Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Four

In my last post I addressed how we must first deal with issues in our own hearts in order to receive love and love unconditionally. We talked about the goal of relationship is to protect the other person's heart. Restoration and reconciliation are critical in the mending of broken connections. Identifying your child's love language and then learning to speak it is also vital in successful parenting. We are discovering just how powerful our decision to love on purpose is because... Love covers a multitude of sin (I Peter 4:8) and love casts out fear (I John 4:18.)

Now that we have covered most of the basics in Loving on Purpose let me introduce you to some of the (LOKP) language:) But first I want to add a disclaimer...the purpose of these posts has been to introduce you to parenting from the new covenant. I have written about my own journey to LOKP. It is not my intent to replace the need for you to read the book (Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk) or, if given the opportunity, to attend a LOKP workshop. If you only read these posts it would be like reading the Cliff Notes to Macbeth in high school literature class...you'll get the overall theme, but you will miss the real beauty of the classic Shakespearean tale.

On to the language....

One Liners that will save your life; or, at the very least, your sanity! Learn these, write them on your bathroom mirror in lipstick, tattoo them on your arm, write them on index cards and tape them to your refrigerator...whatever it takes to get them to naturally role off your tongue in moments that might very well otherwise take you to the brink of breakdown. Have I stressed this clearly enough? Good, I thought so...without further hoopla the LOKP one liners are:

• "I KNOW"
• "PROBABLY SO"
• "THAT COULD BE"
• "I DON'T KNOW"
• "NICE TRY"

These responses allow you to keep your sanity no matter what your child is choosing to do. When your child is pushing your button (and all parents have one) you can either choose to enter in a debate with them or a screaming contest...asserting your "control" as the parent (because I'm the parent and I said so!) or you can remain calm and respond to them using these simple one liners.

Danny writes in LOKP, "the day your child discovers that disrespect, dishonor and irresponsible behavior doesn't control your emotional state, they will quit using them." I can testify this statement is TRUE!

I have employed the use of the one liners sporadically since reading the book. Since attending the workshop I have used them more consistently. My girls are already on to them! When they realize you aren't going to enter into their emotional mess they give up!

An example of a conversation using the one liners might go like this.

Child: "My life is ruined!" (said through tears)

Parent: "That could be." (said with complete calm)

Child: "What? Are you crazy? You're agreeing that my life is ruined?"

Parent: "Probably so."

Child: "No body has a life as awful as mine!"

Parent: "I know."

Child: "What? You know! Why aren't you giving me a lecture right now?"

Parent: "I don't know."

Child: "Whatever!" (stomps off to room out of frustration and failure to push your button)

See how it works? Trust me, it's that simple. Confession time...I have looked forward to opportunities to use the one liners...it's so much fun! I'm probably not going to have to use them much longer. They are already giving up on trying to push my button because I have consistently responded with these and maintained my self-control...which incidentally is teaching them what it looks like to maintain theirs.

Unfortunately, it's not always looked this way at our house. There have been times I was so ignited by their rebellion, manipulation or disrespect that after yelling back at them and issuing all sorts of consequences/punishments I would have to remove myself to my bedroom where I would be so enraged I would hit my mattress. I am not an overall angry person, but I have my limits:) I realized after reading LOKP I was exuding behavior no different than theirs! As parents we are the ones modeling to them self-control, honor and respect! How can we expect our children to give out more respect than they see us exhibit? OUCH!

I encourage you to try the one-liners this week. I would love to hear how they work for you. Share your stories in the comments section. Testifying how it works for you might be the encouragement someone reading this needs to hear!

In the next post we will discuss more LOKP language and answer the question you've all been dying to ask....WHAT ABOUT SPANKING?

Basking in peace, exercising self-control and training my children to manage their freedom really does make my soul sing!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Three

In the last post we took a little detour. I discussed how we must first learn to receive the Father's love before we can give it away to our children and others in our lives. Long before I read the book "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" (LOKP) I had come to realize to be the best parent I could be I would need to address issues in my heart. My focus went from how I could "fix"my girls (and for that matter, my husband:) into addressing wounded areas of MY heart. Until I could receive the Father's love I would not be able to love others unconditionally.


I believe our God is so big we could walk in a new level of understanding of His love everyday for the rest of our lives and still not fully grasp how great His love for us until we see Him face to face. I love the quote, "if we could fully understand and explain God He wouldn't be big enough for us to worship."

I now embrace the Father's love for me. Each day I grow in the knowledge and experience of His love. I have broken agreement with the lies the enemy whispered into my ear saying I was unworthy and not good enough. With the help of Holy Spirit I have replaced thoughts of self-hatred and self-rejection with His thoughts of me, taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ (II Corinthians 10:5.) Because, trust me, the negative thoughts try at times to come back and many times I entertain them awhile before casting them down.


When Jesus was speaking to the disciples about the promise of the Holy Spirit He said in John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." Danny Silk in his LOKP workshop said something to this effect, "We will see the strength of our love in the connection that we live through." This is true of our relationship with Father God and walking out life and it's also true in a parent/child relationship.


So if you've been wondering where to start with loving your kid on purpose this is where I suggest you start...work to restore and reconcile broken connections with them. Our goal as parents should be to protect and preserve the relationship. Are we communicating unconditional love to our children? Unconditional love means nothing can separate you from my love.


I personally found my relationship with my teenager needed more reconciliation than my relationship with my 10 year old did. Teens naturally start to pull away from us in order to discover who they are. At first my efforts to "woo" were not received by her. Just as Christ woos us sometimes for years before we accept His love. He never gives up and neither should we. She eventually accepted my pursuit of her (because love is irresistible) and our relationship has gotten stronger.


In order to love our children, and anyone in our lives for that matter, it is essential to discover what their love language is. Gary Chapman developed the Five Love Languages and has written several books about them.

The 5 love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. There are tests available online that will help in determining your love language. But a simple way to discover your child's language(s) is to simply ask them, "how do you know mama loves you?" When I did this when my girls were younger their response quickly indicated their love language to me and I've tried to speak it ever since.


It's almost guaranteed a person with a low or empty love tank will experience more behavioral issues. Remember our focus is to protect the heart to heart connection with our child. When having to address difficult issues or confront your child with an area of sin it is vital that their love tank be full because by confrontation or correction you will be taking a massive withdrawal from it.


When I first heard this taught I realized I had been taking huge withdrawals and rarely making deposits....and, as if that wasn't bad enough, I had withheld love when things weren't going my way.


You could also look at this in the context of other relationships you have. How do you feel when someone you don't have a very strong relationship with confronts you with something you have done wrong? Do you receive it well or do you take offense? What about your spouse? When life gets hectic and you feel less connected to your spouse and something negative is said...how does it feel?

If my love tank isn't full I feel empty inside. One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so negative words effect me greatly...especially if I don't feel connected (heart to heart) to the person speaking them. A heart to heart connection values the person and correction can be done out of love.

My challenge to you would be to make an effort to love those around you by speaking their language...so next time you need to make a "withdrawal" it won't bring as much separation in your relationship. Purposing to make more deposits than withdrawals into their love tanks would be an excellent goal. Now, if only we could make more deposits than withdrawals in our actual bank accounts:)

Learning to protect my heart to heart connections with my spouse, children and friends makes my soul sing!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part Two

If you read my previous post on Parenting you probably have a list of questions. I will continue to share my journey to "Loving on Purpose" hopefully answering some of those questions. I also encourage you to take your questions to Jesus. He loves to answer your questions...and He knows ALL the answers:)


Let's start by looking again at one of our key scriptures. You might want to commit this one to memory.


I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."


Punishment does NOT teach love, it teaches self-preservation. In the book (LOKP) Danny uses the illustration of speeding down the highway. You see a police car and all of sudden slow down and start praying you don't get pulled over....then a car behind you continues to speed and flies by you because they didn't see the cop. The police then turns on their lights and goes chasing the other car and you think to yourself, "yeah, go get him, deserves 'um right for driving so fast." Does the fact you could have been pulled over prevent you from speeding in the future? No. What emotion do you experience when you realize you're about to get caught in this situation? Self-preservation? Probably so.

Let's define punishment. According to dictionary.com punishment is the act of punishing, being punished, as for an offense or fault. A penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc., severe handling or treatment.

God does not punish, He disciplines...big difference. Vine's dictionary defines discipline as saving the mind, primarily, an admonishing or calling to soundness of mind or to self-control. Sounds like managing freedom to me, by the fruit of the Spirit, self-control. Jesus fulfilled the need for punishment by His death on the cross. He took our punishment for us!

God also corrects, but He does so from a relationship with the Holy Spirit within us. We will address correction and rebuke in a later post. It is always to be done from a securely connected place of relationship, so it builds up, not tears down. Remember God is the Redeemer and Restorer. He is in the business of putting things back together, not tearing them apart.


Unfortunately many of us have walked through our Christian life believing God punishes us. Until we realize God is good, we can not grasp just how much He loves us. If you follow the life of Jesus in the gospels you will see just how loving He is. Jesus said, "if you've seen Me, you've seen My Father." Not once did Jesus punish someone for their sin. The woman caught in adultery in John 8 is a perfect example of how Jesus reacted to sin.


Remember in processing this concept keep in mind your relationship to Father God and how He handles your sin. He isn't in the business of controlling us to keep us from sin. Remember there were two trees in the garden, we have a choice. He certainly isn't afraid of our sin either. Does sin have consequences? Always...if not immediately, then eventually. Freedom allows us to build our own prison...yeah, think about that one!


Does this mean I allow my children to run rampant? No. As a parent we are there to train them in managing their freedom and it can start as early as toddlerhood! Healthy boundaries are good, you would never knowingly expose your child to danger. If you want to know more about this I recommend reading the book, which is available on Amazon.com.


How do we teach them to manage freedom? First, we let them make mistakes. Then we empower them to find a solution to their problem. Empowering them to be problem solvers is a life skill which will prove invaluable to them as adults. It also allows them to feel the consequences of their poor choice. When we swoop in and clean up their messes all they learn is co-dependence. I say co-dependence because it has been my observation that parents who are always fixing things for their children also find identity in it. They might complain about having to do it, but secretly they wouldn't have it any other way, because it gives them purpose. To suggest to them to allow their children to fall flat on their face is insulting and perceived by them as unloving.


I have certainly cleaned up my share of messes for my girls, not so much out of co-dependence, but guilt. I would feel guilty if I didn't fill the role of "rescuer." I also felt it made me a bad mother if I didn't....and, in all honesty, sometimes it's just easier to clean it up myself. In truth I am robbing my girls of the opportunity to learn how to problem solve...and, by taking the easy way out, I'm guilty of laziness. There's my confession for this post...of course, you knew there would be one:)


Have you ever felt like you were walking a tightrope when it comes to keeping the "rules?" I certainly have most of my life. Then I realized how far and how wide God's grace to us extends. Then I came into an even greater revelation of His love. I realized God loves me as much as He loves His Son, Jesus (John 17:23) isn't that amazing? It was then I found myself wanting to live a life honoring to Him, because it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4), not the fear of punishment!!!! If we are being motivated by the fear of punishment it's a sure sign we haven't allowed His love to penetrate our hearts!


Once I realized these truths, I not only felt the love of God, I was freed from many habitual sin patterns I had failed to overcome by keeping the "rules." Then I allowed God to teach me about managing my freedom. Honestly I have walked in great victory since...not perfection, not without sin, but victorious and consistently moving forward! Realizing you are no longer a slave to sin will enable you to walk with your head held high in confidence of His great love for you.

Are you ready to get off the tightrope of life? Are you ready to allow your children to come off the tightrope you've forced them to walk? I am!

Until our next post remember the best way to gage if you are parenting from the new covenant is to continuously look to Father God's model of parenting you. He is the perfect parent.

I am hoping to hear my children testify one day, "I knew the heart of Father God, because it was modeled to me by my parents." "If you've seen me, you've seen My Father." Can our children say that about us? Do we represent our Father well? By the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I can and this is why my soul sings!

Parenting and Loving Every Minute of It! Part One

This will be part one of several posts. These posts will be focused on parenting, but ultimately this method can be applied to all relationships, not just parent/child because it is based on kingdom relationship principles.


Russell and I had the privilege of attending a Loving Our Kids on Purpose workshop this past weekend. I had previously devoured the book, "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" by Danny Silk and had even put into practice some of the techniques explained in the book. You can check out the Loving On Purpose website. LOKP is parenting from the new covenant. Danny has incorporated concepts from Love and Logic with Biblical principles. Love and Logic was originally designed for foster parents and has become a popular approach for traditional families.

The new covenant deals with us (believers) from the inside out, through the Holy Spirit. The old covenant goal was about keeping the law. Between the old and new covenant the goal changed from obedience and compliance to protecting an intimate relationship through a love connection.


Most parenting models today (even more so in Christian homes) view successful parenting as producing compliant, obedient, respectful children who make good grades in school and stay out of trouble. I am now seeing we have completely missed the point.


Let's get a little personal...I have parented from the old covenant up until this point. I also have parented from fear...absolute fear of my girls making the same mistakes I made. I made some really poor choices as a teenager. As a mom I certainly want better for my girls...so, what did I do? I tried to control them as much as possible into making the choices I thought were best for them. My control took away their right to freedom. II Corinthians 3:17 says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." One of our parenting goals is to teach our children how to manage their freedom. We will discuss this in a future post.


I realized after reading LOKP our job as parents is to love, train, equip and encourage our children....not to control them to look like us...OUCH! I was motivated by fear and therefore needed to control, which was only teaching them to yield to my control out of their fear of me.


II Timothy 1:7 tells us God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but love, power and self-discipline.


I John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."


Love and fear are mortal enemies. Love and fear can not live in the same place. They displace each other. Think on these truths for a moment....I'll wait....


What do you fear when it comes to parenting? My answer would be my children making poor choices that might hurt them and...this is really hard to admit...I fear they will embarrass me with poor behavior. Is how they act, dress, talk, etc. a reflection of me as a parent....the answer is NO...but society and especially the church has told us a different story.


Okay, if you're having a hard time digesting the last statement let me help you a little. Do you think God is a good parent? If we are reflections of His parenting style how do you think we reflect Him? How did Adam and Eve reflect Him? Granted, sometimes we are a good reflection of Him...but many times we are not. Does this make God a bad parent? Of course not! How would unbelievers answer that question about us? Sadly many of them think we are hypocrites and have written off our God because of how we have poorly represented Him. We have done a poor job of managing our freedom, huh?


The bottom line is we do not control our children, just as God doesn't control us. There were and are two trees in the garden. We have free will. Our children's choices are just that, their choices. When we take on the burden of taking responsibility for their poor choices we are only enabling them to continue making them.


What have I learned this far?

1. I can not fear my children making poor choices.

2. I am to parent from a love relationship, not a dictatorial one.

3. My children's behavior and poor choices do not reflect on me as a parent in God's eyes (although it probably does in the eyes of man, but I desire to please God, not man.)

4. For the benefit of my girls I have to lay down the need to look like the perfect parent to others. Accepting the fact my girls and I will fail at times. How we choose to respond to those failures is the reflection of who we are and Whose we are.

If you are interested in exploring parenting from the new covenant I suggest you pray about what I've written so far. I know you probably have many questions...I sure did. I invite you to explore the LOKP website. There are Q & A forums on there. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I will either answer them or tell you if I don't have the answer:) One of my first questions was, "but what about spanking?" We will address this! LOKP is not anti spanking, but the perspective is quite different than the one I previously held.

A question I use to gage rather or not I'm parenting from the old or new covenant is this, "How would Father God respond to this issue?" This question has helped me numerous times check my heart and sometimes it has meant me going to my girls and saying I'm sorry for my reaction to them and their behavior. Their response has been amazing! My 13 yr. old and I have a better relationship than we have ever had. She is talking to me and sharing her heart with me like never before!

Undergoing this paradigm shift in the parenting department has been an easier concept to grasp in my mind than it has in real life. It's hard to change your way of doing things, but with God it isn't impossible...and it's also NEVER too late! Just another way I have experienced the redemptive nature of my Daddy and this is why my soul sings!

Prayer for Haiti

If you are like me you might be at a loss for words on how to pray for the nation of Haiti. The devastation is immense and the loss of lives is so great I can hardly comprehend it. I received a prayer bulletin originally published by the ministry of James Goll with the Encounters Network. James outlined some prayer points and I am going to take them and compose a prayer and if you would like to join me in agreement that would be awesome! Our prayers do change the course of history!

Father God, in the name of Jesus Christ I come to you in intercession for the nation of Haiti. I recognize Lord that although this nation has turned from You, You have not taken Your eyes off of them. Father, I ask for a harvest of laborers to be released into the field of Haiti in Jesus Name. I pray for the testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ to ring loud and clear throughout the nation of Haiti. I pray the strongholds of witchcraft and voodoo be broken in the mighty and strong name of Jesus Christ. The people of Haiti to repent and turn and run into the loving arms of you Father. I pray for revival to break forth...not just revival, but new life, because You are doing a new thing...birth leaders in the nation of Haiti who profess You as Lord and Savior.

I pray all efforts of rescue, restoration and relief would have a spirit of unity. That the focus would be on humanitarian relief and the rebuilding of every area of life. I pray for the re-establishment of a Godly government in every sphere of influence in the nation of Haiti. I pray for the unity of leaders across the nations for such a time as this.

I ask Lord that the body of Christ would awaken and take their position on the wall and intercede and become repairers of the breach. I repent of complacency and washing my hands clean of tragedies not occurring on my soil, as if they don't effect me. I recognize these are Your nations and as part of the body of Christ I am called to pray and intercede for those suffering.

Father I pray You would supernaturally multiply the food rations and supply clean water for all those in Haiti. I pray Your Spirit would lead rescue efforts and those living would be found quickly and receive medical help as needed. I curse the spirits of death, torment and infirmity. I speak and release life, truth and peace over the nation of Haiti in the name of Jesus!

I ask you Lord to release a heavenly host of angels into Port au Prince and the entire nation of Haiti. I ask for Heaven to come down in the midst of the darkness and invade this region with LIGHT, FREEDOM and JOY! Nothing is too big for you God! Nothing is impossible for you God! Although my human finite mind can not comprehend how goodness could be brought from such devastation that is Your promise...You are always good (Nahum 1:7!)

Your Word tells us in II Chronicles 7:14 that if we humble ourselves and pray and seek Your face and turn from our wicked ways, then You will hear from heaven and will forgive our sins and heal our land. I pray that not only for my nation, but for the nation of Haiti. You promised us the nations and I want the nation of Haiti! The nation of Haiti will bow at Your feet! Send forth Your Word across the nation of Haiti!

Thank you Father! We love you Jesus! Send forth Your Spirit and heal and renew the nation of Haiti, rescue them from the grave (Psalm 104:30 and107:20) Thank you for hearing our cries and petitions! We give you honor and glory and praise! It's in the mighty and strong name of Jesus Christ we pray, AMEN!

A Birthday Blessing

Today my baby girl turned 10! Juliana Grace Dover has brought so much joy into our lives! I can not wait to see how the Lord uses her life in the years to come to bring Him glory, honor and praise.

I want to share with you a blessing I am speaking over Juliana today. It is taken from "Blessing Your Spirit" by Arthur Burk and Sylvia Gunter. I encourage you to change it around to fit you or a person you love and speak a blessing!

Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I learned several years ago about the power of our words...they really do bring life or death(Proverbs 18:21.) I decided then to choose to speak life...and once I made the effort when words of death came from my mouth they really stood out to me!

Speaking words of life is something you will hear me talk about often in my blog posts, because it has literally changed my life. Coming into agreement with the kingdom of heaven with words of life has power, speaking words of death also has power...it empowers the enemy.

This will be lengthy, but if you take the time to read this aloud over yourself or a loved one you will be blessed...I guarantee it!

"Juliana, listen with your spirit to the Word of God. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39)

Juliana, your Father made you beautiful and beloved. I bless you with receiving the Father-heart of God and His matchless love for you. His love revealed in you is a gold mine of identity and legitmacy from which to live out your birthright confidently and purposefully. I bless you with the belonging, inclusion, and worth His love nurtures in you. I bless you with being convinced deep in your spirit that nothing in heaven, earth or hell can separate you from your Father's love. I bless you with knowing that nothing in your past, present or future can take His love from you. I bless you with being sure of His love in your fears and worries, in your problems and pain, in good times and bad. He promises because of His love, His power and His blessing upon you, He causes pain and negative things to be transformed into good, and I bless you with deeply abiding in that truth.

Juliana, listen with your spirit to God's Word for you. "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." (John 15:9, 11)

Juliana I bless you with being filled with complete and overflowing joy, knowing Jesus loves you as His Father loves Him. Imagine that! He loves you with the same love that flows between His Father and Him. I bless you with experiencing the rich love of your Father. I bless you with deep heart identity as God's very own beloved child, securely loved in His family, calling Him "Abba, dear Father." I bless you with seeing in the spirit things as they are, the gifts and the presence and hand of your Father, His truth and His love touches all through your life. I bless you with experiencing your Father's faithful love for you, with your spirit and your heart knowing, feeling and delighting in the love that your Father expresses to you. I bless you with experiencing that so often that you never doubt your Father's love. I bless you with knowing deeply in your spirit the truth you are accepted, affirmed and capable. I bless you with receiving God's love that casts out fear. I bless your spirit with being completely persuaded that nothing can separate you from His love.

I bless you with knowing profoundly God is love. I bless you with being known as a person who is loved by the Lord and who loves the Lord. I bless you with knowing deep in your spirit that your Father's favor is upon you; He likes you; He enjoys you; He takes pleasure in who you are today, regardless of what you are doing or have done. I bless you with being secure in your Father's love, having the peace of Jesus in your relationship with your Father. I bless you with receiving the communication of His love to you in a thousand ways. I bless you with creative and unique reminders of your Father's love for you. I bless you with recalling countless times your Father has been with you, has loved you, has taken care of you, has blessed you. You can do nothing to make Him love you more and nothing to make Him love you less.

I bless and release you to love and be loved, to enjoy life and enjoy your Father and be enjoyed by Him. I bless you with His banner of love over you. I bless you in the name of Jesus Christ!"

Taken from "Blessing Your Spirit"...a book of 40 daily blessings and 20 blessings using the Names of God.

My spirit is blessed and this is why My Soul Sings!

When the sadness comes...

I set out when I started this blog to be real. I'm a pretty real person anyway, but there is something about being real with those you know and being real with an internet audience that takes it up a notch, eh? There is also a difference between being real about events of the past and being real in current situations. It's now time for me to be real about the here and the now. It is my desire to be HOT, honest, open and transparent...but it isn't always possible when the situation involves more than just myself. I must honor those in the story, besides myself and that is the case in this post. So forgive the lack of details, just go with me here. This will be about what to do with the sadness, not what caused it.

The last two days I have battled with some pretty intense sadness and grief over some news I received. I am a firm believer in what the enemy intended for bad, God will use for good...and this is the reason I am sharing my heart on an issue that is still very raw and current. I invite you to share this post with those grieving or battling depression and overwhelming sadness...maybe, just maybe, my journey will give them a glimpse of hope.

I spent all of yesterday mourning, grieving and processing the sadness that seemed to have overtaken me. I longed to pray, but didn't have the words. I longed to worship, but there wasn't a song in my heart. I longed for the presence of God to overwhelm me with His love...so I did what I could do and I sought Him. I spent some time reading in the gospels, chapter upon chapter, following the ministry of Jesus. I have to tell you, it felt like I was with Him and that is exactly where I wanted to be. But even then I still felt the sadness was consuming me and I didn't like it at all.

Later in the day my mentor and dear friend called to check on me. During our conversation she gave me permission to grieve. It wasn't until she said, "Amy, it's okay to grieve" that I realized I needed permission to do so. I had been beating myself up all day over what I thought was me allowing the sadness to consume me. I started questioning my strength in the Lord...was I a complete sham? Was I all talk about the joy of the Lord being my strength? When the rubber meets the road could I still maintain my joy, freedom and peace in the Lord?

Maybe you are there with me and you need to hear, "you have permission to grieve." There, I just gave it to you...permission...to cry, to weep, to wail, to mourn, to lament. If you need further permission consider Ecclesiastes 3:4, "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

Grieving doesn't mean you are any less of a Christian. God recognizes there is a season for grief. But, and here is where I'm going to get into your business (aren't you glad it's in the privacy of cyberspace?) Grieving should only last for a season. Now, I'm not going to define the length of a season, because, honestly, I don't know what the length of a season is. Perhaps it differs for each individual. I don't, however, feel like a season is years. If you've been grieving for years, friends that isn't healthy, nor is it God's plan for you.

I Thessalonians 4:13 tells us we aren't to grieve like the rest of men(unbelievers) who have no hope. Praise God, grieving is only for a season because of the hope offered to us in Jesus Christ!

I don't know how long this season will be for me...hopefully not too long. I gave my friend (mentioned above) permission to slap me silly if I lingered in sadness for a undue amount of time. Which brings me to my next point. We each need to be in relationship with other believers who will hold us accountable, not only in other aspects of our Christian walk, but during seasons of grief. Surface relationships who smile and tell us everything will be okay are not the kind of relationships that will pull us up from the miry pit. If you don't have people in your life who will "slap you silly" you need to get some!

Those of you reading this know which category you fall into...those needing permission to grieve or those needing to be "slapped silly." I pray whichever you are, the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. It's quite possible you are in neither category but you know someone who is and you are in the position to help them. Seek God's wisdom in the matter, He will show you if that is the case.

I love the divine exchange found in Isaiah 61:3, "and provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

One of my favorite authors and pastors, Bill Johnson has a quote I just love. It goes something like this, "you can possess as much of God as you are willing to jealously guard." Those of you I know personally know I am passionate about the freedom and joy found in my relationship with my Papa. I will not stay in an ungodly season of grief, because I jealously guard the JOY and FREEDOM my Jesus bought for me on the cross....it was a costly gift and I treasure it deep in my spirit...and this is why My Soul (still) Sings in the midst of the sadness!

Highlighted Song-It Ain't Easy

Music...I absolutely LOVE it! I've always liked music. I grew up listening to a wide variety of styles. I have an appreciation for big band, the golden oldies,
80's rock, bluegrass and country (having been backstage at the Grand Ole Opry in high school) and, of course, southern gospel (which, by the way is my absolute least favorite...sorry:)

Over the past few years I have listened mainly to Christian music and even more specific in the last year, Spirit filled worship music. I confess I am not a radio listener (big gasp, being raised with a radio dad I am thankful for the industry that paid for my housing, food and clothing, but I'm just not a fan of what is predominantly played on Christian radio stations. There is so much more out there, undiscovered.)

On this blog I have compiled a lengthy playlist of some of my favorites...there are many more I would consider to be favorites, but they weren't available on the playlist. I know not everyone will like the style of music I do and I'm not at all offended if when you visit My Soul Sings you choose to pause the playlist or turn down your speakers. However today's post is going to highlight one of the songs because, quite frankly, I can't get the lyrics out of my head. This song, with it's simple message, has rocked me.

During the last part of 2009 the Lord really started speaking to me about love. Real love...His love and the way He loves and how we are commanded to love how Jesus loves. A tall order, yes...impossible, no. If it were impossible to love like Jesus He wouldn't have commanded us to do so.

So I decided my focus or theme for 2010 would be to learn to love like Jesus. I hope to write a follow up post to this one addressing this...if I don't within the next couple of weeks you have permission to remind me:)

I stumbled upon this song after being introduced to Jason Upton's music...I had heard some of his stuff, but hadn't really explored his offerings...now, I'm addicted. I believe he has recorded 13 albums...pretty good for someone who is relatively unknown.

Without further adieu I invite you to read the lyrics I have posted with this post and, if you like, listen to the song from my playlist. I have moved "It Ain't Easy" to the number 2 spot, so it will be easy to find. I pray as you listen Holy Spirit would touch your heart, prick it so to speak...may you be encouraged to start loving like Jesus and may this song become your prayer, as it has mine...He is willing to teach us to love like this, are you willing to learn?

I have learned in order to walk in the power that is within me I must be willing to be teachable...to give it all and expect nothing back...and this is why My Soul Sings.

It Ain't Easy by Jason Upton

I am learning to be a father but I really don’t know how
To be willing to care for others more than I love myself

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to love my neighbor and to live by the golden rule
But it’s so hard when I’ve been lied to
I feel like a fool forgiving a fool

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to be faithful with the little that I have
To do like Jesus and turn the tables
To give it all to get nothing back

It ain’t easy leaning to love like you

Come and Follow Me!

I've added the "Followers" gadget. You can find it on the right hand side of the page under the index of blog posts. This should make it easier to become a follower of My Soul Sings. Have a wonderful day...see you back here soon with another blog post:)

Moody Mama has two choices...

When you come to My Soul Sings I hope you will be inspired, encouraged, strengthened and challenged. I am an upbeat person and the style of my blogging will generally reflect the joy found in my heart. But, I'm also human and far from perfect....

Sometimes, I am a mother who losses her temper and yells at her children...a wife who nit picks her husband, especially when he is about to back end the car in front of us. Sometimes, I am a woman who, at the end of her frustration just earlier today, yelled, "stop the world, I want to get off!" Yes, I know, a tad bit dramatic...don't rub it in and, please, by all means, do not hold it against me.

Today is just one of those days where I wanted to yell, scream, bite someone's head off, or hit something and I can't, for the life of me, tell you why...and, no, it has nothing to do with PMS. Can I get a witness? Surely one or more of you out there know what I'm talking about?

So now I'm posed with a challenge and two options. I can either stay here in this yucky, "I hate the world and everything in it mode" or take the time to humble myself and say I'm sorry to my family for the miserable attitude I inflicted upon them. Holy Spirit within me says to go with the second option.


Each of us are faced with the same type of challenge from time to time. It may be something as trivial as having a moody mama day or it could have life altering implications. But, no matter our circumstances, we always have two choices. The kingdom of darkness wants us to choose to stay in the yuck, in defeat, in anger, in negativity, in hopelessness, in unforgiveness, in frustration...but the kingdom of heaven has much better options...Life, Victory, Hope, Peace, Joy, Love, Freedom, Healing and Restoration, to name but a few.*

This girl is choosing to rise above...because, quite frankly, I don't like feeling this way! It's going to take something far bigger than "moody mama" to steal my joy...and this is why My Soul Sings!

*Some situations require more than just an attitude change. If you need help, there is no disgrace in that. I work with a ministry equipped at setting the captives free. We would love to assist you.

God, Icy Roads and a craving for Mexican

God sure does speak in mysterious ways, doesn't He? He is so creative and is never limited to one or two ways of communication. Let me share with you the latest way He communicated to me.

Those of you in the Chattanooga area are well aware of our "snow" today.. I use the term "snow" loosely, because there really wasn't much snow, but more like an icy mess. Schools were dismissed early. So, I had been tucked away inside since getting my 4th grader home and was really unaware of the road conditions. Russell got home from work and I hadn't started dinner because I had a real hankering for Mexican.

I mentioned my craving to him in my best Southern belle drawl (ok, not really.) He responded, "Amy, the roads are pretty bad, cars in the ditches and traffic is heavy." I replied, "well I understand that road would be pretty bad, it's curvy and hilly, but if we go the other way to the Mexican place over there it's a straight shot and I think we can make it." Imagine batting of the eyelashes here (ok, not really, but it makes for a good story, eh?) I then added, "but if you don't think we can do it, don't worry about it, we can stay here...it's just I was really wanting Mexican."

Okay, those of you who know us know my husband is a prince, I mean the real deal. He doesn't deny me anything...ANYTHING! So, if I want Mexican and it's within his power, I will get Mexican...within minutes our family of four piled into the SUV and off we went.

Oh how I wished he had told me no! The roads were awful...a thin layer of ice in some areas completely covered the road, coupled with drivers who were using their brakes way too much and you have a big hot (well cold, but hot sounds better) mess!!! We made the trip in about 15 minutes and it normally would only take 5. Prince Russell pulls up to the door to drop me off and the sidewalk and parking lot are too slick to walk on...he sighs and I can tell he is starting to get aggravated.

I meekly say, "maybe we should just go home, this is worse than I thought." I get the "duh, you don't listen to me look" as he proceeded to gingerly turn the car back toward home...sliding as he does so, but at least we had the whole parking lot:)

The journey back home was even more treacherous. Traffic had gotten thicker. It was total silence in the car at this point, the girls were too scared to breath. I started praying. We slid this way...praying, slid that way...praying...uh-oh there goes a car into the ditch, help them Jesus...praying...asking the angels to keep our four wheels on the pavement. Praise God we made it home without incident. Fortunately I had food to prepare and dinner was on the table in less than fifteen minutes...and it was a good meal to boot!

Sooooooo...you are probably wondering how in the world God communicated to me in this...well, I'm getting there, but don't you like my story? Tee-hee:)

Dinner was done. Dishes clean. Girls were playing the Wii. I came into my bedroom to check Facebook...alone, somewhat quiet and I hear in my spirit,

"You know Amy I let you have your way sometimes too, even when I know it isn't the wisest decision for you to make."

Uh, hmmm, God?

"Yes my sweet girl. Just like Russell doesn't want to deny you anything, neither do I. But sometimes what you want and what is good for you aren't the same thing. But I still let you go your own way, because until you come to the conclusion yourself, you can't learn from the choice. You're pretty strong willed and once you decide on something, it's hard to convince you otherwise. Don't worry, it's how I made you. I thought it was good opportunity to point it out to you."

Yep...I get it Papa...and look at how I responded once I realized it was a bad idea...I prayed and cried for help. How many grand plans have I gone and implemented only to realize half way into them they weren't good ideas and then turn to You and cry, "Help! Help me God out of this mess I've created!" I started to recall times when I had great plans, but didn't seek the Lord for His input...but when the grand plans went sour I would run to Him and say, "God bless this mess!" I then heard Papa speak to my heart, "and I'm always there to save you."

Maybe as you are reading this you can think of those times in your life when God has had to pull you out of a mess. This incident of going out for Mexican on an icy evening pales in comparison to other messes I've found myself and I'm sure you can relate.

Friends, the next time you find yourself in a big hot mess, stop and look for Jesus. I promise He is there with you and He is waiting to show you the way out of whatever pigpen you've found yourself in. Our heavenly Papa is in all the details and nothing is too trivial for Him...and this is why MY SOUL SINGS!

Unique, Gifted and Glorious!

I posted a status on my Facebook from a book I am reading by Larry Randolph titled, "Breathe: Expressing your individuality in a world suffocating from sameness." I realized the quote was a wonderful starting point for a blog entry.

Larry does an excellent job laying out why it is important for us to express our individuality and how God is the Creator of divine diversity...no need for me to re-write it for him. So the purpose of this post is to elaborate on the quote I used which was:

"Instead of building self-esteem based on the unconditional love & acceptance that's available in Christ, we have fostered a religious mindset that seems to equate self-abasement with humility. This deceptive mindset undermines our value as treasured sons & daughters of God."

First some definitions:

Self-abasement: humiliation of oneself, especially as a result of guilt, shame, or the like. (dictionary.com)

Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. (dictionary.com)

It is important to realize that false humility is a pride issue. Any focus on self, rather it be positive (ego) or negative (false humility/self-abasement/low self-esteem) is rooted in pride. A person who is constantly focused on their lowly status is still as guilty of drawing attention to themselves as one who has smoked a good amount of ego. I'll let you take a moment and think about that one...

Now, let's switch gears a little. I believe we each are given a portion of God's character. It is our call in life to use this measure to bring Him glory. Ephesians 4:13, "Until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." On this side of heaven we have a part, but one day we will have the whole. Sweet! That butters my toast:)

You and I were created in His image (Gen.1:27, Rom. 8:29) Another
quote from Larry's book is, "I'm learning that the ultimate deception is to say I love God and yet despise myself. I'm beginning to understand that if I am created in the image of God, then a part of God looks like me. This means to truly love God, I must love myself." Each of us is a divine expression of our Father's creativity...it's time we started acting like one! When we self-abase we are actually criticizing our Father's work!

Now, before you go and get all twisted about what I've said here, let me say this doesn't mean there aren't parts of you that need to go:) Lie based thinking, wounding, current or former sin patterns, ungodly habits, fears, etc. need to hit the road in order for you to more fully represent King Jesus...and the good news is He has given you the power through the Holy Spirit to do just that! And, as if you needed a bonus, He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) He is such a good, good daddy!

I've just scratched the surface on this topic, but here is what I want to leave you with today.

*Start seeing yourself the way God sees you.
*You are free from sin.
*You are made in His image. His image is beautiful (meaning you are too)
*You carry a part of God's character no one else has, use it to bring Him glory.
*You are a saint.
*You are powerful.
*You are royalty, yes, trust me, you are! (Future post topic)
*You are an individual piece of art, with high value.

Truly knowing who you are in Christ will not produce arrogance, but confidence. Not confidence in yourself, but in the Christ who is in you and this will bring Him glory! Just another reason why my soul sings!

Divine BFF

BFF-an acronym meaning "Best Friends Forever" used by every teenage girl I know and becoming increasingly popular among adult women. I had to give a definition for the few, very few, of you that might not have known what BFF was:)

Today I would like to talk about my Divine BFF, aka, Jesus Christ. I recently encountered a person who shared with me their brother was a new believer. Although he had accepted the free gift of salvation, he was having great difficulty grasping he was now God's friend.

As I listened to this person reveal their heart's desire for their loved one to know Christ as friend I was reminded that I haven't always seen Christ as my friend. You see it hasn't been that long ago I would have shared his view of God. How could the Creator of the universe be my friend?

During a season of inner healing Holy Spirit revealed lies I had believed about the nature and character of God the Father, Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit. It was then I renounced the lie God isn't my friend and accepted His truth found in John 15:15.

Let's look at John 15:15 in the New Living Translation, "I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me."Jesus is saying we are His friends! I certainly had a slave mentality, not able to see myself as Christ's friend.

Do you see yourself as merely a slave or are you a friend of God? There is power in the relationship between a believer and God. From this place of power you can walk in victory over the work of the enemy. You start to see things from His perspective which for me has taken away fear and anxiety about the future or situations beyond my control. The more I learn of God through an intimate relationship with Him the more courage, peace and strength I have found. Not "learned" in an intellectual sense, but experienced in the heart. A secure sense of who He is in me and who I am in Him has made all the difference in my spiritual walk.

God is waiting for each of us to experience Him! Experience His kindness, His love, His power, His gifts, His strength, His wisdom, His provision...to have a love encounter with your Best Friend that will change your life...to take you from a slave mentality to a relationship mentality.

Perhaps referring to God as my BFF is a little cliche, maybe a little too familiar for some or irreverent to others...but it's the best way to describe this relationship I have with a God who is completely holy, but also completely approachable...and this is why my soul sings!

Performer No More

I grew up believing I had to be “enough.” Good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, righteous enough, holy enough…problem is I was never enough of anything. I didn’t excel in any one area. I was smart, but not very motivated and my grades reflected this. I was not athletic. I wasn’t musical. I wasn’t happy with my body, my hair, my clothes…the outside package in my opinion wasn’t anything extraordinary. So, in a word, I guess you could say I was pretty ordinary by the world's standards. Deep down every one of us, if we were really truthful, have a desire to be extraordinary…I was no different.

For me I tried to perform my way to extraordinary. Performance driven people are all about what things look like, because if we let you see what’s beneath the perfectly done hair and makeup you might not like what you see and in turn you might not like us. Performers say yes to too many things in an effort to gain attention, respect and love. We don't feel worthy of receiving love for just being us. We feel we must meet or exceed expectations…again, it’s all about earning love by what we can do.

There are several problems with being performance driven. First, performers are people pleasers. If there is one thing I have learned it is pleasing people and pleasing God rarely go hand in hand. As a people pleaser I was putting what people thought above what God thought…and that is idolatry. Galatians 1:10 is a great reference concerning people pleasing, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Secondly, performers rarely take time to seek God. They are too busy “doing” to just “be still and know” (Psalm 46:10.) I love the saying ”God made us human beings, not human doings.” Being aware of my place in God’s presence was something I was very unfamiliar with. Maybe you are reading this and realize you are a performer and the presence of God isn’t a place you are comfortable being or even familiar with…that’s okay, we’ll get there.

I absolutely love the story of Mary and Martha found in Luke 10:38-41. Perhaps it will be the topic of a blog post in the near future. But for now read it and ask yourself, are you a Mary or a Martha? I was once a self imposed Martha when my soul longed to sit at the feet of my Savior like Mary.

I don’t recall the time or place I had the revelation I was a people pleaser…I’m just glad I had it! Many times when I am ministering to other woman and people pleasing/performance has been uncovered it comes as a big surprise. Much of the time they don’t even realize it was there. Pleasing others and performance had become such a way of life for them it is all they knew.

One thing is for certain, God does not require us to perform or please our way to Him. Many would say they believe in salvation by grace and not by works, but how they are living contradicts this belief…that sure would have described me!

Praise God I have been loosed from the chains of performance.  Living in His presence is where I put my focus.  And the good news is…it is what He wants from me too! I was made to please God and it isn’t about what I DO for Him! Serving God comes out of the overflow of the time I spend with Him…not the other way around.

Are you tired of performing? Freedom from performance and people pleasing is something I love to share with others. I look forward to sharing more about it with you here on this blog.

I am a performer no more and this is why my soul sings…