Wives, let's talk about SEX!

I'm giving this blog post a MW rating for "married women." This post will contain mature content intended for women who are married, or about to get married:)

Warning, if you're a TMI* offends me type of person you might want to fore go reading this one...but you're also probably one who needs to read it the most.

As women of faith we've got to get a hold of this one, girls! Forget religiosity and let's get honest. Marriage is under fire! We don't need to be reminded of the divorce rates and the statistics showing the rates are just as high, if not higher, among believers as non-believers. The world is looking to the body of Christ for answers and solutions, but we can't give them when we are just as ensnared in the problem as the rest of the world! What's part of answer? Hey, it may be ALL of the answer...SEX, healthy, God glorifying, marriage enriching, SEX!

I could spend time talking about how God created sex for a husband and wife. I could talk about how the enemy has perverted sex or how our mindsets are skewed on the subject because of media, pop culture, music, etc. But, that's been done already and, really, is it getting us anywhere? I am a find a solution type of girl...after all, the problems have been well identified.

So for this one, let's agree to talk like close girl friends. Wives, I'm hear to tell you to give it up and give it up often! Yes, I just went there! Seriously, every three days is what experts tell us men need!

I can hear the excuses flying through cyberspace as I type this....girls, I've made them myself. I tried the "not tonight, the baby was really clingy today and I'm all touched out." Then the babies became a tween and teen and bedtimes aren't 7:00 anymore and the excuse became, "we can't do that; the girls might walk in on us."

Then, of course, there's the excuse my emotional needs weren't being met, so why meet his physical ones. If only he would...you fill in the blank. It doesn't matter the excuse, they are all rubbish. EXCUSES WON'T IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE AND THEY DEFINITELY WON'T SAVE IT!!!!!!

I don't have all the answers as to why God made men so sexual, but He did and we can either whine about it or embrace it. I'm hear to encourage you to embrace it.

Now, let's get a couple of things out in the open...as if this post wasn't open enough! First, I'm not perfect in this department. Second, I want you to know this message is to women in safe marital relationships. If you are being sexually or physically abused, get help and get help now.

My Soul Sings is a place where I get personal with you and this post is more personal than most. I must tell you, sex is the ticket to getting your needs met. Some might read that and think I am a proponent of manipulation. I am not. I detest manipulation. I would like to invite you to see it as sacrificial and unconditional.

Wait a second, Amy...you just said sex was the ticket to getting your needs met and turned around and used the words sacrificial and unconditional? The word unconditional by definition contradicts this statement. Yes, you are right, it does. Let me explain...

If you are a wife whose emotional needs aren't being met, it would be a sacrificial act of unconditional love on your part to meet the needs of your husband physically. Unconditional love is love with no strings attached.

Which brings me to what I must say next. If you want your way I'm here to tell you griping, complaining and berating your man isn't the way to get it. You're only making the gap between the two of you larger and larger. I've met some couples where the gap is so wide it takes a great commitment and hours of counseling to bridge it...sadly, many end in divorce because the gap seemed to large to bridge. After years of decay they opt out because they want relief from the pain and years of needs going unmet.

No amount of browbeating will bring about positive change in anyone. A negative on top of a negative doesn't equal a positive. That's a whole other topic for another day:)

So, what if...just what if, regular tumbling between the sheets brings out the best in your man? You'll never know, if you don't give it a try.

I'm chuckling at what I'm about to share with you. My sweet hubby gets used as an example so many times. He's good with it. I'll even read this post to him later.

This past weekend the girls weren't home. We had some things to accomplish around the house and also planned a date night. Life is incredibly busy right now and I love it when we make it a point to spend time together. If you're familiar with the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman you can probably tell quality time is one of my love languages. I also blossom with words of affirmation and acts of service.

Russell spent Saturday afternoon taking the blinds down in each room of our house. He took them outside, washed them and hung them back up. He also cleaned all the windows, from the inside and the outside. This was his idea. I hadn't asked him to do it. SCORE! This would be an act of service.

Saturday night we had dinner with some friends at a lovely restaurant overlooking the Tennessee River. SCORE! This would be quality time.

We came home, snuggled and (use your imagination here:) SCORE! This would be physical touch.

Sunday morning came and he informed me he had picked up a gerber daisy (my favorite flower) and potted it for my table on the patio where I sit in the mornings to enjoy coffee and quiet time. SCORE! This would be receiving of gifts.

Later in the morning he looked at me with loving eyes and told me how awesome I was. SCORE! This would be words of affirmation.

He was one happy pappy. His needs were met, my needs were met....and the whole family benefits from the atmosphere of love in the house. This also brings security to our children. It sends the message mom loves dad and dad loves mom...we are safe.

What I don't want you to take from this post is you can be a vixen in the bedroom tonight and expect diamonds and roses tomorrow. It takes time and consistency, but it's so worth it!

A dear friend and I were talking about sex the other day. She said, "Amy, to them (our hubbys) sex is like oxygen." It's true. Obviously we can not live without oxygen...perhaps to the male species, they can't "live" without sex. All I know is my hubby is tends to be less frustrated, more at peace and generally more pleasant when we are having sex regularly.

I may sound like a broken record, but again, you are only in control of you. You can only control how you respond to life's situations and challenges. A healthier, more fulfilled you is on the horizon as soon as you stop looking to others to meet your needs. It can start with letting your husband off the hook. Will you take the first step? Will you make the sacrifice? You might possibly end up enjoying it!

For those in sexual bondage or suffering with guilt from their sexual past, there is help and there is healing. Sexual sin is almost always the fruit of a deeper rooted issue...a way to medicate the pain or unmet need. If you struggle in any of these areas, I invite you to check out the inner healing ministries offered here.

If you've enjoyed this post and would like to read others like it go here, here, here and here.

I only issue challenges I'm willing to take myself...girls, let's do this one together! My Soul Sings because God thought it not good for man to be alone so He gave him woman. Embracing my role as wife, encourager, life giver, friend and most importantly, LOVER!

*TMI-acronym for too much information

Crisis Prevention

I have been reminded more than once this week God speaks our language. He can use the tiniest, most seemingly insignificant detail and use it to reach us. He loves us that much! I even witnessed Him use me in a ministry session to speak the language of the recipient without me being aware of it until after the fact. God speaks and walls come down!

I'm no stranger to hearing God's voice through the mundane things of life. I've even blogged about it here, here, here and here.

This week He gave me yet another picture using something ordinary...nails, my nails, more specifically my chipping, breaking, splitting nails. I recently started having my nails done with a fairly new technique called Shellac. This isn't necessarily critical for you to know, but I wanted to brag on my friend and nail tech, Bobbie Nation. Bobbie has a heart of gold. Sitting in her chair getting your nails done leaves you feeling not only pretty, but well loved:)

I wasn't scheduled to have them re-done until next week, but I was having a crisis, a nail crisis. I sent Bobbie a text saying, "I'm having a nail crisis! Can you get me in earlier?" I had to wait a few days. The thing with Shellac is even though they are your natural nails, the polish doesn't come off with regular remover. Not something I could really take of myself. It was really bothering me that my nails were looking so raggedy:)

This seemingly superficial post is going to get serious...stay with me:)

In the world of inner healing (lay men's terms, healing of the heart (emotional/spiritual) pain) we often receive requests for ministry that are URGENT. This especially happens when people find themselves in crisis mode. They call and want to be seen yesterday.

My mentor, friend and colleague, Vikki Waters, has trained me well in not allowing others' crisis to become my crisis. There will always be someone needing help and boundaries are crucial when you are involved in ministry.

What I have learned is people in crisis aren't always in a place to receive deep healing. The crisis is all they see and they want it fixed. In reality the best time to receive ministry or inner healing is when life is relatively calm...perhaps even avoiding many of the "crisis" times all together.

If I have any males that are reading this blog, which started out like a piece on "Toddlers and Tiaras," I want you to know I haven't forgotten you. Maybe you can't relate to my nail crisis analogy, but you can relate to car maintenance. Simple things like oil changes can PREVENT major vehicle issues down the road. I'm no car expert, but not changing your oil regularly can lead to some high price engine issues, among other things.

Let's put this in a real life scenario of marriage. Marriage takes work. Marriage is an investment. What can happen if you don't invest enough time and energy in your marriage? Potential boredom, loneliness, un-fulfillment (sexually and/or emotionally,) adultery and loss of relationship are just a few issues that come to mind.

How can these pitfalls be avoided? Maintenance, i.e. date nights, weekend getaways, short walks together, regular sex (very important!!!) and a safe environment in which to talk and share feelings openly without fear of being ignored, chastised or yelled at.

Bottom line and the point of this post is to encourage each of you reading this to be prudent. If you are struggling in an area don't wait for the bottom to drop out before you do something about it. Although I believe nothing is impossible for God and it's never too late for Him to redeem and restore, the truth is, when humans are involved there isn't always a willingness or desire for healing/restoration/redemption/reconciliation. Reconciliation takes both parties to be successful.

As I've said before and I will say again...on your very best day, you are only in control of YOU! Which means you can only do something about YOU! Expecting others around you to change to solve your problems will find you waiting a lifetime and will carry with it much frustration.

What are you waiting for...a crisis? I've been in several crisis times myself and they are NO fun. As far as it has to do with me, I want to maintain, prevent and go after what is broken and allow Holy Spirit to do "maintenance" on my heart and avoid crisis as much as possible! And when crisis does comes, because it will, my hope is to be able to handle it with the mind of Christ, from heaven to earth.

I am ever so thankful Papa God speaks in our language. He doesn't pass up an opportunity to minister to our hearts, but the key is, are you listening? I invite you to open the eyes and ears of your heart and look for Him in the mundane, the simple things in life. My Soul Sings because He uses it all, little and big, to bring Him glory and to bring me into a closer relationship with Him! He is so GOOD!