goes on to say He wants me to blog about this episode. Oh great, sure God, really...I mean REALLY? Do I really have to blog about every trip I make to the woodshed with You? To this question He gently reminded me of a trip to the woodshed just two weeks ago that He didn't require of me to make public...YET.
I believe He asks me to be real with you guys because He moves through it. I could make My Soul Sings all about the good Christian stuff. My posts could paint a picture of me living a submitted life to Christ. They could make it sound like I have it all together or they can be real and transparent. I choose real and transparent because it is the desire of my heart to relate to others not only am I victorious saint, I am a saint who also struggles.
As I have said before, through my honesty I hope you are encouraged to live a life of victory. Many have shared with me they think it's too hard and they don't know where to start. I know it can be hard to jumpstart, but you can do it!
We can either wallow in the darkness or we can constantly look to Jesus whose blood washes away all our sin. It is a finished work. We can either take the gift or we can stay in the pit. I choose to take the gift. Yes, it requires of me repentance, it requires of me to address the negative issues as they rise to the surface...but the relationship I have with Him is worth every second of the woodshed. Might I add the woodshed I refer to isn't a place of condemnation or punishment, but of discipline which trains and teaches...He is always gentle!
Moody Mama has once again been retired. My next inner healing focus will be to dig up what triggers me about family trips...Moody Mama has made appearances before around vacations. From my experience in inner healing this is a sign of a deeper issue. What is suppose to be a relaxing, family time can turn into something ugly real quick. Papa God is ready to meet me in that place of pain...I'll let you know someday the results of this meeting:)
Living free of condemnation and guilt of Moody Mama makes My Soul Sing!
Good Friday, and no the irony of it being "Good" Friday is not lost on me...keep reading and you will see why. Good Friday and we were preparing to go out of town for Easter weekend. It is spring break week. We planned a weekend getaway to Atlanta where going to the Georgia Aquarium, Six Flags and shopping were on the agenda.
Allow me to setup the scene for you, so you can get the full picture. Last week was incredibly busy, on all fronts. I was out of the home 3 nights out of 4, something I try not to do most of the time. My days were filled with appointments of all kinds, ministry, hair cut, doctor and meetings. I am not at all complaining, just giving you a glimpse into what for me was a packed week. Being a "stay at home" mom has spoiled me with a good amount of leisure time and plenty of time to do laundry and various other errands during the day. When my time is otherwise scheduled those things get left undone temporarily.
Now would be a good time for a huge shout out for those of you who work full-time and manage a household including all of the above activities day in and day out. You gals are the bomb, seriously, my hat goes off to you! Extra kudos to those who do it all as a single mom...really, hats off!
But, for me, this kind of week is not the norm. By Thursday I was a mad woman catching up on laundry and getting out summer clothes due to the dramatic change in temperatures here in southeast Tennessee...which included some trying on to determine what fit the girls (and honestly what fit me, ugh), so we knew what to pack for our trip.
I encouraged the girls to pack their bags Thursday evening, but was met with, "we'll do it in the morning." The dear hubster, who is an extreme early worm, wanted to leave at say 8:00 a.m., 9:00 at the latest...yeah, right, I thought to myself...or maybe I didn't keep that thought in my head, yes, looking back, I'm pretty sure I didn't...hmmm, should have recognized then Moody Mama was on the verge of a comeback:)
Morning came, and have I mentioned before morning isn't my finest time of the day...well I should, because that is a very important tidbit of information to know. Yes, morning came, I wasn't finished packing and the girls hadn't even begun to pack. With children the ages of mine one grows used to peaceful showers and potty time alone without interruption...it's not like I have little bitty ones hanging on me while I do my business, etc. Those of you in that stage, I promise, it gets better.
So, imagine my frustration when they both alternately came into the bathroom while I was trying to shower and, you know, other stuff...they made several trips into my sanctum, with various questions, such as, "mom, I don't know what to pack. Mom, does this outfit match? Mom, what is the weather going to be like? What shoes look best with my Easter dress? Mom, are you packing your flat iron and can I use it?"
My response was less than cordial as I replied to them with irritation oozing from my pores...after all, didn't I ask them to do this the night before? If only my response ended there...it did not.
The hubster, being exceptionally intelligent, decided to go put gas in the vehicle and get cash from the ATM while this drama was unfolding at home. He really should have stayed away longer, but I suppose he ran out of things to do...because he came back and I made sure he was aware of the situation. If you are imagining a scene of intense fellowship here, you are very perceptive. The intensity was on my part because he, like the intelligent man he is, remained quiet, listening to me rant.
As if I haven't exposed myself enough here, it gets worse...now, if any men have made it this far I commend you, for this post has hormones written all over it, and it's about to get even more hormonal because I'm going to talk about stuff like bad hair and fat days...consider yourself warned:)
I was sitting on my makeup stool in front of the mirror when the hubster came in and asked me this question, "when are you going to be ready to go?" I responded, "look at me! I look awful! I can't fix my hair right (new layers from my haircut) and my summer clothes are too tight, not to mention the fact I am alabaster white, how can I wear capri's looking like this?!" I was holding an eyeshadow and eyeshadow brush, which I proceeded to throw with great vengeance, because really, this is the best way to express to him I am angry...whatever!
The eyeshadow goes flying out our bedroom door and into the living room where it bounces off the glass top on the coffee table, making a sharp ping sound as it hits. In my head I'm wondering if it nicked the glass and I'm also wondering if the eyeshadow is crumbled into a gazillion pieces, because it is quite costly warpaint in which I really don't want to see ruined. But, no, I will not show my concern for the table or eyeshadow, because that would signify remorse to the hubster, which I'm not ready to show...yet.
The hubster, still in his intelligence, goes and recovers the brush and eyeshadow and returns them to me. I continue to rant and now both girls are in serious get ready mode because they are scared into submission at this point (which goes against all the new parenting principles I have put into practice through my quest to Love on Purpose. See the parenting posts for more explanation on that.)
Surprisingly enough, my hair turns out to be lovely and the outfit I selected minimized my pallor. But I was still not ready to retreat and repent. We load into the car. I glance (maybe glare) over at the hubster and ask through seething teeth, "aren't you going to pray over us and the vehicle before we go?" To which he responded, "I already came out here and did while you were getting ready." Yep, I bet he did, I bet he added in a few prayers for me as well. And so begins our lovely family weekend...and have I mentioned it's Good Friday?
We are driving along and, amazingly enough, I hear God speak to me. Sometimes in these situations He is quiet until I confess and repent, but this time, in His graciousness He didn't let me stew for long...after all, He desired for our family time to be filled with love and joy and He knew I would set the tone...my attitude had a great deal to do with rather or not we would have an enjoyable trip.
So, here I am riding along, having dialogue in my head with God. He lovingly points out the obvious, I need to confess to Him, then confess to my family and ask their forgiveness. He is patient with me and I confess quietly to Him, but I am still not ready to eat a big piece of humble pie with the fam. He goes on to say He wants me to blog about this episode. Oh great, sure God, really...I mean REALLY? Do I really have to blog about every trip I make to the woodshed with You? To this question He gently reminded me of a trip to the woodshed just two weeks ago that He didn't require of me to make public...YET.
I believe He asks me to be real with you guys because He moves through it. I could make My Soul Sings all about the good Christian stuff. My posts could paint a picture of me living a submitted life to Christ. They could make it sound like I have it all together or they can be real and transparent. I choose real and transparent because it is the desire of my heart to relate to others not only am I victorious saint, I am a saint who also struggles.
As I have said before, through my honesty I hope you are encouraged to live a life of victory. Many have shared with me they think it's too hard and they don't know where to start. I know it can be hard to jumpstart, but you can do it!
We can either wallow in the darkness or we can constantly look to Jesus whose blood washes away all our sin. It is a finished work. We can either take the gift or we can stay in the pit. I choose to take the gift. Yes, it requires of me repentance, it requires of me to address the negative issues as they rise to the surface...but the relationship I have with Him is worth every second of the woodshed. Might I add the woodshed I refer to isn't a place of condemnation or punishment, but of discipline which trains and teaches...He is always gentle!
Moody Mama has once again been retired. My next inner healing focus will be to dig up what triggers me about family trips...Moody Mama has made appearances before around vacations. From my experience in inner healing this is a sign of a deeper issue. What is suppose to be a relaxing, family time can turn into something ugly real quick. Papa God is ready to meet me in that place of pain...I'll let you know someday the results of this meeting:)
Living free of condemnation and guilt of Moody Mama makes My Soul Sing!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Whatcha Thinking?
"What's On Your Mind?"
That's the question on every Facebooker's wall. In a little box at the top you have a chance to tell your friends in Facebook land what is on your mind. Also known as a status. So, whatcha thinking?
Well, it got me to thinking...and whenever I start thinking too much it is likely whatever thoughts are in my head will end up written here as a blog post...and, so here we are again:)
As much as I have shared with you about my journey to freedom, there is much left to share. Today I want to talk about our thought life and the power of our minds.
I am sure you've heard it said the battle is in our mind and this statement couldn't be more true. The mind is where the enemy wages war against us.
To sum up the power of our thoughts I love how Larry Randolph puts it...
"Your thoughts become words. Words create attitude. Attitude determines your well being. Well being influences conduct. And conduct determines the shape of your destiny."
Do you see how it all begins with mere thoughts?
One of my favorite sayings is, "what we focus on we empower." In Kris Valloton's book "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" he says, "We tend to reproduce what we feast our thoughts upon." So, if you feast upon criticism, you will produce negativity. If you feast upon profanity, you will utter profanities. If you feast upon worry, your environment will be one of anxiety. These are just a few examples.
Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." (NKJV) Yes, there is a definite connection with our thoughts and what is empowered in our lives.
We are instructed in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "To take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This is how Paul instructs us to overcome strongholds. When we feast on negative thoughts and thoughts contrary to the Word of God we empower the enemy to work in our lives.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to give satan any power over me! You may be wondering how your thought life can empower the enemy. One area in which the enemy gains ground through our thoughts is in thwarting our destiny.
If we believe lies about God and lies about ourselves we will never fully walk in our God given destiny here on earth. When we feast on such lies, we will empower them.
For example: I believed for years I had nothing important to say. Since I didn't finish college I believed I wasn't educated enough to speak. In public settings such as Sunday school class, Bible study, etc. I would have answers, but would never voice them out of fear of being wrong and thus being ridiculed. The enemy would whisper to me, "you are stupid and no one wants to hear what you have to say."
During one of my many inner healing sessions this lie came to the surface. Through the facilitator of my session and the Voice of Truth (Jesus) I realized part of my destiny was my voice. God had gifted me in the area of writing and teaching! I couldn't do either without a "voice!" The enemy had successfully disqualified me in my mind!
Of course what the enemy intended for harm, God will work together for good...this blog is part of the fruit of me receiving my "voice!" If God hadn't revealed this lie at work in my life My Soul Sings would never have become a reality!
This is just one example of where lie based thinking effected my life personally. I could write post after post exposing lies I have personally believed. The fact is Jesus is still revealing them to me...part of working out my salvation will include conforming my mind to think like His. In order to think like Him the lies have to go! This process will last the rest of my life, until I see Jesus face to face!
In the meantime I must choose to feast on the Truth. The more I discover the character and nature of God the more ungodly thinking is displaced.
It is my desire to view life through supernatural lenses, when everything around me is looking at the natural. I assure you God isn't up on His throne ringing His hands anxiously because of what is going on in this world.
No, I believe He is patiently waiting for us as believers to realize our identity, authority and power here on earth. To take dominion over the enemy using our God given inheritances and identities. This will only be accomplished through prayer and empowering truth in our lives.
Bill Johnson puts it this way, "I can't afford to think differently about my life than God does."
I love to write posts which expose the accuser of the brethren for the liar he is. This is a subject you will see addressed often here. If you are interested in uncovering what ungodly beliefs (lies) are at work in your life I urge you to ask Jesus. If you don't know where to start you can begin with identifying lies you have believed about Father God.
The Father's Love Letter can help you with this. You can listen and/or read this beautiful love letter to YOU here. These are truths about how Father God sees you straight from the Bible.
As you listen or read if you come across one that doesn't feel true to your heart, although you know it to be true in your head, ask the Holy Spirit to identify the lie in place. Break agreement with the lie and meditate on the Truth. If helpful, post the scripture on your bathroom mirror and read it aloud several times a day, until it sinks into your spirit and you can fully believe it with all your heart.
Setting your thoughts on things above and focusing on God's Truth will take you to places of victory you didn't imagine possible until heaven. Never in my life have I lived from such a place of peace as I do now. I attribute this to my focus being on God and His promise found in Isaiah 26:3. Living with a mindset of "on earth as it is in heaven" is another reason My Soul Sings!
That's the question on every Facebooker's wall. In a little box at the top you have a chance to tell your friends in Facebook land what is on your mind. Also known as a status. So, whatcha thinking?
Well, it got me to thinking...and whenever I start thinking too much it is likely whatever thoughts are in my head will end up written here as a blog post...and, so here we are again:)
As much as I have shared with you about my journey to freedom, there is much left to share. Today I want to talk about our thought life and the power of our minds.
I am sure you've heard it said the battle is in our mind and this statement couldn't be more true. The mind is where the enemy wages war against us.
To sum up the power of our thoughts I love how Larry Randolph puts it...
"Your thoughts become words. Words create attitude. Attitude determines your well being. Well being influences conduct. And conduct determines the shape of your destiny."
Do you see how it all begins with mere thoughts?
One of my favorite sayings is, "what we focus on we empower." In Kris Valloton's book "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" he says, "We tend to reproduce what we feast our thoughts upon." So, if you feast upon criticism, you will produce negativity. If you feast upon profanity, you will utter profanities. If you feast upon worry, your environment will be one of anxiety. These are just a few examples.
Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." (NKJV) Yes, there is a definite connection with our thoughts and what is empowered in our lives.
We are instructed in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "To take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This is how Paul instructs us to overcome strongholds. When we feast on negative thoughts and thoughts contrary to the Word of God we empower the enemy to work in our lives.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to give satan any power over me! You may be wondering how your thought life can empower the enemy. One area in which the enemy gains ground through our thoughts is in thwarting our destiny.
If we believe lies about God and lies about ourselves we will never fully walk in our God given destiny here on earth. When we feast on such lies, we will empower them.
For example: I believed for years I had nothing important to say. Since I didn't finish college I believed I wasn't educated enough to speak. In public settings such as Sunday school class, Bible study, etc. I would have answers, but would never voice them out of fear of being wrong and thus being ridiculed. The enemy would whisper to me, "you are stupid and no one wants to hear what you have to say."
During one of my many inner healing sessions this lie came to the surface. Through the facilitator of my session and the Voice of Truth (Jesus) I realized part of my destiny was my voice. God had gifted me in the area of writing and teaching! I couldn't do either without a "voice!" The enemy had successfully disqualified me in my mind!
Of course what the enemy intended for harm, God will work together for good...this blog is part of the fruit of me receiving my "voice!" If God hadn't revealed this lie at work in my life My Soul Sings would never have become a reality!
This is just one example of where lie based thinking effected my life personally. I could write post after post exposing lies I have personally believed. The fact is Jesus is still revealing them to me...part of working out my salvation will include conforming my mind to think like His. In order to think like Him the lies have to go! This process will last the rest of my life, until I see Jesus face to face!
In the meantime I must choose to feast on the Truth. The more I discover the character and nature of God the more ungodly thinking is displaced.
It is my desire to view life through supernatural lenses, when everything around me is looking at the natural. I assure you God isn't up on His throne ringing His hands anxiously because of what is going on in this world.
No, I believe He is patiently waiting for us as believers to realize our identity, authority and power here on earth. To take dominion over the enemy using our God given inheritances and identities. This will only be accomplished through prayer and empowering truth in our lives.
Bill Johnson puts it this way, "I can't afford to think differently about my life than God does."
I love to write posts which expose the accuser of the brethren for the liar he is. This is a subject you will see addressed often here. If you are interested in uncovering what ungodly beliefs (lies) are at work in your life I urge you to ask Jesus. If you don't know where to start you can begin with identifying lies you have believed about Father God.
The Father's Love Letter can help you with this. You can listen and/or read this beautiful love letter to YOU here. These are truths about how Father God sees you straight from the Bible.
As you listen or read if you come across one that doesn't feel true to your heart, although you know it to be true in your head, ask the Holy Spirit to identify the lie in place. Break agreement with the lie and meditate on the Truth. If helpful, post the scripture on your bathroom mirror and read it aloud several times a day, until it sinks into your spirit and you can fully believe it with all your heart.
Setting your thoughts on things above and focusing on God's Truth will take you to places of victory you didn't imagine possible until heaven. Never in my life have I lived from such a place of peace as I do now. I attribute this to my focus being on God and His promise found in Isaiah 26:3. Living with a mindset of "on earth as it is in heaven" is another reason My Soul Sings!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Breaking Agreement with Perfectionism
"I don't try to make things perfect, because not much is perfect...well, really nothing is perfect." Juliana (age 10)
This past weekend I had an opportunity to spend some time with my younger daughter, Juliana, making cards using rubber stamps. It was a sweet time with her, doing an activity we both enjoy.
For those who are wondering what "stamping" is basically it is akin to scrap booking. You cut paper, select colors, designs and put them together to create something unique...and on this day it was cards we were making.
Now prior to this I have always cut Juliana's paper for her, after all the cutter is very sharp. Since I was working on my own projects and I was close at hand I told her she could cut her own paper. She perked up at this because it is something she has wanted to do and the fact I was trusting her with the responsibility really empowered her...she was beaming.
While in her happy place she was very chatty. She was completing two cards to my one...proudly showing each of them to me wanting my approval of her masterpieces. Which brings me to the quote in reference.
She held up one card and one piece had been cut slightly crooked. She pointed it out to me very matter of factly, not at all upset about it. I replied, "it's okay, it doesn't need to be perfect." To which she replied, "I don't try to make things perfect, because not much is perfect...well, really nothing is perfect."
A profound and wise statement coming from a ten year old. It went straight to my heart and brought a smile to my face. She has no idea how refreshing and encouraging this comment was to me...and maybe you too are wondering...allow me to explain.
My second post on My Soul Sings was titled, "Performer No More." I shared with you my struggle with performance for most of my life and how the Lord had delivered me from such bondage.
Performance has a cousin...her (not gender specific, but since I'm a girl...go with me here;) name is Perfectionism. They are cousins, but also really good friends, of the co-dependent kind, and they are most always found together.
Perfectionism can look good on the outside. She also can make you look good. While aiming to make everyone happy with your performance she comes alongside and shows up and shows off. People come to you when they need a job done with accuracy and excellence and perfectionism usually comes through for you.
But...along with perfectionism comes self-analysis and self-criticism...always setting the bar unattainably high. Once you feel you have obtained it, you have to raise it even higher...eventually setting yourself up for failure because you're constantly measuring yourself, never feeling you make the mark.
And...it doesn't stop there. Since you strive for perfection you also put the expectation on others to do things "perfectly." Of course, you don't meet your expectations, why would they? Depending on the scope of the relationship you have with them they may or may not feel this pressure from you. I can guarantee you if they live with you, they know it, they feel it and quite possibly they are drowning underneath the weight of it. Wow, I'm exhausted just re-reading what I just wrote...but that's not all, shall we continue?
As a perfectionist I expected my husband and my daughters to be perfect. My older daughter was struggling immensely from my remarks, criticisms and the unspoken expectation for her to rise and meet my demands. In a weeks worth of school work I would point out the one "C" and not even mention the ten "A's."
Under such pressure she was destined to fail. It didn't matter how "good" she was I would find a flaw. I was really good at finding flaws in myself and even better at pointing them out in other people.
During this process she began to struggle in school. She had several physical issues rooted in stress and anxiety. In order to honor her I will not go into the details of all she went through...just trust me, it wasn't good.
I don't remember exactly the turning point for me, but I realized what was manifesting in her life was the result of all the negative seeds I had sown into her. In my quest to help her I was forced to look into the mirror and what I saw was ugly, real ugly...did I say it was ugly, I meant UGLY!
I'm a big girl and I can admit this to you...but only because I received healing from the Lord. He enveloped me in His forgiveness, grace, love and restoration. I allowed Him to speak to my heart. He opened my eyes to the pattern in place. I was faced with a decision and for the sake of my daughters and my marriage I decided enough was enough.
I willingly, although with fear and trembling, allowed the Lord to take me to the "woodshed" where He lovingly and gently began the pruning process. It was not easy, but I'm here to testify to you today the fruit on this side is sweet and plentiful.
I often tell people when I am sharing my story that my girls had two different moms. Thankfully, they both didn't pay the price. Juliana was preschool age when my journey to freedom began and by the time she was in school I was freed from imposing upon my children the need for perfection. While the process wasn't yet complete in me; I still put unreasonable expectations on myself, I no longer placed them on my girls.
My girls are smart. They don't make straight A's and I don't expect them. The only thing I ask of them is that they give their best effort. Defining best effort can sometimes be sketchy, especially for my little free spirit, Juliana:) But all in all I want to teach them success isn't measured by perfection or performance.
So to hear those words come out of my sweet Juliana's mouth was a gift. A gift I hope to never forget receiving. The impact on my heart was so great I had to share with you.
I am on this journey in life, building my legacy. It is my prayer my children will inherit my breakthroughs. Sure, they will have struggles of their own and it is my desire for them to have faith of their own. My prayer is my ceiling will become their floors, building on the legacy I will leave them with each generation a little further along then the last. Now, that, would be just PERFECT!
As with anything I share it is in hope of it bringing someone else healing or, at the very least, hope of their own. You will hear me say time and time again God is a God of restoration. He not only can heal the brokenness, He can redeem the years the locust have eaten. In heaven's economy it's payback with interest and we are the payee!
The day I broke agreement with the spirit of perfectionism was a spiritual milemarker in my life. If you struggle in this area and would like to talk about getting free from it, I would love to share with you how.
Doing things as unto the Lord and not unto a spirit of perfectionism really, really, really, really, really makes MY SOUL SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This past weekend I had an opportunity to spend some time with my younger daughter, Juliana, making cards using rubber stamps. It was a sweet time with her, doing an activity we both enjoy.
For those who are wondering what "stamping" is basically it is akin to scrap booking. You cut paper, select colors, designs and put them together to create something unique...and on this day it was cards we were making.
Now prior to this I have always cut Juliana's paper for her, after all the cutter is very sharp. Since I was working on my own projects and I was close at hand I told her she could cut her own paper. She perked up at this because it is something she has wanted to do and the fact I was trusting her with the responsibility really empowered her...she was beaming.
While in her happy place she was very chatty. She was completing two cards to my one...proudly showing each of them to me wanting my approval of her masterpieces. Which brings me to the quote in reference.
She held up one card and one piece had been cut slightly crooked. She pointed it out to me very matter of factly, not at all upset about it. I replied, "it's okay, it doesn't need to be perfect." To which she replied, "I don't try to make things perfect, because not much is perfect...well, really nothing is perfect."
A profound and wise statement coming from a ten year old. It went straight to my heart and brought a smile to my face. She has no idea how refreshing and encouraging this comment was to me...and maybe you too are wondering...allow me to explain.
My second post on My Soul Sings was titled, "Performer No More." I shared with you my struggle with performance for most of my life and how the Lord had delivered me from such bondage.
Performance has a cousin...her (not gender specific, but since I'm a girl...go with me here;) name is Perfectionism. They are cousins, but also really good friends, of the co-dependent kind, and they are most always found together.
Perfectionism can look good on the outside. She also can make you look good. While aiming to make everyone happy with your performance she comes alongside and shows up and shows off. People come to you when they need a job done with accuracy and excellence and perfectionism usually comes through for you.
But...along with perfectionism comes self-analysis and self-criticism...always setting the bar unattainably high. Once you feel you have obtained it, you have to raise it even higher...eventually setting yourself up for failure because you're constantly measuring yourself, never feeling you make the mark.
And...it doesn't stop there. Since you strive for perfection you also put the expectation on others to do things "perfectly." Of course, you don't meet your expectations, why would they? Depending on the scope of the relationship you have with them they may or may not feel this pressure from you. I can guarantee you if they live with you, they know it, they feel it and quite possibly they are drowning underneath the weight of it. Wow, I'm exhausted just re-reading what I just wrote...but that's not all, shall we continue?
As a perfectionist I expected my husband and my daughters to be perfect. My older daughter was struggling immensely from my remarks, criticisms and the unspoken expectation for her to rise and meet my demands. In a weeks worth of school work I would point out the one "C" and not even mention the ten "A's."
Under such pressure she was destined to fail. It didn't matter how "good" she was I would find a flaw. I was really good at finding flaws in myself and even better at pointing them out in other people.
During this process she began to struggle in school. She had several physical issues rooted in stress and anxiety. In order to honor her I will not go into the details of all she went through...just trust me, it wasn't good.
I don't remember exactly the turning point for me, but I realized what was manifesting in her life was the result of all the negative seeds I had sown into her. In my quest to help her I was forced to look into the mirror and what I saw was ugly, real ugly...did I say it was ugly, I meant UGLY!
I'm a big girl and I can admit this to you...but only because I received healing from the Lord. He enveloped me in His forgiveness, grace, love and restoration. I allowed Him to speak to my heart. He opened my eyes to the pattern in place. I was faced with a decision and for the sake of my daughters and my marriage I decided enough was enough.
I willingly, although with fear and trembling, allowed the Lord to take me to the "woodshed" where He lovingly and gently began the pruning process. It was not easy, but I'm here to testify to you today the fruit on this side is sweet and plentiful.
I often tell people when I am sharing my story that my girls had two different moms. Thankfully, they both didn't pay the price. Juliana was preschool age when my journey to freedom began and by the time she was in school I was freed from imposing upon my children the need for perfection. While the process wasn't yet complete in me; I still put unreasonable expectations on myself, I no longer placed them on my girls.
My girls are smart. They don't make straight A's and I don't expect them. The only thing I ask of them is that they give their best effort. Defining best effort can sometimes be sketchy, especially for my little free spirit, Juliana:) But all in all I want to teach them success isn't measured by perfection or performance.
So to hear those words come out of my sweet Juliana's mouth was a gift. A gift I hope to never forget receiving. The impact on my heart was so great I had to share with you.
I am on this journey in life, building my legacy. It is my prayer my children will inherit my breakthroughs. Sure, they will have struggles of their own and it is my desire for them to have faith of their own. My prayer is my ceiling will become their floors, building on the legacy I will leave them with each generation a little further along then the last. Now, that, would be just PERFECT!
As with anything I share it is in hope of it bringing someone else healing or, at the very least, hope of their own. You will hear me say time and time again God is a God of restoration. He not only can heal the brokenness, He can redeem the years the locust have eaten. In heaven's economy it's payback with interest and we are the payee!
The day I broke agreement with the spirit of perfectionism was a spiritual milemarker in my life. If you struggle in this area and would like to talk about getting free from it, I would love to share with you how.
Doing things as unto the Lord and not unto a spirit of perfectionism really, really, really, really, really makes MY SOUL SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Word Up!
As we continue to look at some of my favorite scriptures in our Word Up series I am drawn to Genesis 20:17. Genesis 20:17 is the first mention of healing in the Bible. Let's look at our text in the New Living Translation:
"Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife, and his female servants, so they could have children."
Again, in this series, it is not my goal to completely dissect the passages or verses. This verse is pregnant with meaning (no pun intended:) and you actually could spend some time discovering it all. If this verse speaks to you, I encourage you to go deeper with it!
I do want to set up the context for you. Abimelech is the king who took a hankering to Sarah. Abraham lied to Abimelech and said Sarah was his sister. However, God came to Abimelech in a dream and informed him Sarah was already married and not to lay a finger on her. You can read the whole story in Genesis 20.
This made my favorites list for several reasons, I will cover two of them in this post. First, I am passionate about pursuing the healing Christ purchased for us on the cross in body, soul and spirit. Although my passion falls in the area of inner healing (soul/heart hurts) I have learned through in depth study of the subject it is also the will of God to physically heal and many times inner and physical healing are related (this is a whole other topic for another day:)
Second, I love verses, especially ones like this, that tell a story which set a precedent. I firmly believe we can look at what God has done in the past and claim those promises in the here and now. Because God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) what He does for one, He will do for another.
This verse is cross referenced to James 5:16 which says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."
In reference to this story we see confession and prayer were applied. The fruit was healing to the wombs of Abimelech's wife and maids. They all bore children!
Yes, we live in a fallen world and sickness, disease, etc. are part of the fall...BUT, God sent us His son, Jesus, to make a way back to Him. Through Jesus we can be saved, which includes not only salvation, but healing and deliverance (according to the Greek word SOZO.) We will talk more about the word Sozo in the future.
Ask the Holy Spirit if there is any area in which you need to confess, so you may receive healing according to James 5:16. I have applied this kingdom principle many times and have received tremendous healing of the heart...which, say it with me, makes my soul sing!
"Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife, and his female servants, so they could have children."
Again, in this series, it is not my goal to completely dissect the passages or verses. This verse is pregnant with meaning (no pun intended:) and you actually could spend some time discovering it all. If this verse speaks to you, I encourage you to go deeper with it!
I do want to set up the context for you. Abimelech is the king who took a hankering to Sarah. Abraham lied to Abimelech and said Sarah was his sister. However, God came to Abimelech in a dream and informed him Sarah was already married and not to lay a finger on her. You can read the whole story in Genesis 20.
This made my favorites list for several reasons, I will cover two of them in this post. First, I am passionate about pursuing the healing Christ purchased for us on the cross in body, soul and spirit. Although my passion falls in the area of inner healing (soul/heart hurts) I have learned through in depth study of the subject it is also the will of God to physically heal and many times inner and physical healing are related (this is a whole other topic for another day:)
Second, I love verses, especially ones like this, that tell a story which set a precedent. I firmly believe we can look at what God has done in the past and claim those promises in the here and now. Because God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) what He does for one, He will do for another.
This verse is cross referenced to James 5:16 which says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."
In reference to this story we see confession and prayer were applied. The fruit was healing to the wombs of Abimelech's wife and maids. They all bore children!
Yes, we live in a fallen world and sickness, disease, etc. are part of the fall...BUT, God sent us His son, Jesus, to make a way back to Him. Through Jesus we can be saved, which includes not only salvation, but healing and deliverance (according to the Greek word SOZO.) We will talk more about the word Sozo in the future.
Ask the Holy Spirit if there is any area in which you need to confess, so you may receive healing according to James 5:16. I have applied this kingdom principle many times and have received tremendous healing of the heart...which, say it with me, makes my soul sing!
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